226 Miles
by Flashpoint33
Summary: Castle and Beckett have made the move to DC after she says yes to both Castle and the job, but nothing is ever easy; at least nothing with them. Now that the dance is over and reality has set in; what life will they ultimately choose; one together or apart? Post Watershed - All spoilers game - Rated M - just to cover the bases. 2013 Castle Ficathon Entry #2 Cover Art dtrekker
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I really appreciate all the follows, comments, PM's, and reviews. It's great to know you are all out there reading Castle fanfic since there are so many great authors and stories to help ease the pain of the long hiatus. That being said, this story is being written with multiple plot lines that interconnect and influence one another. It is laid out more like a novel, meaning that you will NOT see an early resolution to the angst and major plot points. This is not a one shot or a fluff story; there is a lot of angst, along with many twists and turns, but if you are patient, you will get a great Caskett ending. _****_If you don't like Caskett angst, this is not the story for you. Happy Reading._****_  
_****So without further ado, let's get to the next chapter...**

_****__**Follow me on Twitter at KJF3333 – so many great Castle fans make for fun and interesting conversations. I tend to post when chapter updates are coming, hints, sneak peaks, and links to new chapters. **_

_**Georgetown DC – Home of Katharine Beckett and Richard Castle – 6 weeks after the move. **_

_**226 Miles **_

Chapter 1

The front door to the three story townhouse opened and closed without a sound. It was late, really late. A single lamp burned in the first floor entry way illuminating the path to stairs whose familiarity had been missed the last two nights. Taking two steps at a time, the trip to the top floor was effortless and quick. The hallway on the third floor was dark and the door at the end of it was open, but only a crack. There was no sound coming from the room. Pushing open the door, a sleeping form could be seen in the bed.

Quietly creeping into the open side; controlled breathing became a challenge. He was so still; so warm, so inviting. Hands found the exposed flesh of his shirtless back; then lips brushed his skin, he groaned in recognition. Kneeling over him; shirt and slacks discarded, the need for skin to skin contact burning intensely.

Eyes opened and gazes locked. His smile turning lustful as hair tumbled to shoulders. Even in sleep his body reached to sate a thirst so primal that all it took to awaken it was mere awareness that she was near.

"Kate," his voice was deepened from sleep.

Her mouth found his; lips parted and waiting; she moaned into his tongue as it crashed into hers and she gently sucked and held it drinking from him.

Her time above him was short lived. In a practiced motion, he pulled the elbow she was using to hold herself up free and employed the full scale of his body to flip her onto her back; his weight pinned her seconds later.

Nails found their way to his shoulders; arching toward one another they communicated without words. His mouth found hers again; urgency compelling his movements. He wanted her; he needed her, but more than that he was in love with her and intended to show her. He sat up on his knees between her thighs and ran his finger tips down her chest and beyond her hips; even in the dark he could see her skin rise where he had touched her.

She reached for him with her left hand; he grabbed it as the smallest shard of light reflected off of the promise they had made to one another; her engagement ring. Its implication; they would belong to one another; always.

"Castle," it was her call to him. He recognized it; lived for it and would answer it with eagerness. He removed what was left of both of their clothes. She was watching him; her tongue wetting her lips in anticipation. His finger tips teased every place he dared touch; her body chasing his fingers when they danced away.

Castle watched her face; her desire for him transparent and undeniable. Again she reached for him, but this time with both hands at his waist. He let himself fall forward where she guided him and the change that spread across her face was pure pleasure as she took him inside. His mouth landed at the base of her throat where he licked, sucked and rubbed his teeth against her skin. He used his hands to caress and stimulate her as they moved together while using his position over her to control their tempo. She might have started this, but it was his to finish.

Kate clung tightly to him pulling him inside; her teeth finding the flesh of his chest, she had missed him. Not just in this physical being, but in the ways that add up over time. She missed his voice, his eyes following her every move, his humor and intelligence. The last six weeks had been long and hard on them; so much time apart and little together.

Kate felt him building and climbing; she knew his rhythm and he knew hers. She let her body and mind go up the rise needing to be there with him. His movements scrambling any coherent thoughts she might have. All she could think about was him; now.

When he called her name, she fell with him into the swirling, icy fire that brought her the kind of fulfillment she had never known with any other man. She was in love with him and she whispered that truth into his ear; fingers tangled in his hair, arms holding fast across his shoulders.

When he was still, she held him in place and he didn't resist. The weight of him grounding her; she felt like she was where she was always meant to be. His breathing began to slow and she could feel his heart pounding against her chest. She wanted to hold him this way all night.

After a few minutes, Castle shifted to where he could see her, "Miss me, Beckett?"

Kate felt him trying to slide off to the side and she reluctantly let him go, "I've been thinking about you for two days, Castle; the last twelve non-stop. It got so bad I couldn't even concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing."

Castle settled on his back and pulled Kate into his arms; her head resting on his shoulder, "What time is it anyway?"

Kate didn't have to look at the time, "It was after 1:00 AM when I got home and I came straight upstairs."

Castle heard the grin in her voice, "Straight up?"

Kate kissed his chest, "Yes, I dropped all my stuff in the front foyer. Don't trip over it if you get up."

"I've missed you too Kate," Castle kissed her on the forehead. It was a simple statement that didn't even begin to cover the half of it, but for now, he let it rest.

He heard her take in a labored breath, "I have to be back by 6:00 AM."

Castle didn't allow himself a reaction, it only made things worse when she left again, "Big case?"

He felt her nod against his chest, "Yeah, complicated."

Castle knew better than to ask any questions about it. All of her cases were confidential now; they were literally federal cases. He thought there was a joke in there somewhere.

Instead he asked, "Is the cocktail party you told me about still on for tonight?"

"Yes, and it begins at 7:00 at Trinity Washington University. I'll leave the invitation for you so you'll have the specifics to give the driver," Kate sounded sleepy.

"We're not going together?" he was unsure of what she had in mind.

"I doubt I'll have time to come home and change. Can you just meet me there?" Kate's exhaustion was dragging her conscious mind down.

Castle could tell by her breathing that she was already asleep So he didn't bother to answer. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled into the warmth and security that his body provided. He hoped the party would be a diversion from the boredom he had been battling lately. At least he knew they would be spending the evening together and he intended to take full advantage.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

When Castle awoke the spot next to him was long since cold. He searched his mind for proof that Kate had really been there last night; his body provided it; she was all over him. He smiled as his recall of her took him and he decided he would put off taking a shower until after he had coffee to enjoy her just a little bit longer.

Glancing at the clock, he realized that Kate had been at work for several hours already. His day would be spent finishing up with the contractors who still had some detail work to complete throughout their new Georgetown home. There was touch up painting that needed to be done in almost every room and the new tile in the master bathroom still needed to be sealed. Castle's decision to add tankless water heaters throughout had been both expensive and time consuming, but having hot water that never ran out was a luxury he had come to enjoy particularly when Beckett was around.

The other item on his to do list was of the entertaining variety; the New York book release party for Deadly Heat. He found that this event gave him just the excuse he needed to head back to the city he loved for a visit; that and he had some crucial Old Haunt business that needed his attention.

Castle was excited to be going to what he had to admit he still considered home. Six weeks of texting, Skype and phone calls just weren't quite cutting it anymore. This was the longest period of time he had ever been continuously away from Alexis; her last few Skype's had really pulled at his heart, she hadn't been able to hide how hard their separation was on her and frankly neither had he. Even his phone calls with his mother were becoming an emotional strain and he found himself thinking that he could use a dose or two of Martha Rogers right about now.

Deadly Heat had been put to bed within the first couple of weeks of being in DC and since then Castle had poured all of his free time into renovations to the townhouse that were now all but done. He had known that Kate was going to be busy getting to know her new job, colleagues and expectations, but he hadn't anticipated spending so much time alone in the evenings nor her increasingly frequent multi-day absences. More often than not, Kate didn't make it home before 10:00 PM on a good night and 2:00 in the morning on a bad one. There had been four or five nights where she hadn't come home at all. That didn't even take into consideration the overnight jobs she had been on where he wasn't even allowed to know where she was.

Castle expected tonight's party to be a bright spot for him and Kate before he headed off to New York. He knew Agent Stack, but Castle had never met Anthony Freedman; the boss of both Kate and Stack or anyone else she worked with for that matter. He had purposefully kept a low profile letting Kate find her way in this bigger pond as a smaller fish. He knew how important this opportunity was to her and he didn't want to spoil it for her; even unintentionally.

Castle barely had time to shower before the first contractor showed up to go over the details list. Before his mind shifted over to the mundane but necessary tasks of owning a new home, Castle allowed himself to anticipate the coming evening. They were having a night out together for the first time since they had arrived in DC; she would be stunning; she would be with him. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything he was looking forward to more.


	2. Chapter 2

226 Miles

Chapter 2

Being a part of the Attorney General's Investigative Team had been an eye opener for Beckett. She had a solid grasp of being a large city detective, but she had no idea how murky the legal waters became until she went federal. Everything was confidential and was of the highest priority. What fell under the jurisdiction of the task force and what didn't was equally as undefined. They handled issues, cases, and concerns that were brought to them; no questions asked. This had made things sketchy at home. She and Castle could no longer discuss her work due to its sensitive nature; that meant no more theory building along with not being able to work together; a hard pill to swallow. He had seemed to understand, but that didn't make it any less disappointing for either of them.

The investigative team that she worked with was made up of eight people. Agent Stack led the team which included three technical analysts and four investigators. Stack as leader reported directly to Robert Freedman who in turn answered only to the Attorney General. The first six weeks had slid along with days that seemed to run one right into another. There was no real end point to the day. They ended when there was nothing left to do for the moment; no suspects to interview; no e-trail to follow. Kate had found the pace relatively easy to adjust to since her workaholic ways from NYPD transferred without a hiccup.

There was one huge difference that she had noticed between being a detective in New York and a federal agent was the amount of time they actually spent in the office. So much of what they did was done in house via state of the art technology and people they did want to see were brought to them. Kate found herself missing the sights, smells and feel of the streets; a persistent itch she hadn't anticipated.

What she had found difficult was how little she saw Castle. It seemed they were stealing moments together that were really fulfilling, but they were becoming fewer and farther between as she was drawn deeper into the layers of her new position as a federal agent. He had picked up his life and moved to DC to be with her; she hoped that as she became more proficient at her job the drain on their time together would lessen or at least they would excel at maximizing every moment they had together.

"Hey, Beckett," a voice jolted Kate from her thoughts of Castle.

Kate looked up to see Agent Emily Gellar standing beside her chair. Emily had been an investigator on Stack's team for several years, but had over ten years experience in the AG's office and another fifteen with the FBI. Kate had been glad just to have another woman on the team, but was even more pleased when the two of them had connected as friends, "Emily, tell me what I need to know about this cocktail party tonight."

Emily moved over and took a spot on the edge of Kate's desk, "I knew you were a smart girl."

Kate glanced around to be sure they weren't being overheard, "So?"

"The most important thing is to keep moving. Don't get stuck talking to any one person for too long. You will be having drinks in a room full of expertly trained and highly paranoid people," Emily laughed softly, but not because she wasn't serious; it was because she was.

Kate watched Emily. Even though she appeared to be giving Kate her full attention, she was actually scanning the room for what she liked to call bogies; those unexpected entities that showed up unannounced and unexpectedly who could be in friend or foe mode depending on the day. "The Attorney General will be there tonight?"

She nodded, "Oh, yeah, he will be there along with some key senators and house committee members."

"Anyone I need to watch out for?" Kate believed that she could trust Emily, she had just bet on it.

Emily scanned the peripheral, "Dagget, Agent James Dagget."

Kate didn't ask any more questions gratified that Emily was all in as well, "Got it."

"Gellar, Beckett social time is over, Stack wants us in the briefing room," a voice called with thinly veiled condescension.

"Speak of the devil," Emily stood and waited for Kate.

"I had a feeling about him," Kate watched him disappear into the office they were all headed to.

"Like I said; smart girl."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Castle liked black tie events. It wasn't the dressing up as much as the people watching they afforded him. It was true that most of the guests at these things were mundane and of no interest to a writer always on the prowl for a new character, but every so often one would appear whose characteristics, mannerisms, speech patterns or even physical appearance ignited a fuse in Castle; a fuse that often led to that character appearing in his very next book. He was hoping for just such an inspiration tonight.

The room at the university where the gathering was being held had an intimate feel to it though it could easily hold up to two hundred people. The addition of comfortable seating in small clusters around the room with tables at their center encouraged conversation while offering a modicum of privacy to those invited in. Considering the guests were federal agents, their wives, directors, deputy directors, special guests and the Attorney General himself; the setup made pretty good sense.

The moment that Castle entered the space he began looking for Beckett. He didn't see her on his first pass, but some party goers had seen him, "Aren't you Richard Castle?" A group of about six women surrounded him.

He flashed his book signing smile, "Yes, I am and you are?"

"My name is Jenna. My husband works in the Attorney General's office. In fact, all of our husbands and boyfriends do," the woman was flush with excitement.

"Ladies it is a pleasure to meet each of you," Castle was interacting with them personably while still watching for Kate.

"When is the next book in the Nikki Heat series coming out Mr. Castle?" one of the unnamed ladies asked equally as pink with her good fortune.

"Please, it's Rick, ladies," he briefly gave them his full attention. "As a matter of fact, the release party for Deadly Heat is tomorrow night in New York."

The rush of excitement brought on by his announcement drew the attention of several nearby cadres of party goers, "Are you here alone tonight, Rick?"

"No, I'm not. As a matter of fact, I need to find my date, so if you ladies will excuse me," Castle was working his way free.

"Of course, it was so nice meeting you," they all sort of fell over themselves with the same message which came out as a frazzled chorus.

He had one more photo shoot smile in him and he gave it away, "I hope you enjoy the book. Have a great evening. Maybe we will have a chance to chat again later."

As he slipped away from his fans, he saw Kate. She was standing by the windows near the bar and she looked as he had known she would; stunning in a black single shoulder strap cocktail dress and simple yet elegant heels. As he approached her, he took note of those in her circle. There were five men, Kate and one other woman that Castle assumed was Agent Emily Gellar. All Castle really knew about her was what little Kate had shared. She was highly experienced, good at what she did, and had been a friend to Beckett. The demeanor of the men screamed federal agent; as did their off the rack tuxes.

Kate had been watching for Castle and when she saw him, she flashed a genuine if slightly nervous smile as he approached, "There you are."

Castle touched her softly in the small of her back as he kissed her gently on the cheek in greeting, "Here I am."

The smile and gaze they briefly shared held a deeper greeting, but the other sets of eyes staring at them were waiting, "Everyone, this is Rick Castle my…" Kate trailed off at a loss for words and a look in her eyes that begged Castle for help.

He extended his hand to the nearest agent who happened to be James Dagget, "Escort. I'm the lucky guy who gets to be Kate's escort."

Kate looked relieved and Castle looked away so she couldn't see his eyes, "These are the agents from the special investigations team." Each one introduced himself by name which Castle promptly forgot because as they were talking he had noticed that Kate wasn't wearing her engagement ring. He knew she had it on when they made love last night; why wouldn't she have it on now?

Kate saw his eyes on her left hand and the hurt look on his face. She had known this was a conversation that they needed to have about the separation she wanted to keep between her work and personal life particularly in the beginning, but she hadn't found the time or the moment for it yet and it had just caught up with her.

Dagget eyed Castle for a few seconds before he spoke, "Rick Castle. You're that writer that followed Beckett around for the last five years that she was with the NYPD."

Anxiety appeared on Kate's face as Rick responded evenly and with a measured smile, "Yeah, that's me."

Kate stepped to his defense hearing the mocking tone in Dagget's voice, "Rick did a whole lot more than follow me around. His help was invaluable in solving over a hundred cases."

"So is it true, Beckett, that you're Nikki Heat?" Dagget was crossing a line and everyone knew it.

"Dagget, if you could actually read a book without pictures, you would know that Beckett's cases were the inspiration for the series," Emily Gellar had aimed low and taken the wind out of Dagget's attack. The rest of the agents laughed and the tension within the group ebbed.

"I think I'm going to get a drink. Join me?" Castle excused himself from the group taking Kate's hand in his.

Once they were out of ear shot and coming up on the bar Kate spoke, "Castle, I'm sorry about that back there."

He ordered a double scotch neat, "It would have just been nice to know what I was walking into."

"I know, I meant to talk to you about it before tonight," Kate knew her excuse sounded pathetic.

He finished his drink, grimaced from the burn and ordered another, "Can we not talk about this here?"

She nodded and took the wine he ordered for her, "Of course."

As they turned back to the room, Kate saw Emily headed her way, "We're wanted in the briefing room, Kate." Emily gazed at Castle apologetically, "Sorry to break up your evening, Rick. It was really nice to meet you."

Castle shook her hand warmly and smiled at her acknowledging her end run with Dagget, "Yeah, me too."

Kate quickly told her, "I'll be right there."

Emily nodded and walked away.

"Castle," Kate had taken both of his hands in hers and was standing directly in front of him.

"I think I'm going to go," Castle interrupted not really looking at her. "You've got work to do it would seem."

Kate looked back over her shoulder and saw Emily waiting for her at a discrete distance, "We'll talk this out when I get home, okay?"

Castle found a smile for her, "You better go. I'll see you at home."

Kate hated how she had handled tonight and wanted him to know it, so she kissed him fully on the mouth ending it with a gentle bite to his lower lip, "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate," and then he walked away leaving her to watch him go.

"Beckett, we gotta move," Emily was at her side pulling at her elbow.

Kate followed the agent quickly, but couldn't help taking one last glance back at Rick before he made it through the exit, "What's going on?"

"Not sure. Some kind of pow wow with the higher ups, I think," Emily motioned toward a door that was closed at the end of the hallway. When they reached it, she knocked twice and they entered.

Kate's already challenged emotional equilibrium took another shove when she saw who was in the room. Along with Stack and his boss Freedman was Senator William H. Bracken; presidential hopeful and criminal.

They saw one another simultaneously; Kate's reaction one of surprise, Bracken's one of smug satisfaction.

Freedman placed his hand on Bracken's shoulder while he spoke, "I wanted to gather you all together to let you know that this elite investigative team now has a new and powerful ally on the hill and at the White House. Just today, Senator Bracken was named the head of the committee that oversees our unit. In case you didn't know it, that is very good news for us."

Beckett struggled to keep her face neutral; the smile on the face of the bastard that killed her mother made that very difficult to do.

"Senator Bracken, we have a new member of the team. This is Agent Kate Beckett," Freedman motioned Kate to come forward.

Mechanically she moved to where the men stood meeting Bracken's stare, "We've met."

"Agent Beckett was the officer who saved me from a car bomb in New York," Bracken explained with a smile set to brilliant and eyes to ice.

Kate's gaze locked on the scar she had given him just below his left one, "Senator Bracken and I go way back."

"That's true, we do," Bracken acknowledged seeming to enjoy the game of cat and mouse they were playing with what they knew about one another.

"Everyone, grab a glass of champagne," Freedman ordered. "A toast, to the new alliance between the AG's office and the hill."

The agents in the room raised their glasses and eyes to one another and drank in celebration. Bracken drained his glass and put it on the table appearing amused; Kate set hers down without tasting a drop.

"Alright, back to the party," Stack released them and the team filed out leaving Bracken, Stack and Freedman to whatever they had simmering between them.

As they rejoined the party, Emily dropped in at Kate's side, "I don't know what that was back there, but it has to be a hell of a story."

Kate grabbed a glass of wine from the tray of a server who was passing by, "It is. Maybe I'll tell you about it someday."

Gellar studied Beckett, "This thing is pretty much over. Why don't you go home to your man? You might have a little making up to do."

Kate wasn't surprised that Emily figured out her relationship with Castle, "Yeah, I know. I royally screwed that one up."

"He seems like a great guy," she offered.

Kate's face lit up a little as he moved to the forefront of her mind, "He is. I'm really lucky."

Kate finished her wine and was readying herself to take Emily's advice, "Kate, don't let these guys marginalize you as a woman. I'm not sure exactly what was going on tonight, but if you have someone special in your life, don't hide him. They don't hide their personal lives." Emily motioned to the large gathering of wives and dates sitting at one of the tables nearby; the same women who had cornered Castle when he arrived.

Kate chewed her bottom lip, "I've been hanging with the boy's club for years. You'd think I would know better by now."

"Take it from me, it's no fun going home one day and finding the house empty and suddenly no one is interested anymore in where all of your time goes," Emily's tone was wistful and hinted at a story for another night.

"Goodnight, Emily and thank you," gratitude was relayed to Gellar with words and expression.

"Night, Beckett."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

The cab dropped Kate at the townhouse less than ten minutes later. When she opened the front door, she knew. The only light on was the one that illuminated the stairs for her each night she came home long after Castle had gone to bed. Tonight, propped against the base of the lamp, there was an envelope with her name on it. Kate snatched it up and went to the kitchen where she grabbed an open bottle of white wine from the fridge and a glass. She filled it more than half full.

Sitting at the new granite counter tops with her brand new kitchen full of stainless steel appliances as her only company, Kate opened the note.

Kate,

I decided to head to New York tonight and get a jump on tomorrow since I knew you would probably be in really late or not at all. My driver from the party was available, so I just took the car service. I'll text you when I arrive, so you won't worry. You looked spectacular tonight. I love you.

Rick

Kate read the note several times looking for any subtext; she found none. He was just gone. Taking her wine, she trudged up the stairs she had taken two at a time the night before. Tonight there was no one waiting for her in bed on the third floor of their home; and it was lonely.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N-I had intended this chapter to be one scene longer, but that scene isn't done, so it will be up tomorrow as Chapter 4.**_

_**Yoda - my friend - thank you for your invaluable input and suggestions! **_

_**Shout out to Sunshine Jaz - as promised... this one's for you! **_

_**I will be dropping in some "ficlets" written by Castleficlets on Twitter composed just for this fanfic. Hope you enjoy them. Follow at Castleficlets**_

**_How do two people that have so much, feel so alone? Loneliness, both secretly wondering, when did having it all, feel like having nothing?_**

226 Miles

Chapter 3

Beckett woke up the way she had gone to bed, alone and wishing Castle hadn't left for New York before she got home from the party. No matter how many times she played it over in her head, arrival at the same conclusion was unavoidable; she had fucked up.

Her alarm was set to sound at 5:00 AM, but she had awakened on her own. Seeing that she still had a few minutes before needing to get going, Kate grabbed Castle's pillow and inhaled deeply as she buried her face in the smell of him. A flush traveled her body as if anticipating his presence and touch. When none came, the warmth slipped away leaving an empty longing.

Reaching for her phone, Kate was hoping to find that text Castle's note had promised. It was there, but offered little in the way of connection. He had promised to let her know he had arrived safely in New York and that was exactly what he had done; no more no less. The only way she knew what time he had arrived was the time stamp that came with the delivery of the message.

"Damn it," Kate got out of bed and tossed the phone onto Castle's pillow. She went into the bathroom for a shower only to come right back out and pick up the phone again. She really wanted to call him; his voice swirled in her head and she wanted the real thing. Dropping the phone again she told herself that it was too early to call; that he had gotten in well after 2:00 AM. Kate paced around the side of the bed wrestling with her conflicting impulses.

After a couple of minutes, the urge for coffee took her over making it impossible to think clearly, so she reclaimed her phone for the third time and headed downstairs. As Kate was going to the kitchen, she took note of all that Castle had done to make the townhouse theirs. The whole place had been freshly painted and the hardwoods had been stripped and refinished. Since Castle had kept the loft, all of the furniture was brand new. It dawned on her that she had not selected a single piece. He had asked her multiple times and had even gone so far as to provide her pictures to choose from, but she never had time; or had never made the time to give her input.

Even beyond that, there were personal and subtle touches that showed how much care he had put into making it their home and not just his. The color palette that he had chosen for the redesign was far more her taste than it was his. There were pictures throughout that incorporated both of their personal histories. Décor and art from Kate's apartment that Castle knew held significance to her were strategically placed to catch the eye; her eye. Searching her mind, she tried to find a moment in recent memory where she had mentioned any of this to him; communicated how much his efforts really did mean to her; that she had noticed the large and the small touches; there was nothing.

"Just like the freaking conversation about the ring," Kate reproved herself. She knew that responsibility for how badly things had gone at the cocktail party was all hers. Castle's wounded expression when he noticed that she wasn't wearing her ring right after she had failed to introduce him to her colleagues as her fiancé wouldn't leave her alone.

Kate forced herself to contemplate why Castle had really left last night. Was it to have a few extra hours in the city like he said? Or was it more likely that the events of the evening had prompted him to try and avoid another night alone in their new home along with the conversation they had put on hold at his request. Any way you looked at it, the result was the same; she was in DC and he was in New York; 226 miles between them.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Kate's decision ended up being made for her by time; she simply ran out of it. As it was, she walked into the briefing room only seconds before Stack and took the seat at the table that Emily had held onto for her by placing a hot cup of break room coffee there. Kate winced internally at the coffee, but smiled at Emily grateful for both the seat and the gesture.

Emily leaned toward Kate and whispered, "Thought you might need this after last night. Hope the exhaustion I see on your face is a good thing."

Kate gave her a look it didn't take a federal agent to decode, "He was gone when I got home."

Stack began the briefing cutting off their conversation, "As you all found out last night, the senate committee that oversees this task force has a new leader. What you may not know is that Senator Bracken may well be the next president of the United States."

Kate took a drink of the still scalding liquid to keep the absolute rancor the mere mention of Bracken's name roused in her.

Emily glanced at Beckett to gauge her reaction to Stack's announcement, but her face was stoic.

"With this change, be prepared to see some of our directives modified and operations diverted to areas from which we have previously been excluded," Stack eyed each agent to reinforce his message.

Kate had a feeling the federal waters she was swimming in had just gone from murky to jet black.

"There is the possibility of an overnight op tonight. You'll know when I do. Dismissed," Stack waved them out of the room as his cell phone began to ring.

Kate hadn't realized that Dagget had moved in behind her chair, "Beckett, I heard a rumor that you and your writer are engaged."

Kate stood up so he did not have an advantage over her, "Why are you so interested in my personal life, Dagget?"

The agent grinned at her; he knew all about the psychology of deflection, "I was reading about tonight's book release party for Deadly Heat in the New York Times. The article talked about the two of you and your recent engagement. So, when's the big day?"

Kate controlled the impulse to throw the rest of her coffee in his face, "We haven't set one yet." Kate figured the less she said the better.

The answer only fueled his interest, "No date either? You better lock this one down. He lets you treat him like a doormat and you're not even married yet."

Kate's eyes flashed with anger and her jaw pulsed as she clenched it trying not to say something she might regret.

Kate could feel Emily tensing beside her, "Dagget you interested in Kate's guy or something?"

James glared at Emily ignoring Kate for the moment, "I'm wondering if Beckett is all that interested in him. If they're engaged, where's the ring? Why didn't she introduce him as her fiancé last night? And what's up with not having the big day on the calendar yet? Inquiring minds want to know."

Kate knew Castle was in New York struggling with those same questions and the knowledge slammed into her with the force of a semi truck.

Emily sensing Kate's falter intervened protectively, "Inquiring minds also want to know why your date left with a bartender from the party last night instead of you?"

"Gellar, you're a…" the agent thought better of where his mouth was taking him. Emily Gellar was a senior agent on the task force and Stack's number two; he needed to tread carefully, but tread he would.

Emily stepped closer to him, "Please, don't stop on my account, James. You got something you want to say?"

Stack's phone call was over, "Why are you three still here? Don't you have work to do?"

The trio answered in the affirmative and left the office together; not a word passed among them.

When Kate got to her desk, she yanked off her jacket and put it on the back of her chair; fuming because she had allowed Dagget to get to her. The tray full of files she had to go through were where she had left them and decided there was no time like the present.

"Beckett?" Emily took a seat on the edge of Kate's desk.

Kate leaned back in her chair before meeting Emily's gaze, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Emily was immediately intrigued by the ambivalent look on Kate's face.

"Stack said we should expect to be involved in things that we were not allowed to be in the past?" the obscure yet poignant nature of the announcement had not been lost on her. Neither had the fact that this new approach had arrived when Bracken did.

Gellar eyed Kate considering her response carefully, "There's not a lot of black and white left in today's world Kate, and maybe even less of it with what we do here. In fact, some would say that as a team we exist in a gray area where our actions, if they weren't highly classified, would at the very least be questioned by the press and partisan politicians. What we do here Kate, is protect our country and citizens using the means and tactics at our disposal; nothing more, nothing less."

Beckett considered what Emily was telling her; not just her words. Kate knew what it was to blur the lines for the common good; Montgomery and the secrets he left behind for her to keep intruding into her thoughts. Emily was being honest with her; giving Kate what she took to be fair warning; expect the job to challenge your personal boundaries; then cross them anyway. That's what she had signed up for.

Emily let the silence between them steep for more than a minute before she pulled Kate from wherever her mind had taken her, "I take it things didn't go well when you got home last night."

Kate allowed Emily to change the subject, "He's in New York."

Emily's eyebrow rose slightly, but that was the only reaction Kate could catalog, "He was suppose to leave this morning?"

Kate nodded, "I can't believe I blew a night with him, Emily. We've had so little time together since the move."

"Left you a note?" Emily guessed.

It was Kate's turn to be curious, "How'd you know?"

Emily offered only a wry smile and a vague response, "I've been exactly where you are."

Kate thought about asking what she meant, but decided to leave it for now, "Do you think I should call him?"

"It depends," her tone was all seriousness.

"On what?" she encouraged her to go on.

"It depends on whether you have answers for him about the ring and your engagement or you just want to talk to him because you feel badly for the way you threw him and your relationship under the bus when he met the team," Emily had let Kate have what she asked for.

Kate stared at her; the rush of anger impossible to disguise, "Seriously? Whose side are you on, Dagget's?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. That's why I can tell you the truth. Dagget was being a jackass Kate, but that doesn't mean his questions didn't have at least some merit."

Emily watched Kate's anger evaporate and be replaced by regret as deeper awareness clawed at her, "I'm going to call him. Would you give me a minute?"

Emily got up whispering back over her shoulder as she went, "Good luck."

The home screen on her cell told Kate that it was almost 6:45 AM, a much more reasonable hour for the call than the 4:45 one she had wanted to make earlier. As the phone began to ring, Kate took several deep breaths. There was so much she needed to say, and a lot more he needed to hear.

The voice that answered Castle's phone was not the one she had been expecting and hoping for, "Martha?"

"Katherine, why are you calling me so early? Is everything alright?" Martha's tone was particularly animated for so early in the morning.

"I called Rick's phone, Martha. He's there at the loft; drove in last night," Kate explained.

"Oh, Richard is here? This isn't my phone, Katherine," Martha still hadn't quite worked it all out yet, but Kate sure had.

"Do you think you could take Rick his phone?" Kate tried to get through Martha's fog.

"I'm not sure where he is," the last bit of doubt left Kate about Martha's condition.

"Martha, would you check to see if he fell asleep in his office?" she offered a suggestion to get Martha moving.

"Richard!" she called. Kate could hear her heels clicking across the floor; proof that Martha had only recently gotten in after a late night herself.

Kate couldn't help the smile that crept across her face as she listened.

"Katherine, I found him," Martha's voice had dropped into that loud whisper that drunk people think is quiet, "but I don't think you're going to be able to talk to him right now or anytime soon."

Kate was immediately alarmed, "What's wrong? Is he alright?"

"Darling, he's fine," Martha assured her.

"Then why can't I talk to him?" Kate was still concerned. "Just wake him up."

"I can't wake him up; he's not exactly sleeping. He polished off the scotch in his office when he got in apparently. I've seen him like this before; why don't you try back after lunch?" Knowing Castle was passed out drunk after last night's events made Kate's head begin to pound.

"After lunch?" Kate couldn't believe Martha was serious.

"Yes, after 1:00 might even be better," Martha knew sleep was the only cure for what was ailing them both.

Kate closed her eyes fighting frustration, "Fine, I will call him after 1:00. Will you tell him I called and ask him to call me if he gets up earlier?"

Martha was climbing the stairs to her room; Castle's phone with her, "Of course; as soon as I see him."

Martha ended the call, dropped Castle's phone on the night stand and fell forward into the bed; clothes and all. From the looks of things, Castle wouldn't be getting Kate's message or his phone back anytime soon.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Like a warm embrace, seeping in slowly, filling a long ignored void. An oasis in a desert, he is drawn to it, recognition, praise, fame. **_

_**Follow at Castleficlets**_

226 Miles

Chapter 4

Richard Castle had a hell of a hangover; he'd earned it figuratively and literally. His binge had begun innocently enough on the ride up from DC; a scotch to take the edge off the serrated lacerations he walked away with from his evening with Kate and her co-workers. One though had led to another with each successive drink applying salve to some wounds while raking across others. Drink one simply tasted good. Drinks two and three shoved him past the initial hurt and disappointment into the waiting arms of anger and frustration. Once there, the downhill spiral wasn't hard to predict and neither was the morning after.

It had felt good to wake up at home; his home. Even with the mental jack hammers tearing up gray matter in his skull, he felt more upbeat than he had in weeks. Maybe it was simple familiarity; maybe it was being some place that was his; maybe it was because he wasn't waiting for anyone.

It was almost noon when Castle made it to the kitchen for coffee; the jack hammers having been quieted to an incessant, but not altogether unpleasant, buzzing in his head. Martha's purse was on the bar, so he knew she was in the loft somewhere, though he didn't think she had been when his driver assisted him inside. There was no way for him to be sure since he could only recall bits and pieces of his own arrival anyway.

Martha living at the loft had worked out well for him and his mother when they struck an agreement that would allow her to continue to stay rent free and give Richard the luxury of having a second home that would be there whenever he needed it. He hadn't been ready to give up the place; sentimentality playing a key role. Alexis had grown up in the loft; and some would say, so had he. He had written all of the Nikki Heat books in his office and it was the place where Kate had confessed her feelings for him and they had finally made love for the first time. Whatever the reason, the loft was still here for him and in it he was able to right himself; something he hadn't been able to do so far in the DC townhouse.

Glancing at the clock, Castle knew he had to get moving. Gina would expect him to arrive at the party venue no later than 7:00 and he had business at The Old Haunt that would not wait. He searched for his cell wondering what he had done with it. His sketchy memory of the time he was actually in the loft last night wasn't helping. The last thing he could clearly recall was sending Kate a text letting her know he had arrived in New York, but clarity was lost at that point and he couldn't remember if he had done that in the car or once he was inside. Using the house phone, he called his own cell; nothing. Realizing that the meetings he had set up at the bar with his accountant, managers and staff were scheduled to begin in less than a hour; he abandoned the search for his phone and claimed a shower that he was certain would finish what simply being home had initiated; the return of Richard Castle.

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Castle paced downstairs waiting on his mother; the car already there, "Mother, we really have to go. Gina will come unglued if I'm late."

Martha's retort was ready at the word Gina, "That woman will get over it, Richard."

Castle had decided weeks ago to escort his mother to the book release party versus attending alone. With it being a virtually nonexistent possibility that Kate would be able to get away from work, he thought having Martha with him when he addressed the absent fiancée issue would raise fewer eyebrows than if he were there by himself. He couldn't help the disappointment that pulled at him; this would be the first Nikki Heat release party Kate had missed.

Accepting the futility of trying to rush Martha, Castle decided the best use of his time would be spent looking for his cell phone. The NY Post was open on the counter and he was immediately distracted by it. The book release party for Deadly Heat was a featured article on Page 6 as was the return of the prodigal son Richard Castle to New York; his first since moving to DC with fiancée and Nikki Heat inspiration former NYPD detective Katherine Beckett. It further heralded the release and subsequent box office success of the Heat Wave movie and hinted that negotiations were already underway for a sequel. The article went on to elaborate on the Gotham Hall venue where the party was being held. It was pointed out that this was by far the largest release party to date for one of his books with a guest list that would be the envy of any author. It was rumored that at last review, the list was pushing four hundred guests with invitation requests still pouring in to the publishing company.

"Richard, I am very proud of you. You know that don't you?" Martha appeared at Castle's side.

The positive press had lifted Castle's mood somewhat and he kissed her on the cheek, "Thank you, Mother. You look gorgeous, by the way."

She lit up and took a moment to gaze into her son's blue eyes, "Thank you, darling; so do you."

"The car is waiting, Mother," Castle tried to steer her toward the front door.

Martha followed his lead, but kept her eyes on him, "You okay kiddo?"

Castle knew his mother's question was more complex than she had made it sound. She wanted to know what led to last night's early arrival and scotch fest; how he felt about Kate not being here; his life in DC. For Castle, tonight was a night to celebrate his professional life; the rest of it would have to wait.

If having good traffic karma was any indication how the night was going to go, they were in for one hell of a fantastic night. Instead of being late, they arrived at Broadway and 36th a few minutes early. There was already a large crowd of onlookers, media and paparazzi gathered on either side of the entrance anxious to see exactly who was going to show for the event since it had been trending all day.

As Castle and Martha stepped out of the limousine she whispered to him, "Richard, I think you have arrived."

Castle smiled taking in all of the excitement right along with her before tucking her hand under his arm, "I'm glad you are here with me, Mother." She was the one woman who always had been.

Martha's eyes teared, "Don't you make me mess up my makeup, Richard."

Castle answered as he began working their way toward the front door, pausing intermittently for pictures, "I wouldn't dream of it."

Once inside, Gina pulled Castle to the side, "You're ready for questions about why Nikki Heat isn't here?"

Castle ineffectively tried to hide his annoyance, " Kate isn't here because of her new job in DC."

"What about when they ask about your engagement?" Castle was surprised that her jealousy was so thinly veiled.

"We are engaged, but haven't set a date yet," Castle had planned out exactly what he was going to say long before Gina's inquisition. His philosophy was the less he said, the less likely he was to screw it up.

Gina was giving him a look he recognized. He didn't like it now anymore than he did when they were married, "She couldn't be here for you on this one night, Rick? Do you recognize the PR issues that her absence creates?"

Trying to hide the fact that the same thoughts had crossed his own mind, Castle reacted, "Gina, she's not here. There's nothing to be done about it. Just make it work."

Gina looked like she wanted to object, but apparently thought better of it, "You're right. It's going to be a great night for you. Enjoy it. You've earned it."

Castle released his earlier annoyance choosing to believe that she was being sincere, "Thanks, I will."

He turned to Martha who stood waiting several feet away, "Shall we?" Martha's answer was to link her arm back with her son's.

The Grand Ballroom at Gotham Hall was architecturally stunning with seven story glass dome ceilings, Corinthian columns, marble accents and a 10,000 square foot oval shape hinting at elegance you couldn't deny after walking through the ten foot tall brass doors to gain entry. This location was far removed from the restaurant bars and rooftops of Castle's earlier years. He found a certain satisfaction in that; validation of sorts, he may or may not have arrived, but he was certainly on one hell of a journey.

For tonight the ballroom had been outfitted with cocktail seating and a buffet that was being catered by Gotham Grill. Deadly Heat promotional materials were spread throughout as were plenty of copies of the book, but had not been overdone allowing the event a more refined feel than previous release parties. The music was upbeat and the three bars set up around the room were stocked and ready to serve.

Once people began arriving, they kept coming. Castle was meeting and greeting for the next hour and a half; grateful and gracious to each individual who came through the door; notable or not.

As the evening wore on and he completed the contractual obligations related to the party, he began to relax. The room was energizing; people were laughing, talking and partaking of the open bar. His speech had gone over well; the reading from Deadly Heat had elicited the hoped for laughs and surprised faces, and his hand felt like he had signed at least five hundred books.

Just when Castle was about to retire from the author's table, a shadow crossed his face, "Who should I make it out to?"

"To your biggest fan," Alexis was standing in front of him smiling.

Castle's chair tipped backwards in his excitement, "Alexis, you're here! You're not supposed to be back for another week!"

The two embraced and Martha stood only feet away enjoying the reunion, "I know, but I just couldn't miss being here with you. It's kind of our thing."

Castle caught his mother's eye and knew that somehow she had played a hand in this, "I am so happy to see you! How was Costa Rica?"

"We'll talk about that later. Tonight's your night," Alexis was beaming at him. "This is a pretty amazing party, Dad."

Castle looked around pretending that he hadn't noticed, "I guess it's alright."

Alexis shook her head at him, "Gina went all out." Castle heard the innuendo, but chose to let it pass without comment.

"Richard, Alexis and I are going to the buffet. We're famished. Will you find us some place to sit?" Martha was already walking away with Alexis as happy to see her as he was.

Castle watched them go for a few seconds until a voice behind him drew his attention, "Nice party, bro."

A grin spread across Castle's face before he could even turn around, "I know, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it's okay," Ryan stood there happily holding his wife's hand while Esposito and Lanie smiled back at Castle.

"It is so good to see you guys," Castle was referring to the whole group and he exchanged hugs with each of them.

"You have no idea, bro. Things aren't the same at the precinct without you and Beckett," Javi volunteered.

"Is Kate here?" Lanie asked hopefully.

Castle's expression gave her the answer, "She's really busy. Just couldn't take any time away right now."

Jenny asked the question the others seemed to be avoiding, "Does she like what she's doing?"

Castle stalled for a moment. The truth was he didn't know how Kate felt about her new job. They never talked about it, but he answered, "She's learning a lot every day."

Javi and Kevin gave Castle a look that wanted to know what kind of bullshit answer that was, but Castle was granted a reprieve when Martha and Alexis returned with their food, "Dad, did you find us a spot?"

Castle remembered that they had a reserved table just a few feet from where they were now. Once Martha and Alexis were settled, Lanie and Jenny decided the buffet was a great idea and left the men standing a few feet from the table ordering drinks from the nearest bar.

"So how's it really going in DC, bro?" Javi clearly wanted more than Castle had offered so far.

"Yeah, Castle, spill," Kevin added.

Castle had to make a decision; blow smoke or blow it up; he tried for somewhere in between, "It's been tough."

Kevin and Javi exchanged knowing glances like the topic had already been up for discussion, "You set a date for the wedding yet?"

Javi gave Kevin a look that told him to slow his roll, "It doesn't mean anything if you haven't, bro."

Castle looked back and forth between the two, "No, no wedding date. She hasn't even told anyone in DC we're engaged."

"Ouch!" Kevin blurted.

"Okay, you're done. Give me the beer," Javi reached for Kevin's drink, but he put it out of reach.

Kevin's look threatened physical pain if Javi tried to take it again, "It's not like the AG's office doesn't know you two are engaged; they would have covered all that personal stuff in the background checks they did before they even offered Beckett the job."

"Yeah, Castle, the feds do a regular "rotorooter" on their people and their significant others. I bet the file they have on you is twice the size of hers," Javi laughed, but he wasn't kidding.

The boys made sense; there was no way their engagement had flown under the radar during a thorough pre-employment background screening for a job with a special task force at the federal level. If they had known all along, what possible reason could Kate have for hiding their relationship at work?

"You two getting along?" Kevin continued his trip down none of your business lane.

Javi held his hands up in surrender, washing them of Kevin, "We get along fine when we see each other." Castle knew he wasn't being quite honest, but he hadn't talked with Kate since the party and talking about it with the boys before that happened didn't seem right somehow.

"Spending a lot of nights alone, Castle?" Kevin was drawing a conclusion more than he was asking a question.

Javi elbowed Kevin in the ribs as he was taking a drink of his beer, "Bro, what's wrong with you? Did you develop Tourette's in like the last five minutes?"

Kevin looked at Javi confused and a little annoyed, "What is your problem, dude?"

"A filter, bro. A filter. Get one," Javi recommended.

Castle laughed at the two letting them distract him for a moment from the unsettling thoughts he was having; he had missed the banter and the fun, until then he hadn't realized just how much.

"Hey, when you going back to DC?" Javi changed the subject.

Kevin's eyes lit up at Javi's question. Castle had a feeling something was up, "I was going back tomorrow, but since Alexis came home a week early, I was thinking I might stay a few more days."

Javi was watching Kevin who was bouncing from one foot to the other with excitement, "Go ahead, bro."

"We gotta weird one, Castle," Ryan blurted.

Javi nodded, "Weird." His overly serious facial expression made it funny.

"What kind of weird?" Castle felt that familiar sensation that always came over him at the beginning of a new case.

Ryan paused for effect, "Body parts."

"No, way!" Castle's twelve year old self showed up.

"Yes, way, bro. We've got three parts from the same female victim. All found in different locations," Javi filled in some details he knew would lure Castle in.

"Did you find them on the same day?" his eyes dilated as his thinking shifted out of party mode.

"So far, we've gotten a new part every two days," Kevin clarified.

"When's the next one due?" Castle held his breath.

Javi and Kevin knew they had him now, "Tomorrow."

"Any ID on the vic yet?" with only six weeks gone it wasn't hard to return to thinking like a cop.

Javi took this one, "The first two drops were the legs which basically gave us nothing since the victim's DNA wasn't in the system. Today we got an arm and we're running prints hoping something will pop."

"How do you know the parts were dropped two days apart? Could they have all been dumped the same day and they just weren't found?" Castle felt like he was missing part of the story.

"No way, Castle. The creep drops them out in the open where no one could miss them," Javi explained.

"Yeah, like inside an apartment building leaning up against someone's door," Ryan offered specifics.

"Whoa, that's creepy," Castle observed.

Javi watched Castle's face and knew he was already working the case in his mind, "So, what do you say, bro?"

Castle looked at his friends, "Well, Gates did say I was welcome back anytime there was a case that interested me."

Ryan decided to throw in a little more enticement, "Besides, don't you want to meet Beckett's replacement?"

Javi could tell by Castle's reaction the additional lure was having an effect, "You know, yeah, I do want to work this case."

"And meet Beckett's replacement?" Espo threw the incentive bait back out there.

Castle seemed to be considering his options, "Absolutely; might make a great new character for my next book."

Espo and Ryan performed a low key fist bump. "Yes, the boys are back!" Espo celebrated.

About that time, Lanie and Jenny returned to the table with their food. The men moved to join them, "Who is the new detective?"

Javi answered Castle, "Name is Steele. Morgan Steele."

"You know what's funny is that Steele came to us from MPD in DC," Kevin threw in.

Lanie knew what the boys were talking about without even asking, "They told you about our body parts case?"

Castle nodded almost happily, "Has my name written all over it."

"That's what I told them," Lanie assured him. "So, you in Castle?"

Castle's face lit up with Beckett's favorite smile; the one that always seemed to end up with him running with scissors, "I'll bring the donuts."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X


	5. Chapter 5

**_Her composure splintering, like cracks in glass exposed to heat. Every unanswered call, ignored message, a new fissure, threatening to break her completely._**

**_ follow at Castleficlets_**

226 Miles

Chapter 5

Kate couldn't believe it. The night operation had been cancelled, but not until it was too late to catch a plane to New York. She knew that Castle was already at the book release party and she hoped he was having a good time. She checked her phone for the hundredth time since early afternoon. He wasn't calling her back. What did that mean? Was he angrier than she had thought about the cocktail party; about her not being there for him tonight when he had been there for her? It wasn't the same thing; was it?

"I'm out of here, Beckett," Emily dropped by Kate's desk obviously headed out the door right after.

Kate's guts churned. She didn't know what was up with Castle; the townhouse was going to be empty again and she wasn't looking forward to that, "Gellar, you got some place you have to be?"

Emily shot her a look that asked if Kate was kidding, "The only place I ever have to be is here."

Kate jumped up and grabbed her gear, "Why don't you come to my house? We can have some wine, a little dinner and talk."

Gellar seemed to be thinking the offer through, "I don't know, Kate. It's already late."

Kate wondered why, "You don't have anywhere to be, right? And I don't have anyone waiting for me. How often is that going to happen?"

Emily knew it was going to be far more often than Kate realized but replied, "Sure, why not."

"I'm only about ten minutes from here," Kate was pleased that she was going to have some company particularly since Castle seemed to be freezing her out.

"Kate, I know where you live," Emily told her as if it were a given.

"You do?" Kate was perplexed.

"It's my job to know," Emily turned and walked toward the exit. "I'll see you there in a few. Gonna pick up some wine and snacks."

Emily's admission jammed Kate up for a moment. She guessed that it made sense that her residence was common knowledge to her superiors, but it did make her wonder what else she could expect to no longer be her own private personal business.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The book release party wrapped a resounding success; Castle invited his friends to the Haunt to extend the evening; not looking forward to another night without the warmth of Kate's body beside him. The limousine ride was full of relaxed laughter and genuine pleasure in each other's company. Alexis sat between her grandmother and her father clearly happy that she had come. Lanie, Espo, Kevin and Jenny sat facing them enjoying the touch of luxury and the champagne.

"Alexis, I cannot get my phone to unlock. I put the code in and it makes an unpleasant sound at me. It's even locked me out several times and I have to wait forever to try again," Martha explained handing her phone to her granddaughter.

Castle was drawn to their conversation seeing the problem immediately, "That's because it's not your phone, Mother."

Martha's response was classic, "Well, I guess that would explain things."

Castle took it from Alexis and put in his code; annoyed and relieved at the same time, "Mother, my call log says I spoke with Kate this morning for about five minutes."

"No, that would have been me, Richard," Martha was digging in her handbag like some kind of squirrel looking for her own phone. "You know, I bet that is how I ended up with your phone."

Castle stopped scrolling through multiple messages from Beckett, glanced at Alexis for confirmation that he should make a snide comment. Alexis shook her head and mouthed the word no. He grimaced and asked, "You talked to Beckett?"

Martha thought for a moment, "Yes, darling, this morning. It was really early; I had just gotten in."

Alexis looked up at the car's ceiling wondering why she couldn't escape hearing things like this about her grandmother.

Castle watched Alexis and tried to suppress a smile; he knew exactly what she was thinking, "Why didn't you wake me?"

Martha gave Richard an incredulous look, "Richard, there was no waking you this morning."

Martha and Castle both looked at Alexis sitting between them, "Great both my role models were too drunk to take a phone call this morning."

Martha took issue with Alexis' comment, "I answered the phone just fine, young lady."

Castle decided to ignore both of them, "What did she say, Mother?"

By this time the other passengers in the limo had been drawn into the drama across from them, "Yeah, what did she say?"

Everyone's eyes rested on Ryan in silent rebuke, "I do not have Tourette's!"

Martha suddenly remembered, "She wanted you to call her when you got up."

Javi mumbled to Lanie, "That's it?"

Kevin looked around Jenny at Javi, "I know right, bro?"

Lanie stared them both down, "Shut up."

The limousine pulled up in front of The Old Haunt ending the conversation much to Alexis' relief. The whole group piled out of the car; the jovial mood from before quickly returning.

"You guys go on in, I'm going to try and reach Beckett," Castle left his eyes on Martha letting her know this issue was not closed.

Her response was to quickly usher their guests inside, "Let's go everyone! The drinks are on Richard!"

"Mother…," but the door had already shut behind them.

The sound of the still bustling traffic provided Castle a focal point that he felt he needed for this phone call. He wasn't nervous exactly, but he wasn't particularly looking forward to the content of the call though he desperately needed to connect with Kate; to hear her say his name, tell her he loved her.

Before returning the call, he scanned through her text messages. There were at least twenty of them spread throughout the day; about thirty minutes apart wishing him luck tonight, asking him to please call her, questioning if everything was alright. They all seemed to be in the same vein until he got to the last one. It simply said; I'm sorry. Castle brushed away from the last text; those two words becoming less meaningful to him every time she defaulted to them. She answered on the first ring, "Castle, I'm so glad you finally called me back."

"It's a long story. I lost my phone last night and just had it returned," Castle did feel badly that Kate had suffered through the day thinking he was ignoring her.

"Did your mother tell you I called this morning?" Kate's relief was almost physical. She had answered the phone coming in the front door of the townhouse. She dropped all of her things in the hall and headed to the kitchen.

"Yes, but it was only about ten minutes ago. I hope you weren't worried," Castle's tone was warm and sincere and Kate latched onto it. "You still at work?"

Kate pulled two wine glasses from the cabinet, "Believe it or not, I'm at home."

"Of course you are," Castle muttered, but the street noise kept Kate from hearing him.

"What did you say?"

Disappointment was hard to keep out of his voice, "I'm glad you finally got a night to yourself." His replacement comment sounded fake in his own ears.

"How was the book release?" Kate didn't want to talk about being at home without him.

This was a much easier topic, "It went really well; huge turnout; lots of press. The best part of the night was when Alexis showed up to surprise me."

Kate wished she could have done the same, "Castle, that's wonderful. I know you have missed her while she's been in Costa Rica. How was her trip?"

"Wouldn't talk about it yet; said tonight was my night," he knew without a doubt that Alexis was the very best of him.

Kate's thoughts turned punitively inward, "I wish I could have been there with you tonight."

Silence echoed between them, "I do too."

Kate knew that short answers from Castle were almost equivalent to non-answers, "I'll make it up to you when you get home tomorrow."

Another hesitation from Castle; it put her on alert, "About that; I'm not coming home tomorrow."

Kate had a thought that might be the case the moment she heard that Alexis was back early from Costa Rica. She tried to hold any negative emotion out of her voice, "I guess you want to spend some time with her before she goes back to school."

"Yes, I really do," Castle was quick to answer.

"I understand. I'll miss you, but I get it," Kate meant it, but she didn't like it; she needed him with her; there was no way she could tell him that; not after last night.

"How long do you think you'll stay in New York?" she had been hoping he would offer the information, but when he didn't she had to ask.

"I'm not sure," Castle's vague response was making her desperate.

Kate's mind processed frantically; he was in no hurry to come home to her, "Well, it's only Tuesday night. When do you think you might make it back?" She knew it was pushing, but knowing he hadn't planned his return made her anxious.

Castle's tone was hard to read through the traffic noise she was picking up, "Kate, there's something else keeping me here."

Kate sucked in a surprised breath, "Okay, what is it?"

"Espo, Ryan and Lanie came to the party tonight. There's a case; they think I can help," Castle worded the news carefully.

Now it was Kate's turn to hesitate, to control a momentary rush of emotion; building theory was their thing, what brought them together, "Castle, I completely get you wanting to stay and spend a few days with Alexis, but a case? Who knows how long that could keep you there? You and I both know that once you get started, you won't be able to leave it until it's solved."

Castle knew she was right, but he wondered if how long he would be away should even be a consideration, "You're never home and when you are it's for a few hours sleep and sex."

Castle's words jabbed at her, "Look I know that you have given up a lot for us to be together while I see where this job might go."

Castle cut her off out of frustration, "The townhouse is finished; I've turned in my next book to Gina; I have no friends in DC."

"What about me, Rick?" Kate realized that the question could be answered from two perspectives.

"What about you? Kate, you have everything you want," Castle began pacing the pavement in front of the bar.

"I want you here with me," Kate told him honestly.

"Do you. It sure didn't seem like it last night," anger and hurt teamed up for that one. "Maybe you do as long as I'm not seen or heard by anyone you work with."

She so hadn't wanted to do this over the phone, "I'm sorry about last night. I just didn't want to be the new female agent coming in with the famous fiancé and huge diamond engagement ring that probably costs more than most of them make in a year."

Castle didn't say anything, so she went on, "I wanted their judgments to be based on me; how I do my job, not who I'm going to marry."

"Castle?" she prompted when all she could hear on the line was traffic.

"I heard you. You wanted it to be about you," his words weren't for her. "I'm staying in New York for a while; I don't know how long," Castle's wasn't asking; he was informing her of his plans.

"What about me?" Kate was hurting, and she couldn't hide it.

If Beckett could have seen the look on his face, the expression in his eyes; she would have been on the first plane out of DC, "This isn't about you. It's about me; this time it's about my life."

The words she had used to defend her own actions were now his, "Castle, come home."

"Kate, I am home," he was pained that she didn't see that he was suffering in their current situation.

"Rick, I love you," Kate could tell he wanted to end the conversation; she didn't.

"I love you, too. I'm at the Haunt with everyone, so I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow," Castle didn't wait for Kate's response before disconnecting; people he loved were waiting on him for a change, and at the moment, he couldn't think of anything he needed more.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

_**Eyes still on her phone, head in her hands, she releases a shaky breath. She silently wonders if he can hear her heart breaking from 226 miles away **_

_**Follow at castleficlets**_

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Kate stood at the counter staring at her phone. The line hadn't simply gone dead; it had been severed on the other end; abruptly.

The doorbell rang and it took a moment for Kate to realize what it was; it was the first time she had been home to hear it. As she headed to answer it, she tried to clear all expression from her face and replace it with a smile. Who was she kidding; Emily would know right away something was wrong.

"I picked up red and white. I didn't know what you were up for," Emily let her comments drop off when she caught a look at Kate.

"Come on in," Kate led the way to the kitchen.

"You talked to him?" Emily used the obvious as a conversation starter.

Kate kept moving; taking the bottle of red from Emily and pouring her frustration into removing the cork, "Yeah, we talked."

She found Kate's body language telling, "When's he coming home?" Seemed like a safe question at the time.

"I don't know," Kate's hair was blocking Emily's view of her face.

Grateful momentarily that Kate's back was to her, Emily checked an expression that would have revealed that she was taken aback by her answer, "Something come up?"

Kate broke the cork off in the bottle, cursed under her breath and shoved the remaining piece into the crimson liquid, "You could say that."

Kate poured two glasses while Emily took a seat on one of the barstools and waited.

"His daughter Alexis came back from a trip surprising him tonight at the book release," Kate decided to reveal what she knew in the order in which she had received it.

"Yeah, she was in Costa Rica, right?" Emily sipped her wine and watched Kate over the top of her glass.

Kate turned to face her, "Yes, but…"

"How did I know?" Emily finished the question for her.

"It's your job to know," Kate answered it.

Emily raised her glass toward Kate in a manner that said she was finally getting it.

"So, he's staying a few extra days to hang out with his kid?" she drew the most reasonable conclusion.

"Yes, but that's not the only reason he's not coming back," Kate took a seat next to Emily.

Emily gave Kate a raised eyebrow to show interest, but nothing more, "He's been asked to consult on a case."

Things just got a lot more interesting for Emily, "By your old precinct?"

Kate nodded and finished off her first glass of wine not wasting time in pouring another, "He didn't say what it was. In fact, he didn't say a whole lot of anything about it."

"You're not happy with it, I take it?" Emily wasn't shy about asking clarifying questions; twenty-five years in law enforcement the culprit.

Kate stared into her wine; contemplating her answer, "It's not that exactly."

"That's what it looks like from here," Emily's face still held genuine concern for Kate, but the edge to her words still cut.

Her new friend didn't miss much, "I just want him here. That's the decision we made together; to get engaged and make a go of it in DC."

The brutality of Emily's honesty didn't let up, "You want me to believe that this was what Castle wanted at this juncture in his life; you working twenty hours a day at a job that basically excludes him from the vast majority of yours?"

Kate stared straight at Emily; a flash of irritation making her push back, "You don't believe in pulling any punches."

Emily laughed softly; it was soothing to Kate unlike her words, "It seems to me that you're not used to hearing truths that haven't been insulated in some way; particularly when they relate to your personal life."

Kate felt as though she had been physically pushed into a corner, "Okay, so maybe I don't want him working at the precinct without me. That was how we met; were first attracted to one another; fell in love."

Kate knew to brace herself at this point, "So because you gave it up to pursue other avenues, he shouldn't do it anymore?"

This was getting exhausting, "Of course not."

Emily laughed again and refilled her own wine, "You're words are the politically correct ones, but I'm not sure your feelings are on board."

Kate shook her head, "This what it feels like to be profiled?"

The two women shared a kindred laugh, "Professional hazard; makes it hard to keep friends sometimes."

The tension disappeared between them as quickly as it had arisen and Kate decided it was Emily's turn on the hot seat, "Time for a little quid pro quo?"

"I guess that's only fair," Emily took a moment to gather her thoughts.

Kate figured Emily was systematically determining what she was willing to share. She was quickly learning that there was very little about her new friend that was not calculated and weighed for impact, "Let's start with an easy one; anyone special in your life?"

"Not anymore," Emily's tell was a slight twitch of her lower lip.

This time Kate waited for her, "I was married for fifteen years. Dylan is a high school math teacher; brilliant mind. We met in college in a statistics class. He was pre-law and I was criminal justice. We hit it off, got married, and had two kids while we were still in school."

When Emily paused, Kate commented, "You have two kids?"

Emily brightened at the question, "Yeah, two boys; Reilly and Tyler. Reilly is married and an architect in an up and coming firm and Tyler became a teacher like his dad."

"Neither followed in mom's footsteps?" Kate asked genuinely interested.

Emily's laughed was sardonic and her face clouded, "My boys made sure they were nothing like me."

Kate was going to change the subject, but Emily continued, "I can't blame them though. I wasn't there for them; not like their father was and when I could manage to show up; I was late or had to leave in the middle. They learned pretty early to expect mom when they saw her coming."

Kate could feel the lament in Emily's words, but she wasn't quite sure it added up to regret, "Do you see them very often?"

"Once or twice a year; phone calls on birthdays and mother's day," Emily threw back the last inch of her wine.

"And Dylan?" Kate wanted to know more; a cautionary tale seemed to be in store.

Kate refilled Emily's glass for her, "Dylan hung in there with me for the fifteen years with the bureau. He believed my promises of moving up and working more regular hours with less travel. Funny thing is I believed them too; at least for a while."

"What happened?" Kate needed to know.

"The AG Investigative Team offer came along. I wanted it, so I took it," Emily's voice dropped with the emotional weight of her words. "Dylan was done; he took the kids and moved to Richmond to take a job outside the city."

Kate put it together, "Left a note?"

"And divorce papers. He got married a year later to a teacher he met at work," Emily didn't add anything more.

Kate decided they probably needed to eat something after the bottle of wine they had polished off over the last hour, so she began opening the snacks that Emily had brought, "Kate, no matter how much the man loves you; he won't hang on forever. And when he leaves, it won't be because he stopped."

Kate paused and looked at Emily who seemed to be somewhere far away from her townhouse kitchen, "He'll leave because somewhere along the way understanding that he can't compete with your work will sink in. That every time there is a choice to be made between him and the job; the job will win. That's when they leave, Kate; they leave and they don't come back."

The townhouse was still and silent as if it too had to digest what it had heard. Two stories; one balanced precariously on a promise; the other long since over. Kate wondered if this had been the cautionary tale that she had originally thought it was or merely the laying of ground work so her path to an unavoidable conclusion wouldn't be as traumatic for her as it had been for Emily.

"Shall we crack open another bottle?" Kate asked finally finding her voice.

Emily had dug around in places within herself she usually tried to avoid so she answered, "Do you even need to ask?"

Kate went to work on the cork hoping this time she didn't screw it up.


	6. Chapter 6

_**It's comforting, familiar, a warm embrace from an old friend. Smell of stale coffee, excitement of a case, friendship, belonging, home. (follow at Castleficlets)**_

226 Miles

Chapter 6

Castle's arrival at the 12th was met with warm greetings and welcomes all around. They left him feeling as though his absence had been felt and his return worth notice. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed the precinct; its energy pulling at him causing his heart to increase its rhythm a few beats the moment he had stepped from the elevator.

With donuts in hand, he made his way to the bullpen where the boys' enthusiastic hugs and smiles continued to fill Castle's emotional reservoir; he hadn't known how empty it was, "Donuts!"

Castle was grinning broadly unable to bridle his excitement, "Would I let you guys down?"

"Better not after we brought you in on this case, bro," Javi grabbed a glazed from the open box Castle presented and bit into it with relish.

Kevin grabbed a jelly filled, "Castle, this place has not been the same without you."

Javi talked with his mouth full, "That's right, bro. It's been way too serious around here since you and Beckett left."

Hearing her name in this place; knowing she was gone for good; his eyes traced to her old desk. It was someone else's now; he wanted to know who. Was this new detective worthy to sit in that desk and lead this team? He was ready to find out.

"Mr. Castle," a familiar voice called from behind him.

Castle spun around to face Gates; smile in place and donuts at the ready, "Sir, it is good to see you."

Gates gave Castle a look that said she found his comment a bit circumspect, but she responded, "I have to say that it is good to see you too, Mr. Castle." Her eyes flicked dismissively over the donuts. "How's Beckett doing with the new job?"

It was the question that just kept on giving, "It keeps her pretty busy, sir."

Javi and Kevin could tell that Castle was evading just like he had done at the book release party.

He quickly changed the subject, "Thank you for leaving the door open for me to come back for a case now and then." Castle eyed the murder board, "This one looks pretty unusual."

"We both know you like the weird ones and this one certainly falls into that category of crazy you like so much. Don't forget that all the rules still apply," Gates started to drift back to her office, "particularly those releases you signed indemnifying the police department should something go amiss."

Javi jabbed Kevin in the arm laughing, "See, she totally missed him."

"She's reminding him if he dies it's his fault," Kevin grabbed another donut from the box Castle still held open at the ready.

Javi seemed to find that funny and took a sprinkle covered donut before he had even finished the last one, "Check out the board, bro."

Castle's eyes locked on the whiteboard that stood where it always had; just feet from Beckett's desk. Only it wasn't Beckett's anymore; Detective Steele called it home now. The thought prompted a question from Castle to the boys, "So does this new detective know you asked me to consult?"

"Oh, yeah, Steele is totally down with it," Javi and Kevin exchanged knowing glances.

"Why do I feel like I'm missing something?" Castle eyed them suspiciously.

"Aren't you always missing something, Castle?" Javi's eyes were filled with mischief.

Both of them tried their best to look innocent; failing miserably, "Bro, Steele is actually looking forward to meeting you."

Kevin took a huge bite of his donut leaving grape jelly around his lips like a three year old, "Totally on board with you being here; great minds and all that junk."

Convinced something was going on, but realizing he would have to wait and see to find out what it was, Castle walked over to the murder board; Javi and Kevin dropping in at each shoulder.

"So did anything come back on the prints?" Castle drew on what he had learned about the case last night.

"Nothing has popped so far," Kevin offered.

"We're trying a broader range of data bases to see if she was printed for a job or some kind of security clearance," Javi went for donut number three.

Kevin gave him a look that asked if he really needed that, "I'm hungry, bro."

Castle breathed deeply smiling inwardly at his friends; he was exactly where he needed to be, but that understanding didn't keep his mind from going to Kate. Their talk last night hadn't ended on a very positive note; he had been frustrated, still hurt by the cocktail party and disappointed that she ended up with the night off, but hadn't made the effort to come to New York to be with him even for a few hours. What had she said? DC was only a short airplane ride away? Maybe she had only meant that for him; wouldn't be the first time he had found himself on a one way street with Beckett.

Castle forcefully pulled himself back to awareness, "What do we know?" And so it began as it had over a hundred times before; only this time it was without Beckett.

Javi and Kevin effortlessly and without any resistance, fell into old patterns, "The victim is in her early forty's. Lanie estimates that she was killed eight days ago."

"Which means that he made the first body part dump the day he killed her," Kevin clarified for Castle.

"I don't suppose we have a COD?" Castle wasn't expecting much.

"Actually we have a theory on that," Javi pulled a file from the stack on his desk and handed it to Castle.

"Lanie says there was a crap load of Oxy and Ketamine in the blood she was able to pull from the arm and both legs," Javi gave Castle the highlights from the file.

"The dismemberment was post mortem," Kevin added.

Out of habit Castle sat on the edge of Beckett's old desk studying the board, "So if none of the other parts show up with any other injuries, it would seem like our killer isn't really in this for the thrill of it."

Javi added a new photo of the arm to the board, "And he doesn't seem to have any medical training; the cuts are jagged with multiple stops and starts. The places where he chooses to make his cuts are not consistent on the legs and on the arm he avoided the joint all together and cut through the middle of the upper bone."

Kevin interjected looking at Javi with a smirk, "The humerus is a very dense bone as is the femur in the upper leg; cutting through them would not have been quick."

"Would have been messy too; skin, flesh and blood flying everywhere. Lanie says it was some kind of motorized saw. She's trying to track the blade type and make," Javi kept eating his third donut while he talked; staring at Ryan. Kevin tossed the remains of his in the trash; feeling a little bit queasy.

Castle had been listening intently, "And if he holds to pattern, the next body part should show up today?"

The boys looked like two bobble heads nodding, "The first part showed up eight days ago. The victims left leg was leaning against the front door at 57 West 9th."

Kevin recorded the information on the board as Javi relayed it to Castle, "The other leg showed up two days later at 57 East 11th."

"Different parts of town, but the 57 might be important," Castle moved directly into trying to make connections.

"I don't think so, bro, because the arm was left leaning against a building at 43 West 25th," Javi watched Kevin copy the information down.

Castle's brow furrowed, "No witnesses to any of these drops?"

Kevin answered his question, "Canvasses have turned up nada."

"He has to be dropping them after the streets have pretty much cleared for the night," Castle speculated.

"So our guy has a wicked case of insomnia and it makes him go to pieces?" Javi chirped.

Castle threw Javi a look that Kevin quickly mirrored, "Too soon?"

"Way, bro. Way too soon," Kevin confirmed.

Javi accepted the verdict, "Sorry."

"So what do we do now? Just wait and see if he keeps to his schedule?" Castle was fully engaged.

"He will. This guy has issues that aren't going to go away by themselves," Javi offered his opinion.

Kevin took the opening, "You would know, dude."

Castle laughed out loud and Javi's retort was squelched by his phone which he walked a few feet away to answer.

"Castle, you and Beckett okay?" Ryan took the moment to check in with him thinking he might get more of an answer than he had so far if it was just the two of them.

Castle hesitated and his eyes shifted away from Ryan, "I can't say it's been easy."

Ryan could see it in his face, "She loves you man."

Castle didn't seem to be in a place where acceptance of that statement at face value was possible, "Being in love isn't our issue, Ryan."

Javi interrupted; his phone call over, "Our guy left us another present. Lanie needs us in the morgue."

"What'd he leave us?" Castle escaped the conversation with Kevin.

"The torso," Javi was already heading for the elevator.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Kevin blurted easily distracted by the news.

Castle eased his thoughts away from his problems with Kate, "Where was the drop this time?"

Javi knew where Castle was going, "Sorry bro, 98 East 31st. Number thing is still a bust."

Castle wasn't so sure about that, but let it go for now.

No one is usually happy to visit a morgue, but Castle was, "Lanie, just like old times?"

"Hey, Castle. Sure, if old times means I worked with the three stooges," Lanie had a scalpel in her hand and she was gloved up to cut.

"I like the three stooges," Kevin remarked to Javi in a muted voice.

"Me too, bro. Freaking funny shit," Javi encouraged. "Women don't get it."

"No, they don't. Too bad for them," Kevin added.

"If we're done with the side bar," Lanie eyed the boys until they stopped.

Just then the door to the morgue was shoved open and the fourth in their party finally made an appearance, "Detective Steele glad you could join us."

Castle turned around to face the door at the mention of the name; he'd been anxiously awaiting this introduction.

This new detective was nothing that he had expected; she was stunning, breathtaking even, high cheekbones, statuesque, dazzling smile, flawless sun kissed skin. Her personal style chic, trendy, comfortable heels, light makeup, an almost nonchalant approach to her attire; a woman who knows what she likes.

Castle could hear Javi and Kevin in the back of his mind; he had been set up.

"Richard Castle, this is Detective Morgan Steele," Lanie took care of the introductions when the boys seem too preoccupied to do it themselves.

Steele made her way toward Castle; her movements, fluid, smooth, radiating cool confidence; she stopped in front of him, their eyes met and his writer's mind immediately went to work thoroughly convinced that there was something here to explore.

Hands extended and held maybe a second longer than necessary, "Nice to meet you." There was muffled laughter from the boys at the simultaneous response.

There was openness, warmth, in the way she held his eyes, mystery, seeming to dare him to look deeper, "I take it you were expecting a guy, late fifties, overweight from too many donuts, chronic five o'clock shadow?"

Castle broke into a smile appreciating the levity while taking in dark blonde hair, a swirling combination of lowlights, highlights, depth, contrast, like sun breaking through water, "My friends left out some important details about you detective; and yes I made some erroneous assumptions."

She stared into him through startling blue eyes; smoky grey rims with brilliant shards of blue crashing through them, "Happens all the time when you're a girl named after your father's favorite rum."

Lanie rather abruptly broke up the personal conversation, "For those of you here to work, I have some information for you."

Ryan and Espo gave Castle a look that accused him of getting them in trouble, "Sorry, Dr. Parish, what have you got for us?" Morgan stepped up to the table and waited.

"This torso does belong to the other body parts we've recovered over the last eight days. I found the same Oxy and Ketamine cocktail along with an injection site in the lower neck just above the collar bone."

Steele had been listening intently, "So he had to get up close and personal?"

"Absolutely, it's possible she was staring right into her killer's face," Lanie added noticing that Castle and Steele were standing side by side.

"Any luck identifying the make and model of the blade?" Javi shouldered up to Castle.

Lanie sent a few daggers Javi's way having figured out the game he and Ryan had been playing at Castle's expense, "Not so far. I'll let you know when I have anything."

Castle knew enough to know they were being dismissed, "Thanks, Lanie."

Everyone turned toward the door, "Hey, Castle."

He paused and seeing the look on her face walked a few steps back toward her while they others headed out, "Something wrong?"

"How's our girl?" Lanie was asking a question and issuing a reminder.

He heard it loud and clear, "Working a lot; I don't see her much."

Lanie's tone softened, "How are you writer boy?"

Castle smiled appreciatively at her concern for him, "I'm hanging in there, Lanie." Castle took a few steps toward the door.

"She's never loved anyone the way she loves you, Castle. You two are meant to be," he stopped, hesitated, but didn't turn around or respond; seconds later all she could do was watch the door swing as he passed through it out of her morgue.

Kate was in DC and Castle was in New York. The writer was being evasive when questioned about their relationship and it hadn't taken much to get him to agree to take on the case keeping him in New York for an indefinite period of time. Lanie didn't have a good feeling about things before the team had come down to the morgue; her concerns even greater now. Though she believed that Castle was completely committed to Kate, Lanie couldn't deny the chemistry she saw materialize between Castle and Steele when the two met moments ago. She didn't know much about Morgan Steele, but she knew Richard Castle.

Torn; not having any idea what was the right thing, Lanie pulled out her phone, scrolled to Kate's number and gave herself a few more seconds to commit to a path there would be no coming back from, "Kate, it's Lanie. You got a minute to talk?"


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N – This chapter got really long, so I divided it into two... so that means that chapter 8 is basically done as well...hmmmmmm...when should I post it?**_

_**Many thanks to Yoda for being my ever faithful sounding board and master of the macabre. Shout out to PK for help with "designing" Morgan Steele and helping to craft the story. Any complaints please forward to PAK_321 on Twitter..LOL**_

_**Gray no longer black or white, right, wrong, justice, vengeance, the line disappearing like the shore at high tide, her morality ebbing away (follow at castleficlets)**_

226 Miles

Chapter 7

The early morning heads up to be ready to move had come at 3:00 AM; silenced service weapon holstered, body armor strapped down, and sitting second row behind the driver in the back of a black federal SUV. The four man team included Gellar, Dagget, Beckett, and Stack; their target an intel analyst working for an unnamed senator suspected of accessing classified information and pedaling it to the highest bidder through back water channels of the world wide web known and accessed by only the online illuminati; the elite hackers of the ether.

The job had required a stealth breech; the goal being that no one in the apartment building would ever know they had been there except their target. Things went according to plan resulting in the apprehension of an individual deemed a threat to the security of the United States. Warrants had been signed, were in hand, and sealed. Kate had followed orders; not her own investigative instincts; something that she was still training her questioning mind to accept.

Once back in the SUV, the target's fear had been a tangible presence in the vehicle as he sat between Kate and Dagget. The agents were silent; ignoring the plaintive pleas and questions of their suspect; innocence claimed; there had to be a mistake. Less than ten minutes into the early morning ride, the SUV stopped parallel to, but facing opposite directions from, another black SUV on a DC side street whose inhabitants were safely tucked inside their homes still fully under the veil that sleep provided. It took less than five seconds to transfer the prisoner from one vehicle to another; a sealed manila envelope the only communication between the two teams; less than five more for there to be doubt that the two vehicles and their occupants had ever been there at all. This was where the job ended for Stack's team; apprehension and delivery had been their task; once done, so were they.

Back in the office, Kate stretched in her chair trying to decide if a walk to the break room for coffee was worth it. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep. It was true she had gotten in early the night before and that Emily had headed home after only a couple of hours, but the relief of sleep was not to be hers; remaining elusive while still calling her name.

"You look like hell, Beckett," Emily was smiling, relaxed, centered.

"Thank you?" Kate wasn't sure what to say to the direct and harshly truthful greeting; hence the interrogative inflection.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" Emily was pointing out the obvious or being rhetorical; Kate didn't know which, so she just stared at her with a hint of a smile that could have meant almost anything or nothing.

"Thought it was your job to know everything," the edge left behind by a lack of sleep and the absence of Castle wasn't subtle.

"Who says I don't?" Gellar wasn't the least bit ruffled by Kate's sharp comment.

"I need coffee," Kate pushed out of her chair.

"Yes, you do," Emily seemed to be enjoying herself and wasn't bothering to hide it.

Kate finally realized what Emily was doing and laughed out loud, "All right, I get it. I need to relax a little."

Emily laughed with her; eyes dancing, "How about I get us that coffee and you try and find your happy place?" She didn't wait for an answer; just simply took Kate's acquiescence as a given.

Seconds after Gellar walked away, Kate's cell rang and Lanie's face popped up on the screen. Kate settled back into her chair thinking Lanie could help her find the happy place Emily had been referring to, "Lanie, hey."

"You have time to talk?" her tone pushed all thoughts of happy anything away.

"What's wrong? Is Castle all right?" her heart skipped a beat and fear climbed up from her belly at the thought something had happened to him.

"He's fine. He just left my morgue two minutes ago," Lanie reassured her.

Kate took a deep breath and relaxed back into her chair, "So what's the emergency?"

"You tell me. Something isn't right with you two," Lanie never was one for small talk when there was a bone to contend with.

Kate let her eyes rest on the ceiling, "Castle and I are fine; really fine. He's in New York because he had the book release party, business at the bar and now Alexis has come back early from Costa Rica."

"If that's true, when is he coming home?" Lanie dropped this bomb knowing Kate couldn't effectively deflect a question she didn't have the answer to.

As expected, Kate stammered trying to come up with something, "I'm not sure exactly."

"Of course you're not sure, because even Castle doesn't know when he is going back to DC now that he's on a case," Lanie's emotions bubbled to the surface.

"What did he tell you?" Kate lowered her voice.

"About the two of you? Nothing really; just that you work all the time," that was really all Lanie knew for certain. For once, Castle wasn't telling everything he knew. "What are you not telling me?"

Kate hesitated, "We had a fight before he left."

Kate spent the next couple of minutes outlining everything that had happened at the cocktail party; including Castle's early departure for New York afterwards leaving only a note behind in explanation.

Silence; shock, dismay, disappointment for and in her friend; Lanie scrambled mentally, not out to make an already bad situation worse she fished for more information, "Why weren't you here last night?"

"I thought I was going to have to work. By the time I found out that I didn't, it just seemed too little too late," Kate hoped her reasoning would fly with Lanie, but realistically knew she was going to get what was coming to her.

"Sounds like an excuse to me," Kate may have changed, but Lanie hadn't. "Let me see if I understand you correctly. First you keep your engagement to him a secret from the people you work with; you aren't wearing your ring at your new job, and he had to introduce himself as your escort and not your fiancé. Am I to assume he knew nothing about any of this until the party?"

Laid out like that, Kate felt like a complete jackass, "Yes, I mean no, he didn't know."

"How could you let him walk into that?" Lanie was hurt for Castle.

"Everything just caught up with me. I meant to talk to him before hand, but I never found the right time," Kate's attempt to defend herself fell on unsympathetic ears.

Lanie didn't even want to talk about this with Kate anymore; she couldn't find any reasonable excuse for Kate to have done what she did to Castle and Lanie didn't want to listen to her try, "Look, I called to tell you that you need to get your ass to New York and take care of your business before you don't have business left to worry about."

Emily walked up and put Kate's coffee on the desk in front of her, "Castle and I will work this out. We just need to talk face to face and everything will be fine."

Gellar made a motion asking Kate if she wanted privacy; Kate shook her head indicating that she should stay. "I wouldn't wait too long," it was clearly a warning.

Kate felt that whatever had compelled Lanie to call this morning still hadn't been shared, "Lanie, if you have something to say, just say it. What's this about?" Kate tried to pry the information from her friend.

"It's about your future with Castle and if you are really committed to it or not," Lanie was crashing into boundaries like a runaway vehicle. "Even he has his limits. You do realize that, don't you?"

"I love him and he loves me; we're getting married," that assurance only opened Kate up for more.

"When? When's the wedding, Kate?" Lanie cornered Kate with her own words.

"We haven't set a date," she had taken a few seconds to answer; stalling the inevitable only briefly.

"The man moves to DC for you; leaves his family, friends and life behind so you can pursue this job and you can't find time to set a wedding date? What do you think that says to him?" Lanie didn't know where else to go with the conversation. She had called to give her friend a heads up about something that at this juncture was relatively minor and found herself stuck in Kate's quicksand of questionable choices and self-centered thinking.

Lanie's anxiety had transferred through the call to Kate, "If there is something I need to know just tell me."

Lanie paused; conflicted; feeling somehow disloyal to Castle, she finally said, "Morgan Steele. Detective Morgan Steele. She's your replacement, Kate. And if you're not careful, it could be in more ways than one."

"Who's Morgan Steele?" Kate wasn't quite following the sudden shift in the conversation, but Lanie had her full attention.

Emily visibly reacted to the name; it was recognition, Kate was certain.

"You're the investigator; figure it out," Lanie challenged letting her frustration get the best of her.

Kate pressed for more, "What does Steele have to do with Castle?"

The morgue doors opened; a body being delivered, "I'm sorry. I have to go," Lanie ended the call; grateful for a legitimate escape.

Kate stared at the phone wondering exactly what had just happened, "What the…"

"Problems?" Emily leaned on the edge of Kate's desk so they could talk with lowered voices.

Kate's brow furrowed; running the conversation with Lanie through her head; wondering who the hell Morgan Steele was, "I'm not sure."

Emily read the emotions playing across Kate's face, "Castle?"

"My best friend isn't happy with me; the cocktail party fiasco; Castle didn't say anything to anyone," Kate wasn't really talking to Emily, but voicing her thoughts trying to process.

Emily asked a follow up anyway, "That surprises you; that he didn't tell them?"

Finally, eye contact, "Yeah, I thought he would."

"Maybe he was protecting you," Emily offered.

"From what?" Kate didn't see where her stream of thought was going.

"He didn't want them to be upset with you, so he kept it to himself," Emily explained, but then advocated what she believed was a far more plausible reason; "Maybe he was simply too embarrassed."

Kate ran both of her hands through her hair; closing her eyes to help her focus, "I don't ever have to worry about you landing just on my side, do I?"

"I'm trained to look at all angles in an argument," Emily defended. "It just didn't work in my own personal life," she admitted.

Kate stared directly at Emily; she asked a question she already knew the answer to, "You know her, don't you?"

Emily crossed her arms over her chest; an obvious tell, "I do know the detective; or I know of her."

Kate gave Emily a look that demanded that she give up what she knew, "I need to know what you know."

Emily seemed to consider Kate's request; making a decision she said, "She was a detective for eleven years at MPD. There was some kind of incident six or seven months ago; last I heard she took an opening out of state."

Realization dawned on Kate, "She's at the 12th running my old team."

"Sounds plausible," Emily agreed.

"Lanie wanted me to know that she's there; that she is there with Castle," Kate chewed her thumb as she ran possible scenarios as to why.

"You trust Castle?" Emily asked; the big picture crystal clear to her.

Kate didn't hesitate, "Yes, I trust him."

"Then what are you worried about?" Emily's words were meant to be encouraging, but somehow weren't.

Kate slurped down about half a cup of coffee that had cooled to lukewarm, "I want to know what you know about Morgan Steele."

Emily pushed up from Kate's desk, "Knowledge is power Agent Beckett."

Kate smiled wryly feeling that she was a cat dangling at the end of Emily's string, "If there was an incident, there's a file."

Appreciation flowed through Emily's eyes, "Let me see what I can do."

Kate watched her walk away. She did trust Castle; he was in love with her, of that she had no doubt, and she held firmly to the belief that he would never cheat on her knowing he had lived that heartache himself. That knowledge; however, did little to quiet a voice in the back of her mind; he would never cheat; but that didn't mean he would never leave.

Detective Morgan Steele she wasn't so sure about; she was an unknown element; a woman with a story, one that Castle probably wouldn't be able to resist finding out about. A woman working with him every day and most likely into the night for the foreseeable future; stalking a dangerous killer, the need to have one another's back, learning to depend on and trust in each other; all interactions that bred intimacy.

And there was Castle himself; irresistibly charming; undeniably handsome and not yet married with an absent seemingly inattentive fiancée. Even Kate had to admit subjective analysis of the situation led to only one conclusion; she needed to get her ass to New York.


	8. Chapter 8

Loyalty, trust, justice, the ties that bind them together, what they believe in. Partners, friends, brothers, family, it's what they have become. (follow at castleficlets)

226 Miles

Chapter 8

The team from the 12th was four again and to Javi and Kevin it felt strangely good. Morgan Steele; a detective looking for her own new beginning, had been with them for four weeks and things were going better than anyone expected. The loss of Beckett had been difficult at first, but Steele's confident, emotionally open presence was setting things right; allowing a sense of normalcy to reassert itself; so the loss could be healed and the gain embraced. They missed Beckett, but they knew she was doing what she wanted to do; everyone deserving of that opportunity. In the same vein, the team deserved to feel whole again and at least for a while they would be; they knew Castle wasn't there to stay, but they would take what they could get.

Lunch had been chilidogs from a street vender; a practice they agreed to continue every Wednesday; yes, there was definite hope for this team. A chance for their own new beginning, one that would fill a void created by what had been a loss for them and a desire for more for another.

Back in the bullpen, they spent some time adding the information they got from Lanie to the murder board. Javi read from the file to Kevin who added the torso to the list as well as the address where it had been found; 98 East 31st. Morgan had settled in her chair at her desk; Castle hesitating before he sat in what used to be his chair at the end of it.

Javi and Kevin noticed the hesitation and the quiet that accompanied it, "We got another piece of Humpty Dumpty, but I don't see it being any more help than the other parts."

Castle grinned watching Ryan react to having the same button pushed twice in one day, "Seriously, Humpty Dumpty?"

"Just until we find out her real name, bro," Javi grabbed a donut out of the box left over from breakfast. He took a bite, "What do you want to call her?"

Kevin searched his brain for something better, "The victim?"

Steele laughed getting up from her desk crossing over to the box of donuts, "We have to get the head eventually, Ryan. Once that happens, we can work on an ID. Until then, we just have to wait and see if Dr. Parish comes up with any trace we can use and spend tomorrow going over missing person reports. We might get lucky."

Castle was staring at the board, "What about the drop locations? Has anyone done anything with those?"

Javi rebroadcast an opinion that had not changed, "Castle, there is nothing special about them so far except that 57 showed up twice."

Morgan looked up, "In a city this size that does seem like a pretty big coincidence."

Castle let his eyes wander from the board to Steele in recognition of her statement. She exuded strength, power, intelligence, femininity, a rare combination which drew in those around her, like the pull of gravity, affecting everyone, yet surprisingly unaware of its impact.

Castle consciously forced his focus from Steele to Javi, "Fifty says the numbers are significant."

Javi pointed at Castle with donut in hand, "You're on."

Castle grinned and pointed back in confirmation, "Like taking candy from a baby."

"I want in on that," Steele left the donut box without taking one and returned to her chair; sinking into it, relaxed; enjoying this moment of down time.

"I'll take your money, Steele. You in for fifty like Richie Rich over there?" Javi was feeling confident.

"Hundred," she locked eyes with him as approval and encouragement flowed from Kevin and Castle.

Everyone's eyes rested on Ryan, "Bro?"

Kevin glanced back and forth between the three; one decision would get him in hot water with Javi and the other would make it a fair fight, "I'm with you, bro." Fist bumps followed his announcement and the deal was done.

Five o'clock came and went without notice; the four sat around the murder board speculating and arguing the viability of each offered story until someone realized they were the only ones from their shift still present.

Everyone grabbed their gear and headed toward the elevator; together; just like old times, "The Haunt, Castle?"

He glanced at his watch, "I better get home tonight. I want to spend some time with Alexis and I haven't had a chance to talk to Beckett yet today."

Javi replied as he punched the button calling the elevator, "We get it, bro. Tell her we said hey."

"How about I call ahead and have a table waiting for you guys; it's on me. A thank you for bringing me in on the case," Castle offered genuinely grateful to be there.

Kevin weakly offered resistance, "You don't have to do that, Castle."

The elevator opened and they all stepped inside as Javi answered "Shut up, bro. I'm all for Castle being grateful," Javi was enjoying himself. "You grateful enough to loan me the Ferrari for a few days?"

Steele had been amused by the repartee between the guys; they had been telling the truth when they told her having Castle on a case made everything more fun. He was fun, but more than just his obvious charm and intelligence; there was more to him; something beyond the obvious; something subtle; compelling; requiring a closer inspection. Interrupting the discussion about the Ferrari, Steele asked as the elevator doors slid shut, "Hey Castle, if you bring donuts tomorrow, can you throw in a bear claw?"

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The loft was quiet when Castle came through the door; it was dark and silent. Martha was obviously out and Alexis didn't seem to be home either; so much for father-daughter time. Castle still found the quiet of the townhouse disconcerting when he arrived there alone, but here the silence was a welcome friend and Castle embraced it through the memories it harbored; this quiet allowed his past to filter through him; reminding him of his life; of what was important; of what he had given up so she could have more and he could have her. Even empty, the space was energized with the people who had passed through its doors; leaving indelible impressions.

Castle found himself in the kitchen standing in front of an open refrigerator; not sure he was even hungry. He grabbed a beer, popped the top and took it with him into his office. Taking a spot in front of the windows looking out into the New York night, he realized how much he truly loved the city. He was a New Yorker; through and through. There was no place like it in the world and he missed it; it was home; would always be home.

When he had consumed enough of the bottle for his shoulders to relax and warmth to begin spreading through him, Castle took out his phone and dialed Kate; he listened expectantly to each ringing request it made to be answered.

Just when he was preparing to leave a message, the voice he was seeking picked up, "Castle."

"Beckett," his heart stuttered and he took in a breath.

"How are you?" her voice quickly became intimate and warm.

"I'm okay." He allowed himself to be honest, "I miss you, Kate." He wondered if she could hear how deep it really went.

"I miss you too," she had needed to hear him say that.

"I know it's only been a couple of days…" Castle's voice drifted to nothing.

"But it feels like forever," Kate finished knowing her feelings were a mirror to his.

He smiled, "It does."

Kate needed to ask, "How's the case?"

An easy one, "We don't have much case developing evidence yet, but if our killer keeps to his schedule, we should have enough to work with to really make some progress in two to four days." Castle didn't offer much more; having gotten use to not talking about work.

He would be there at least the weekend. This wasn't going to be quick, but she knew the guys would never have asked for his input on a case that didn't have some level of complexity, "How are the boys?"

"They're the same as they've always been. Being back at the precinct is like a trip to summer camp," Kate could hear lightheartedness in Castle's voice.

Kate jumped off the cliff whose edge she had been standing on since Lanie's call, "How is it working with the new detective?"

"Steele? She's a good fit for the team," Castle hadn't hesitated or indicated any reticence to talk about her; hadn't tried to hide she was a woman either. Kate began to think she was making something out of nothing.

"This case going to make it into a Richard Castle mystery?" Kate was determined to support him through her own misgivings.

She could hear a smile in his voice and see it in her mind, "It's shaping up that way,"

"Doesn't sound like there's much chance of you making it back to DC this weekend," Kate let the topic of Morgan Steele go; for now.

"Not this weekend. We're expecting Friday and Sunday to be big days for our guy that will hopefully move the investigation forward. We're kind of at a standstill at this point," Castle was filled with enthusiasm and Kate wanted to be happy for him; she owed him that.

"How about I come to you this weekend?" Kate hadn't been scheduled a weekend off in three weeks and it was finally her turn. After everything that had happened between them, she was hoping he would want to see her.

Again no hesitation, "Are you serious? Nothing would make me happier, Kate."

"Yeah, I'll make reservations after we get off the phone. I'll fly in late Friday night," she wanted both weekend nights with him; nights they could spend erasing tension, distance, fears…mistakes.

The silence between them comfortable for the first time in days, "Rick, I know I do things that don't always make sense to you, but please don't doubt that I love you or that I want to be married to you."

He was quiet on his end of the line, "I love you too. Let's talk this weekend; side by side where we can really resolve some things."

Kate's insides quivered a little thinking about what that conversation would entail, but whatever it was, it would be better than the distance they were living with now; both physically and emotionally.

Feeling that the conversation was drawing to a close, Kate told him something she had been keeping to herself, "I'm having a hell of a time sleeping without you next to me."

"Tell me about it. I woke up ten times last night checking to see if you'd come home," Castle's voice dropped to the low husky one she knew was only for her.

"I'll be home in two days," her voice held more than one promise.

Home; they had both referred to New York; the loft as their home. Had they misspoken or had the truth found them vulnerable to it in the same moment? Either way, they say home is where the heart is and on Friday, these two hearts would be in New York; together.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Castle's mood was lighter than it had been in weeks. It was a gorgeous day outside his New York window, Kate was coming to spend the weekend with him, and he had a murder to solve at the 12th. Filled with expectation; the excitement of opening doors and walking through to the other side; this was the life he was missing, the one that had brought him and Kate together.

"Hey, Dad," a sleepy voice called from behind him descending the stairs.

He seamlessly shifted mental gears, "Good morning, daughter."

The smile on her father's face; genuine, adoring, complete welcomed her, "I hoped I would catch you before you got going for the day."

Still in her pajamas, smelling of sleep and sporting wicked bed head, Alexis dissolved into her father's arms, "You caught me. What's up?"

Alexis disengaged from his hug sluggishly; struggling to shrug off the grasp of sleep, "Need coffee."

Castle walked toward the kitchen following her closely, "Do you know how proud that makes me?"

Alexis gave her father an odd look, "You're proud because I need coffee?"

"You had to get some of your more refined habits from me," Castle teased.

Alexis accepted it with a smile. "Costa Rica was great, but I really missed you. The trip made me realize it was a good decision for me to go to school close by," Alexis had her back to him.

"There a "but" in there somewhere?" Castle knew there was.

"How's DC?" Alexis had picked up another habit from her father; subterfuge through selective questioning.

Castle took a seat at the kitchen counter, "It's okay; taking some getting used to. DC is a very different city than New York."

"You and Kate?" the rest of the question implicit.

"I can't say it's been easy. Kate works long hours," Castle was honest, but purposely didn't go into any greater detail.

"Can I mark my calendar for the wedding yet?" Alexis was becoming more like her father every second.

Castle took a drink of his coffee; buying time; formulating a response; ultimately giving in to the truth, "No."

Alexis turned around; expressive eyes hiding nothing, "You okay with that?"

"When did you get so old?" Castle blurted in response.

"Old?" Alexis feigned offense.

Castle laughed, "Mature. That better?"

Another voice from the direction of the stairs, "I don't like that one either. Take it from me Alexis, when they start describing you as mature; they only look at you for the role of mother and grandmother."

Castle turned on his stool to greet Martha as she approached him and leaned in for a kiss, "I'm going to just leave that one alone."

Alexis leaned on the island counter top across from her father, "That's probably best."

"Did I hear wedding talk?" Martha knew she had and was ensuring Richard didn't get to avoid the question using her arrival in the room as an excuse.

Alexis was on her side, "Yes, you did."

Alexis stared at her father over the top of her coffee cup, "No, we have not set a date."

"Katherine's doing or yours?" Martha needed coffee too; though her fog was not sleep induced.

Castle figured Martha was looking for someone to throw under the wedding bus, "We haven't set a date, Mother. When we do, you two will be the third and fourth to know."

Identical dual eyebrow raises were exchanged between the women, "You on your way out?"

Grateful wedding talk had been abandoned, "Momentarily; waiting on my ride."

As if on cue from one of Martha's plays, there was a knock at the door. Simultaneously Castle's cell began to ring.

Castle's phone was face up on the counter; everyone saw who was calling. "I'll get that," Martha offered heading to the door.

Castle got up and walked toward the window to answer the call, "Kate, good morning."

"Hey, Castle," delighted she had caught him.

"I was just thinking about you," Castle's smile covered his whole face.

"I woke up thinking about you. I'm really looking forward to the weekend," she was almost purring; thoughts of him so potent she could almost smell and taste him.

"Me too, time alone with you is exactly what I need," Castle turned to see who Martha was speaking with; he had been expecting the boys; it was Morgan Steele.

Alexis and Martha were chatting amiably with the detective though Castle couldn't hear the conversation, "Did you get your flight?"

"Yeah, I'll text you the details," Kate informed him.

"I'll pick you up," Castle offered.

"Castle, the commuter flights and traffic on Friday night are a nightmare. Chances are I won't even be on time," Kate replied truly not wanting her late arrival to jam up his evening in an airport.

"I don't mind waiting or fighting traffic if you're at the end of it," Castle meant it; his actions proved it.

"You relax at the loft; you're going to need your strength," the subtext impossible to miss.

"At least let me send a car; cabs are going to be at a premium," Castle wished she would let him do more for her.

She hesitated, but only briefly, "That would be nice."

Laughter erupted behind him causing him to turn around again, "I'm sorry, but I've gotta go."

Kate really did as well, "I love you."

He took a couple of steps toward the women, "I love you too"

Steele noticed his advance and asked as the phone dropped away from his ear, "Castle, you coming?"

Kate heard the unfamiliar female voice in the background before the call disconnected. Morgan Steele was in the loft.

"Indeed, I am," Castle's eyes traced her instinctively; he caught himself and looked away.

"You didn't tell us about Beckett's replacement, darling," Martha eyed Richard directly when she made the comment.

"Yeah, Dad, you haven't mentioned Detective Steele at all," Alexis looked like she was ready to have some fun at her father's expense; shades of her grandmother.

"We only just met yesterday," was that Steele jumping to Castle's defense?

Castle tried to change the subject, "I thought the boys were swinging by this morning."

Steele met his eyes without a shred of reticence; comfortable, relaxed, confident even under the scrutinizing gaze of Martha, "It came up at The Haunt last night that you're actually on my way to the precinct."

Alexis and Martha's attention ping ponged between Castle and Steele as they talked; as they communicated, "I appreciate the ride. Mother, Alexis, I will see you later." Castle and Steele moved toward the door.

Martha and Alexis just stood there watching them, "Oh, Kate is coming in for the weekend. She'll be in tomorrow night."

Martha contemplated her son and his new companion as they retreated from the loft, "That's wonderful, darling. I'll make a note in my datebook." Castle failed to noticed or respond to Martha's sarcasm.

"Coffee and donuts on the way?" Steele suggested as they were making their exit.

"You read my mind," Castle's words were cut off by the closing of the door.

Once they were alone, the two women who knew Richard Castle best exchanged perceptive glances, "She seemed nice. Dad seems like he's having fun."

Martha was already headed for the stairs with her usual flourish, "I don't know kiddo, that one reminds me of my ex-husband."

Alexis laughed at her grandmother, "Wasn't he trouble?"

Halfway up the stairs Martha paused as if on stage ready to deliver an exit line she had been preparing for weeks, "The trouble with trouble, Alexis, is that it starts out as fun."


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N Blame NF for the delayed post – I was watching the live feeds from Nerd Herd instead of writing yesterday – totally worth it. This is a divided chapter as well – started out as 9 and is now 9 and 10. 10 still needs work, but should be up tomorrow. **_

_Like flame to fuel, she feels it, her two worlds fusing, converging, the two slowly seeping together, volatile, intense; threatening to leave only the embers of what once existed behind. (Follow on Twitter AT castleficlets)_

226 Miles

Chapter 9

Emily Gellar knew when she entered the room that all was not well in Agent Kate Beckett's world. She was sitting at her desk; cell phone in hand; staring; the look on her face; a puzzle of disturbed pieces. Kate tried jamming what she thought she knew together giving her only an outline; the edges of an idea; leaving the middle of the image undefined.

Morgan Steele had been at the loft; Kate knew there was a reasonable explanation, but that didn't stop the unreasonable ones from coming after her. Looking up she caught Emily watching her out of the corner of her eye; she tried to look busy, dropping her phone on the desk and reaching for the nearest file.

"What happened?" Emily appeared at Kate's side; the look on her face a mixture of concern and something else; something less sympathetic.

Kate's answer was measured in return, having gotten a little better at reading Gellar, "Called Castle this morning and Morgan Steele was there."

Emily glanced at her watch; telegraphing thoughts that were aligned with Kate's, "That make you uncomfortable?"

Exasperation edging into her voice, "Uncomfortable?"

Emily's expression held, "Pissed off?"

Beckett turned on herself, "I'm being ridiculous."

"Probably," Emily responded, "but I think you might be seeking something more absolute than what you're going to get out of a probably."

Kate's gaze hung just this side of a glare; words from her past welling up; thrashing up against her better judgment; you don't know me, but she offered instead, "Events aren't evidence, Emily."

"Maybe so, but the past is prologue," Emily had never taken direct aim at Castle before; Kate didn't like it, he was none of her business.

Kate knew Gellar; she wanted a response; she wasn't going to get one. What she did get was Kate walking away, coffee mug in hand, with an obvious determination to trust a situation that was out of her control; one she couldn't prove either way. Gellar wished her lucked with that.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Steele and Castle exiting the elevator together drew attention. Eyes from across the bull pen, down hallways, from within offices; none lingering long, but each taking notice. The new arrivals; engaged in easy conversation, were completely unaware they were the focus of such wide spread and rapt interest.

"My manager says you guys had a good time last night," Castle engaged the boys as soon as he was by their desk; dropping off and opening a donut box that was still warm to the touch.

Javi went for the donuts leaving Kevin to answer, "Yeah, we had a really good time. Got a chance to get to know Steele a little better."

Javi filled one cheek full of donut so he could talk, "You need to join us next time, bro."

Castle smiled at the three of them; indulging himself with thoughts of being included versus excluded, "Maybe I will."

Steele's text alert sounded as the guys continued to talk about last night, "Hey, Dr. Parish has something for us."

The whole team had been feeling like they were sitting on their hands for the last couple of days; this was good news, "You two finish pulling the missing person cases that might be a match for our vic; Castle and I will see what the doc has."

Things were increasingly becoming more like old times the deeper the team was drawn into the case. Javi and Espo had an assignment and Castle and Steele fell effortlessly into partnership for theirs.

Kevin's awareness had been piqued by various déjà vu moments that began the minute Steele and Castle met in the morgue. Moments that left him feeling like it does when a long running television show replaces a lead character with a new actor without addressing the change for the audience. Everything appears alright on the surface, but viewers are left to wrestle with a serious WTF moment.

The boys exchanged brief eye contact; nothing lost in translation, "Conference room?"

"Yeah, set us up in there. Someone has to be missing our girl by now. Let's focus first on those who have been missing more than nine days, but less than two weeks," Steele and Castle headed toward the elevator together.

"What are you thinking?" Castle was curious how Steele had narrowed the time frame for the missing person search.

She looked into his eyes, "Just a feeling. You ever just have a gut feeling about something; no real evidence to back it up?"

Castle chuckled and smiled at her, "You know, I do. I really do."

Javi's interest shifted to the task at hand; trying to identify Humpty Dumpty while Kevin watched Castle and Steele leave the floor, "Hey, what do you think about that?"

Javi stared directly at him before he let his eyes drift to Castle and Steele who were waiting for the elevator, "Castle is engaged to Beckett."

Kevin began gathering things they would need in the conference room, "Yeah, but Beckett didn't show for the book release party, she's working all the time, and Castle sure was quick to jump on this case."

"You saying he didn't want to go back to DC?" Javi's voice took on a tone Kevin recognized; one that had left the two friends at odds more than once.

"No, just not in much of a hurry to get back; like maybe he's not happy there," Kevin had his own theories about Beckett, DC and Castle.

"Look bro, Castle and Beckett are getting married; end of story," Javi watched the writer and detective step into the elevator. They were engaged in animated conversation, obviously comfortable with one another, connected; Javi's demeanor shifted subtly, "Steele is his type."

"Yeah, new type not the old type," Kevin added absently.

Javi looked at him strangely having no idea what he was talking about, "What?"

"If it was Castle's old type, Steele would be an air headed bimbo with a job that required a uniform and a name tag," Kevin explained.

Javi nodded in agreement, "She's no bimbo."

"That's my point," Kevin reinforced.

Javi scowled at him unable to argue with his logic so he just said, "Shut up, bro."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"What do we have, Dr. Parish?" Steele pushed open the morgue door with purpose.

Lanie looked up to see Steele and Castle walking up to her examination table, "It's Lanie, detective. Formality doesn't go very far down here since most of my company doesn't talk back."

One of Castle's eyebrows rose slightly; Lanie caught it and shot him a look that kept any thoughts he was having from becoming words, "Thank you, Lanie. Same here; it's Morgan or Steele."

Lanie nodded accepting the more relaxed boundaries between the two women; then she was all business, "I managed to narrow down the type of saw and the size of the blade that was most likely used to dismember the body."

Castle and Steele both looked hopeful, "It appears that your guy is using a circular saw and a blade with 1.4 teeth per inch and is capable of making cuts that are six to seven inches in diameter."

"Sounds like a common home improvement saw," Castle's observation was spot on.

"Afraid so, Castle. The things are easy to use, move and hide. Your boy is smart," Lanie made her own observation.

"How does his choice of saw make him smart?" Castle knew better than to interrupt Lanie, but he just kept doing it.

Openly glaring at Castle, Lanie directed her comments to Steele, "Here's what makes our guy smart, he wrapped the body in plastic before he started cutting."

"Why would he do that?" Steele asked Lanie.

Castle blurted unable to stop himself; classic attention seeking behavior, "To minimize the mess."

Lanie ignored him, "Wrapping the body in plastic would reduce the likelihood that he would leave anything useful on the body forensically."

"Anything special about the plastic?" Steele really needed something; a break of any kind.

"So glad you asked," Lanie continued to stare Castle down; keeping him quiet. "The particulates in the neck wound were large enough to lead me to a type of plastic that's used in industrial shrink wrap. It's primary used for sealing large objects."

"Like boats and cars," Steele was clarifying for her own understanding.

"Absolutely, and even the outside of multistory buildings; it keeps out inclement weather and even mitigates crosswinds in taller ones," Lanie and Steele had left Castle on the sidelines and he wasn't happy.

"Please tell me you can't buy this stuff just anywhere," Steele moved around to stand next to Lanie.

"Shrinkable plastic in general, yes, but not this stuff. I ran it through the mass spec and it is really high end; it has a thickness of 12mil, it's got UV protection, cold crack resistance, high cord strength and it's flame retardant," Lanie was hoping these findings were unique enough to help the team narrow their search parameters.

"Meaning?" Steele continued to ask questions.

Castle wanted back in, "It's expensive and probably limited to a few manufacturers and retailers."

Lanie seemed willing to allow it, "He's right."

Castle stood across the table from the two women, "Any idea what he used for his heat source?"

Lanie gave Castle credit for the question, "I think he used a heavy duty heat gun. The plastic I managed to recover has an even burn pattern to the edges indicating he was able to maintain a consistent temperature. You would never get that with a propane torch."

Steele looked at Castle, "Finally, a lead we can work with."

Lanie was sincere, "I'm glad I found something you think might be helpful."

"You did, Lanie, thank you." Steele was already at the door anxious to exit the morgue and follow up on the new leads.

"Castle," Lanie called to him before he was through it himself, "How's our girl?"

Castle smiled broadly at the thought of her, "She's coming in for the weekend."

Lanie's lips turned up slightly at the news and at Castle's obvious excitement about it. When he made another move to leave she called to him, "And how are you?"

As expected his first response was sheer deflection, "I'm great! Didn't you see the spread on Page 6 about the book release?"

An eye roll preceded her next statement, "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

His smile was wry; anyone else would have blown it off as Castle just being quirky, "We're working through it, Lanie. Beckett is Beckett; work comes first; it's what I signed up for."

Castle could tell by Lanie's face that his answer hadn't satisfied her. He finally caved; eyes foreshadowing words, "I had hoped that giving Kate everything she wanted; the job; more from our relationship; proof that I was all in would make things…"

Lanie walked over to him, taking off her gloves and dropping them in the trash, "Make things what?"

The understanding Castle heard in Lanie's voice and saw in her face almost made it impossible for him to finish, "I had thought it would make things less…less complicated."

Lanie reached out and touched his shoulder, "We're dealing with Kate Beckett; the very definition of complicated."

There was no fight in him about that one, "I didn't want her to have to choose."

"I know; she knows it too," Lanie could feel pure emotion shedding off of him.

Castle's expression was troubled, "I still don't."

Lanie reached out and grabbed Castle, pulling him into an embrace, surprising both of them, "You deserve to have what you want too. Don't forget that."

Castle pulled out of Lanie's hug; surprised, but reassured by her words, "I want Kate. I'm just not so sure she feels the same way about me anymore and I can't do this all by myself."

Castle stepped away from Lanie, turning back to her just before he reached the door, "You're a good friend, Lanie. Kate's lucky to have you."

Lanie intentionally found his eyes and held them before he could leave, "Hey, Castle."

He stopped in the doorway; half way in and half way out, "I'm not just Kate's friend."

Castle gave Lanie a look of sheer appreciation, but the man of words left it at that; for in that moment, it was all he had.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When Kate had come back with her coffee, Emily had disappeared. It was just as well; Kate was still angry. It was one thing to come at her personally, but quite another to go after Castle. She had met the man one time and was making generalizations regarding his character; speculating on his future actions based on who he was before they got together.

Truthfully, Kate was having a hard time figuring Emily out. One minute she played the role of valued mentor and friend and the next she seemed to have flipped a switch; suddenly the devil's advocate; pushing Kate into various corners; daring her to find a way out.

As if her day hadn't been disconcerting enough, Agent Dagget was heading her way; striding; arrogant attitude arriving before the rest of him, "Beckett, Gellar wanted me to let you know there's a team briefing in the large conference room in five minutes."

Kate eyed the agent carefully; certain she didn't like him; even more sure she still didn't trust him, "Thanks for the tip." Her answer was concise; she'd been hoping he would just go away.

It didn't take long for the rest of his agenda to surface, "Hey, listen. I think we got off on the wrong foot."

Beckett didn't respond; she searched him looking for signs of deception, "I was out of line the other night at the cocktail party."

"It's not me you owe an apology," Kate wasn't seeing any blatant dishonesty, but her smarmy snake meter was raging.

An almost imperceptible shift crossed Dagget's face, "I heard Castle was back working at the 12th."

Kate was trying to stop reacting to how easily information was accessed and traded in this place, "They asked him to consult on a case."

"I'm friends with the new detective there," he offered watching her carefully.

Kate knew she had failed to keep the emotion his statement elicited from crossing her face, "Is that so?"

Dagget smiled; he had picked something up from her, "Morgan Steele; she was at MPD up until about a month ago."

Kate wanted to know more; she threw out some bait to chum the water, "That was a big move to make for a job that didn't bring a promotion with it."

Something clouded the agent's eyes; something real that lacked calculated premeditation, "She needed a fresh start."

"What happened?" Kate was already in deep and saw no reason to back out now.

"A bad day; a really fucking bad day," he had lowered his voice, but his intensity radiated through Kate.

Emily appeared in the doorway, her eyes resting on the two of them, "Let's go everyone; conference room."

Dagget and Beckett locked on Gellar; their tenuous connection severed; the moment gone, unlikely to be resuscitated, "This thing could run the rest of the day, Beckett. Might want to grab your coffee."

Kate followed the agent toward the conference room. He certainly had seemed sincere once the conversation shifted to Morgan Steele; emotion welling from him Kate didn't think Dagget was capable of fabricating on cue. What kind of bad day could have led a detective with over ten years experience to up and leave her precinct; the city; her life?

Entering the meeting room, Kate scanned the available seating deciding to sit between two of the tech specialists. Emily had a seat open beside her and Kate met her eyes directly after choosing any option but that one. Just like before, Kate was certain there was something there; questions; concerns; and assessments.

Emily smiled and began the meeting, "This is a debrief of our last operation. We have a special guest joining us today who played an integral role in identifying and gathering the evidence necessary to remove a serious threat to our nation's security."

Kate's muscles tensed; hands balled into tight fists; fingernails digging into her palms providing an alternate focal point for her attention, "Agents, please welcome one of our benefactors and staunchest supporters Senator William Bracken."


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N – Here you go my fanfic friends. This chapter was a beast to write and so crucial to the rest of the story. Hope I did it justice. And YES... Kate will make it to New York.. but that's all I'm sayin'...party on!**_

_**YODA and PK – your feedback and suggestions are invaluable and so much appreciated. **_

_**Follow me on twitter at KJf3333 for chapter progress and updates, sneak peak quotes and great conversations about Castle with really awesome people. **_

226 Miles

Chapter 10

Steele and Castle found Ryan and Espo in the conference room pouring over missing person reports. Castle stopped at the murder board to add the new information about the saw and the unique qualities of the plastic sheeting while Steele continued into the room, sat down and filled the boys in on what they now knew, "This plastic sheeting could be a big break for us. Why don't you two see what you can dig up about possible points of sale in the area, where this stuff is manufactured and who buys it?"

"Got it," Kevin responded rising from his seat; grateful to finally have something useful to do.

Ryan and Esposito were headed out as Castle entered the room, "Leaving so soon?" Castle eyed the stack of reports that still needed to be reviewed.

"Going on a plastic sheeting scavenger hunt," Javi gave Castle a half smirk knowing what he was thinking.

Kevin stopped in the doorway, "See what I have to put up with, Steele?"

Javi shoved Kevin in the back hard enough to get him through the door. Steele smiled after them, "Those two are something else."

Steele's smile elicited a grin from Castle as he reached for the next file in the stack, "They're good guys; saved my life more than once."

The room went silent; Castle sank into the report. Moments later; he was distracted by emotion that wasn't his, his attention was attracted to Steele.

The brunt of the memory was staggering, gushing from the deepest regions of her mind. The violence of the concussion had knocked her back and from her feet; stunned her; momentarily delaying a response. Screams had roused her from the suspended state; propelling her toward the hellish scene; managing to seize hold of one, but not the other.

When Castle's eyes finally trapped hers, Steele's face had become a haze of what he could only describe as despair, "Morgan, are you okay?" He reached for her hand. It was resting on the table; balled into a fist; clenched and frozen.

Forcing herself free of the catastrophic memory that had abducted her consciousness, Steele's despondency over whatever had taken her in that moment was almost corporeal, "No, not yet anyway."

Castle could sense that Steele's story was at the surface; it was tragic; had changed her; was still changing her, "Stories are kind of my thing; if you ever want to talk about it." He reigned in his impulse to push for more; a hard learned lesson.

Steele relaxed as she gained some distance from this most recent encounter with the turn of events that had led her to New York; the 12th; to be sitting across from Richard Castle. The look on her face, his answer; she was clearly not ready.

Steele had been unaware of Castle's hand covering hers until that moment. She relaxed her fist; he gripped her fingers.

In a moment of maturity, surprising even himself, Castle decided to do something that he didn't normally do; leave whatever this was alone, "When you're ready; I'm can be pretty good listener."

Steele's response was to slide her hand free from his; a weak smile of gratitude, "Thanks Castle, but my story isn't ending up in one of your books."

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Dagget had been right; the meeting had gone on the rest of the day. In fact, lunch had been brought in so everything on the agenda would get covered. Luckily for Beckett, Senator Bracken had only stayed a short time; after having spun his propaganda regarding the operation, his continued presence served no real value or purpose. Kate counted the interaction as a win; she had managed to avoid both eye contact and having to engage in any conversation with him; polite or otherwise.

Bracken was a known entity to Kate and a malevolent one. Confirmation of his involvement came as no surprise. She was dealing with a man who didn't operate within the confines of any legal or moral code. She knew that Bracken found boundaries troublesome; provisional; open to being moved or eradicated all together. Inexorable proof of that had been left in an alley; years before; creating a repugnant bond that would remain until one of them was dead.

It was well after six when the group broke up for the night and Gellar addressed Kate directly, "Beckett, would you stay behind for a moment?"

Kate nodded at Emily; remaining in her seat until they were alone, "What's up?"

Emily's countenance was rigid; eyes difficult to read, but not because she was purposefully being misleading. She pulled a manila folder from the bottom of the stack of files she had been working from all day, "Before I give you this, I want you to really think about it; what it will mean if you take it."

Kate's eyes cut to the name at the top of the folder; Detective Morgan Steele. Her eyes flickered back to Emily, "Information is power, right?"

"And with power comes responsibility. This wasn't easy to get. You understand that I shouldn't have this; neither should you," Emily had cashed in a marker she had been holding on to for a long time to get this file.

Kate didn't think Emily was fishing for gratitude, but was trying to make a point, "Once you take this, you're not the same person you were when you arrived for work this morning. I've read your file Kate, researched you; profiled you. In the past, you've gone off the reservation for others; but this, this is about you; it's for you."

Kate's attention was equally divided between the file on the table and Emily's warning, "So my motives are a concern here?"

"Motives are always a concern here," Emily was talking about the AG's office.

Kate reached for the file; Emily's hand dropped flat on top of it before she could pick it up, "If you take this file, there's no going back. You can't undo it; you'll know things that you wouldn't have learned any other way and that knowledge will play a definitive role in what you do next. Be sure that it's what you really want; and believe me when I tell you, this route will cost you; it always does." Emily removed her hand from the file; releasing it to Kate's discretion.

Kate filtered through what she had seen and heard from Gellar in the past few minutes finding no ambiguity between words and expression. Kate's hesitation was obvious, but brief. The file disappeared into her notebook; the decision made, another line crossed. Kate thought she saw a look of triumph flash through Emily's gaze, but it was gone so quickly, she couldn't be sure. Kate turned toward the door, looking back with her hand on the knob, "Thank you for this."

Emily was packing the rest of her files into a briefcase, but stopped to answer her, "Don't thank me; not so sure I am doing you any favors by giving it to you." Emily locked the briefcase, "You didn't get that file from me."

Kate nodded, "Understood."

As Emily watched Kate leaving the room, she had a sudden and momentary impulse to try and protect Kate from herself with one last piece of advice, "Kate, there's a saying; let the devil catch you but by a single hair, and you are his forever."

Kate turned back to face her; paused; locking gazes; her intensity instantly spanning the distance between the two women. Having grown weary of Emily's blatant attempts to use intellect to manipulate, Kate fired back with resolve, "Here's a quote for you, Emily. The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they already are."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Kate's arrival at the townhouse was eerily similar to the one the night before. The house was dark except for the entry way lamp; dark; silent and empty. Dropping her things in the hallway at the base of the stairs and heading for the kitchen, she thought about Castle and the six weeks' worth of nights that he had lived this experience; the end of a long day; a great big empty house; waiting for someone; someone who wasn't coming home anytime soon by choice.

As Kate poured a glass of wine, she thought about the file that was in her bag; a file she shouldn't have; a file that Emily assured her was a Pandora's Box. She had to admit that some of what Emily had warned made sense. There was no way to "unknow" something; and knowing would certainly have an impact on her actions and decisions going forward particularly where they related to Castle. On the contrary, knowledge was power and Kate was finding out quickly that power with all of its sharp edges went hand in hand with doing more.

Kate grabbed her glass, the bottle and when she passed by it in the hallway, her bag. She chose the den which was off to the left side of the stairs for its overstuffed furniture, soothing earthy color scheme, and large open patch of carpet between the coffee table and the fireplace.

To make even more space, Kate shoved the table up against the couch, placed the wine glass and bottle on its end and settled on the floor next to her bag. The wine hit her fast; one glass down already; she refilled it aching for the relaxation it would bring. She had eaten only a small portion of the catered lunch provided during the day's meeting; she had been unable to stomach more following Bracken's self aggrandizing rhetoric and there was nothing about food that appealed to her now.

The file felt heavy in her hand, and it wasn't because it was particularly thick for a seasoned detective on a police force for over ten years. It was the memory it invoked of past situations where a file Kate wasn't supposed to have proved useful; relevant and necessary. Kate stared at the front of the folder; hesitated, took another drink of her wine letting her eyes rest on a photo of her and Castle that sat on an end table directly in her sight line. It was an impulse shot Castle had taken with his phone in Central Park that had turned out beautifully; her head resting on his shoulder; his arm around her waist, her body turned and pressed into his; smiling into the camera; two people incontestably in love. She remembered when it had been taken. It was during her suspension from the precinct; one of those first intense days after their relationship had become intimate and they had actually made it out of bed. She remembered kissing him deeply; catching him off guard; he had almost dropped his phone in the fountain that was visible in the background of the picture. A pulse of emotion tightened her throat and chest; she couldn't figure out how they had gotten from that day to this one.

Kate smiled at the memory in the same moment she folded back the cover of the file. Paper clipped inside the front cover was an 8X10 of Detective Morgan Steele in her blues. Even in uniform, you could tell she was beautiful; blonde hair, blue eyes; symmetrical feminine features. Confirmation that Steele was exactly Castle's type didn't faze Kate; Lanie's concerned call had all but prepared her for that.

The file was organized chronologically from 1992 to the present. Kate read each page of information and then laid it out in front of her on the carpet as if she were organizing information on a murder board. Morgan Steele was a legacy at the MPD. Her father and grandfather had been cops on the same force and had even served eight years concurrently in the same district. She had one brother who was presently a patrol Sergeant in the second district. Steele had multiple commendations and a couple of reprimands for minor procedural infractions. She had received one suspension; the reason given was insubordination and nothing more.

When Kate finally reached the part of the file that would detail Steel's final six months in DC, she took a moment to look over everything she had learned. Morgan Steele had a solid career behind her. She had started just like everyone else on patrol though her ascension through the ranks had been rapid. Steele had spent some time experimenting with vice, robbery and narcotics before landing in homicide where she had remained until a little over a month ago when she abruptly relocated to New York and took the job at the 12th.

From what Kate could tell the precipitating event had actually occurred five months before the move to New York. Dagget hadn't been kidding when he said that Steele had endured a bad fucking day. The report was esoteric in that a clear account of the events was given without going into extensive explanation, but Kate found out more than enough for her concern for Castle to billow beyond the strictly personal ones she had been battling since Lanie's call.

Six months before Detectives Steele, London, Vasquez and Spencer where looking to question a confidential informant they had worked with previously who was known to be an associate of a triple murder suspect they were having trouble locating. Their suspect had used a gas furnace to try and make a hit over a meth deal gone bad look like an accident. The only problem was that he had gotten drunk the same night and run his mouth all over town about what he had done. The CI who was known on the street as Izzy was located after some digging into and rousting of some of his friends. The team was able to track him to a house that had been in foreclosure for several months and had long been abandoned by its ousted owners. After obtaining a warrant, the team had done some recon on the house. As far as they could tell, Izzy was alone there and the two entrances; one in the front and one in the back; offered the only way in or out since the windows were covered with bars. The idea had been for Steele and her partner of four years Jack Spencer to go in the front door while partners Lina Vasquez and Trevor London took the back. They hadn't been expecting trouble; Izzy had never been violent, a little stubborn, but never violent.

The reports went on to detail the events that followed. The plan had been to knock on the front door, give Izzy a chance to come out and then go in and get him. That was exactly how they had extracted him on two previous occasions. That was not how it went this time since as it turned out it wasn't Izzy in the house at all; it was their triple murder suspect.

Jack Spencer had been the senior detective on the warrant and was in charge. For reasons never explained in any report that Kate could find in the file, Spencer changed Steele and Vasquez's assignments. Minutes before they planned to make entry, Spencer ordered Steele to the back of the house to breech with London and Vasquez teamed up with him to take the front. Everything went according to plan until Spencer kicked in the front door.

The explosion was described as enormous by witnesses; some said the foundation to their own home shook with its force. Others spoke of searing red and blue flames that mushroomed out the front door igniting the remnants of the roof that had collapsed on the front porch like kindling for a campfire. Everyone agreed the officers never had a chance.

The after incident reports filled out by Steele and London detailed their actions following the explosion. London who had only been with the detective team four months had followed Steele to the front of the house where the devastation he found froze him in place. He outlined in his own report that he had been unable to assist his fellow officers due to the intensity of the blaze. His description of how Steele had run into the fire kicking burning debris free from Detective Vasquez and how those actions had enabled her to pull the injured officer from the inferno was the most detailed account in any of the reports. Steele's report never mentioned London after his arrival with her at the front of the house following the explosion.

Kate stared a long time at the picture of Steele's boots. They had apparently melted to her feet causing extensive second degree burns. Vasquez had lived two weeks with third degree burns over 70% of her body before succumbing to infection; Spencer was dead at the scene. Trevor London transferred out of homicide three weeks later.

"Fuck!" Kate jerked herself to her feet. As horrific as the incident was, she found herself more concerned about Castle, Javi and Kevin. The events of what happened that day were here; but the story was not. There was something unspoken; obscured; flat out missing. She knew it for a fact; she had lived it; she had done it. There were incident reports just like these back in New York; ones she had played a pivotal role in fabricating. Though the majority of her dead captain's file was true and a testament to the kind of cop he became, there were actions and events whose omission skewed his story. Montgomery's mistake that killed an agent; the role he had played in kidnappings and extortion; the team's discovery that he had been the third man; the showdown in the hangar; every bit of it true, all of it buried with him at her behest. Kate' decision to bind her team together with lies of omission preserved her captain's legacy, but it had distorted the story; leaving the truth to be found in pieces and reassembled by only those who dared to look closely enough to see beyond the camouflage. It had taught her that when you knew what to look for, camouflage wasn't hard to spot or see through.

That experience is what made the omissions from Steele's file so glaring and obvious leaving Kate with questions that were not going to be answered; at least not here. Though she had the mandatory release from a departmental shrink to return to duty, was Steele really ready to be leading a new team after losing half of her old one only six months before? If she was handling everything well, why did she return to work sixty days after the incident only to quit and take a job in New York three months later? Kate knew why; Morgan Steele was running; running from a past that would follow her wherever she decided to try and hide. It would follow her and take her over when she least expected it; when it was most dangerous; when it could get someone else killed; when it could get Castle killed.

Kate stared for the next hour at her matrix of information. The more she thought about it; the more certain she became. Emily had been right and Kate was loathed to admit it; this had been a mistake. What if the situation was reversed and Morgan Steele was cross legged on the floor of her New York apartment digging through Kate's professional life judging her actions and her fitness to do her job? What if that file actually included everything; what happened with Montgomery, the efforts to track and punish her mother's killer, her interactions with Bracken? Detective Kate Beckett could not be uncovered through a file and she was forced to admit, neither could Detective Morgan Steele.

Kate suddenly began tearing at the timeline that had been constructed from confidential information that should never have fallen into Kate's hands in the first place. She was angry; furious really. She had allowed herself to be seduced by how easy it had been to do the wrong thing by telling herself it had been for the right reasons; an argument that was obviously not foreign to her. She had felt threatened; insecure; afraid and instead of just telling Castle how she felt, she had resorted to this and the only way she could see to make it right was to tell him what she had done.

Kate jammed the file back into her bag. She was returning it to Emily first thing in the morning; not even wanting it in the house. Kate grabbed her cell and trudged toward the stairs. She stopped briefly looking up at them; they seemed steeper than any night before. As she climbed them, her mood continued to disintegrate. Even the thought of the New York trip had been tarnished by her actions. She would have to tell Castle tonight and hope he would understand and forgive her. As she reached the landing at the top of the third floor her thumb hovered over the call button. Kate knew telling him was the right thing to do, but it most certainly wasn't going to be the easiest.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

It's settling deep into her bones, weakening the solid foundation of her belief in them. Her confidence, security, like steel that was forged through fire, solid and unbreakable, becoming brittle and weak when exposed to the cold.

(Follow at castleficlets)

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Quote References:

"Let the devil catch you but by a single hair, and you are his forever."

Ephraim Gotthold

"The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they are."  
― Karl Kraus – Austrian Writer


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N – Chapter 11 was originally part of chapter 10 – I had wanted Kate and Castle to find out elements of Steele's story in parallel within that same chapter, but I ended up needing to divide it for my sanity. So the beginning of Chapter 11 is happening during the same time frame Kate was researching Morgan in Chapter 10.**_

_**IMPORTANT NOTE: I am a Caskett shipper - a big one! so be calm - and enjoy... : o ) ******__If you don't like Caskett angst, this is not the story for you. Happy Reading._

_**PK and YODA – forever in your debt - : - ) Don't have the words to let you know how much you are appreciated. **_

_**Twitter friends: too many great ones to name them all - you know who you are! Thank you for bringing such a positive light into my world. Counting my blessings for each of you. **_

_**Follow me on Twitter at KJF3333 – so many great Castle fans make for fun and interesting conversations. I tend to post when chapter updates are coming, hints, sneak peaks, and links to new chapters. **_

226 Miles

Chapter 11

Steele and Castle's afternoon had been unsuccessful. Their victim was not in the files they had spent the entire afternoon combing through, but tomorrow was a new day and would bring a new body part if their killer kept to script. As creepy as it sounded when you said it out loud, they needed the victim's head to have any hope of identifying her.

Castle left the precinct tired and sore from sitting, but breathing deeply of the evening air invigorated him allowing the awareness that he was intensely hungry to break through. Not in the mood to cook for one; he decided to grab take-out from Remy's. A greasy burger and fries and a good zombie apocalypse sounded like a hell of a plan.

Remy's was busy, but not terribly so. Castle pushed his way through to the counter so that he could place a to-go order. A regular, he knew exactly what he wanted so it didn't take long to order his food and a chocolate shake to enjoy while he waited. He was thinking how good it would be to get home and call Kate; to hear her voice, ready himself for sleep with her being the last thing on his mind.

Castle turned away from the counter taking in the Thursday evening crowd. Remy's could always be counted on to provide an interesting character study or two. Staring without appearing to be was a gift, a skill that Castle had honed over the years. He had been a people watcher since he was a kid tagging along with his mother to auditions and rehearsals. There had been little else to do but watch the personalities around him and there had been plenty.

Castle was scanning the crowd when he stumbled across a familiar face; a face he had just left at the precinct. Steele had been focused on her phone when he first saw her, but then she looked up as though she could feel him watching her; they exchanged smiles in greeting.

Castle let the girl who took his order know where he would be; grabbed his shake and walked over to where the detective sat alone; a vanilla shake the only thing she had on the table.

"Fancy meeting you here, Detective Steele," Castle smiled at her, took a big slurp of his ice cream drink licking off the obligatory dairy mustache. He signaled toward the open side of the booth asking for permission to join her.

Steele welcomed him with a nod, "I heard these are the best burgers around." Castle's expression questioned who she had heard that from, "The boys; they said the grease here can't be beat."

Castle and Steele laughed; the tension of the day seeping out as the chocolate and vanilla went in, "They speak the truth."

Castle watched the waitress arrive with Steele's food on a tray and Castle's in a neatly packed to-go bag. Steele immediately began dressing her cheeseburger just the way she liked it; mayo, lettuce, and tomato.

Castle started to rise, "You're welcome to join me. By the time you get home, your burger and fries are going to be cold."

Castle considered Steele's offer and her argument; finding them cogent he signaled the waitress for a plate, tore into his bag, and settled in. There wasn't much conversation during the first few minutes; both were hungrier than they had realized. After an initial few bites, they slowed and conversation began to flow.

Steele eyed Castle, "You tried to nose your way into my personal life this afternoon; trying to get my story. It's your turn."

"Fair enough; what do you want to know? My life is kind of out there for anyone who's interested," Castle wasn't dodging her question, just trying to narrow the focus so he didn't end up rambling.

Steele laughed softly, "I guess that's true."

Castle had a feeling this was going to get interesting fast, "Ask me anything you want."

Morgan gave her question some serious thought once he threw down the anything gauntlet, "How did a lifetime New Yorker end up in Washington D.C.?"

Inquisitive without being intrusive; well played, Castle thought, "Beckett was offered the AG opportunity and we found ourselves at a crossroads."

Steele glanced away from Castle letting her eyes rest anywhere but on his, "I think we can all relate to that one."

Castle didn't miss the emotional dodge and decided to use it to refocus the conversation on Steele, "Crossroads bring you to New York?"

Steele laughed at him; eyes returning her back to the conversation, "Nice try, Castle."

Steele was staring at him eating a French fry; relaxed in her amusement; waiting for the rest of his answer, "It was a situation where we both wanted more and that more ended up being a new job for her, an engagement and a move to DC."

Castle watched Steele consider her response, "That's a lot of change."

Castle's expression belied underlying conflict; it wasn't what Morgan had expected, "Change is good, right?" This time Castle looked around the restaurant to give himself an emotional reprieve.

Steele eyed him curiously; something was off, "Can be; if all parties benefit from it."

Castle hid behind his default smile, "I'm not sure that I would call our relationship as it currently functions mutually beneficial."

The frankness of his answer caught Steele off guard; surprising her, "What would you call it?"

Castle leaned back into the booth, forcing his shoulders to drop in relaxation as he stared back at Morgan, "A lesson in acceptance."

Steele's eyebrows rose, "I take it you are not talking about Kate."

Castle's eyes never wavered from Steele's, "No, this is all me. I made a choice; maybe you would even call it a deal and now I need to suck it up and live with it."

Steele's reaction communicated an understanding beyond what Castle expected, "Would you think I was crazy if I told you I know exactly what you mean?"

Watching her carefully, Castle responded, "Maybe a little."

Steele seemed to make a decision about something; about him, then started talking, "Six months ago my team went out on a routine collar of a CI."

Castle leaned forward; resting his arms and elbows on the table, "Things went sideways." Steele's jaw hardened into a line as she continued, "Four of us went out that day; only two of us made it back."

"I'm sorry, Morgan," he knew the words served no real function, but he had no idea what else he could say.

Her eyes darkened; grew haunted, "Lina Vasquez was my best friend."

"Morgan, you don't have to…," Castle didn't want her to keep going just for his benefit.

She smiled weakly at him releasing Castle from responsibility, "We met our first day on patrol. It was odd really; we had nothing in common except the job, but that was all it took for us. One conversation and it was like we had known each other all of our lives."

A flurry of questions jammed their way into Castle's mind; he tried desperately to take care choosing the ones to let free, "Was Lina your partner?"

A weak forced smile prefaced her words, "No, but we worked together as a team of four."

Castle decided to wait and let Steele make the next move, "The CI we were looking for wasn't there, but the guy we were hoping to use him to find was."

"So, when you went in he surprised your team?" Castle was trying to put together the pieces Morgan was willing to give him.

"The guy liked fire and blowing things up," Steele's anguish was so close to the surface that anyone who bothered to look their way would have seen it.

"You said two people didn't come back," Castle's question was one he couldn't repress.

"Jack Spencer, my partner was killed in the explosion. Lina survived, but was badly burned," Steele paused as if struggling with something almost physical. "She…uh… she died two weeks later."

"Fuck," Castle's hands went to his face; providing some cover for the visceral reaction he was having to her story.

Steele had dragged part of that day to the surface for the first time since she was released by the departmental shrink in DC months before. There was something about Castle that had made it possible; allowed her to feel safe enough to visit the place where she kept that day locked away behind mental barriers. Barriers that allowed her to function day to day like a normal person, a person who hadn't had her life literally blown apart in a fraction of a second.

Castle didn't know what to say and Morgan had nothing else; his phone saved them both. "It's Kate," he felt torn wanting to talk to Kate, but not wanting to abandon Steele to the emotions that had surfaced and taken her over during their conversation.

"Take it, I'm good," Steele assured him.

Castle flashed Steele a grateful smile, slid his finger over the screen stepping away from the table a few feet leaving him by the front door.

Steele appeared to watch him go, but what she was seeing had nothing to do with Castle. She was back in Lina's hospital room; just like she was every night in her dreams. It was late; Steele had always visited late after she got out of the hospital herself after only a few days of recovery from her own burns. Despite the heroic efforts of every specialist that DC had to offer, Lina's burns had led to massive infection; to sepsis; to the realization that it was only a matter of time.

The visits were agonizing for both of them. Lina's suffering had reached levels of brutality that left Morgan irreparably damaged by its ceaseless battering. Though she had a PCA pump which allowed Lina to self administer measured doses of morphine by pushing a button she kept clutched in her hand, it never really seemed to ease the agony; never stopped the writhing. Loss of consciousness seemed to be the only avenue to even a momentary respite from the pain. Steele didn't think that Lina had actually slept since the explosion; that unconsciousness would simply take her when her psyche neared the fracture point.

As for Steele, her pain emanated from the inside out. Instinct had driven her to pull her friend from the flaming inferno of that front porch; an instinct that had betrayed her. Five seconds; the doctors said that five seconds more and Lina wouldn't have survived at all; wouldn't be trapped in an existence centered on the clicking of a button every fifteen minutes looking for escape from a catastrophic reality that was worse than any nightmare. Wouldn't be suffering through each moment Steele's actions had garnered for a life that was actually over the moment Jack Spencer kicked in that door.

Morgan had been coming to Lina's room for ten straight nights. Each went exactly the same way with Lina imploring Steele to help her and Steele racked with guilt because she couldn't. Every visit her pleas had grown more heart wrenching transitioning from asking for help to insisting on it as the days turned into weeks.

On their last visit, moments of consciousness and lucidity were few and far between, but they began the same as all of the others with Lina's scorched voice entreating, "Will you help me, Morgan?"

Steele stared down at her friend, took her hand in hers, and changed the path of their visit, "Yeah, Li Li, I'm gonna help you."

Vasquez's face didn't register what she had heard right away due to the influence of morphine or because it was the answer she had been waiting for, but thought would never come, "Yes?"

Steele nodded biting so deeply into her lower lip she tasted blood, "Yes."

The keys to the PCA pump pressed into her leg through her jeans not allowing her to forget they were there or how she got them; a favor owed had been paid, in full, and another friendship lost in repercussion. Her fingers trembled as she pulled them from her pocket and unlocked the front panel.

"This is the right thing," Lina's voice cracked with each word. She was trying to help Morgan the only way she knew how.

Tears dripped from Morgan's eyes making it difficult to read the numbers on the input panel, "There's nothing right about any of this Li."

Lina had reached out for her, "You always do what's right." Lina paused taking labored breaths, forcing the words from her seared throat; every word agonizing, "You did the right thing trying to save me and you're doing the right thing now; saving me again."

Steele reached deeper into her pocket and took out a piece of paper with a series of numbers on it. She looked at Lina who nodded urging Steele forward with eyes glimmering with what could only be described as indebtedness.

Watching her begin to close the panel Lina hoarsely gave Steele an order, "Wipe down the key pad."

Steele's guilt was crushing; what happened to her next didn't matter anymore, "What's the point?"

"Wipe the fucking keypad down Steele, and the door too," the power Lina managed to force from her charred vocal chords jolted Morgan into compliance.

When Steele was done, she dropped the keys back in her pocket. She stood as close to her friend as she could, tears streaming uncontrollably from her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Lina."

Lina's tears slid down the side of her face into her ears and for a moment she sounded like her old self, "Detective Morgan Steele, it has been an honor; to know you; to work side by side with you; to have you as my friend."

Steele couldn't talk; her throat clenched tightly shut trying to hold on to some kind of control, "No regrets, you hear me?"

She could only nod and gently caress a strand of Lina's hair back from her face, "No regrets."

"Time to go," Lina wheezed squeezing and releasing Morgan's hand.

Steele turned to walk out of the room for what she knew would be the last time. Everything had been said with only one thing left to be done. As the door to the room drifted to a close, the last sound Morgan heard was the distinctive click; as feint as a whisper, but deafening in its decisiveness. Minutes later, Lina Vasquez was released from her hell leaving Morgan Steele completely alone in hers.

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"Hey," Castle found a place by the door where he could talk.

"Hey, Castle," Kate's anxiety about the conversation they needed to have was only thinly veiled.

"You still working?" Castle figured the question was actually rhetorical when he asked it.

"No, I'm at home; already in bed," having an easy question to answer gave her a moment to try and relax.

Castle couldn't believe it. The minute he left town, her nights freed up, but he tempered his thoughts and said, "That's three nights in a row this week; lucky you."

If Kate caught the edge to his voice, she didn't let him know it, "Where are you?" The background noise was making it difficult for Kate to hear him.

Castle glanced back toward the table, "I'm at Remy's. Stopped in for some take-out."

"Remy's? I really miss that place. What I wouldn't give for a strawberry shake right now," Kate could almost taste it.

Castle turned back toward the front windows of the diner, "Well, we can make that happen this weekend. You all packed?"

Kate glanced at the empty bag sitting on the floor next to the closet, "I'm going to hold you to it."

Castle noticed Kate hadn't answered his question, but he let it go. He had a feeling there was more to this call than a simple check in. He began to wonder if she had called to cancel the weekend, "Is everything alright, Beckett?"

The few seconds of silence was all the confirmation Castle needed, "Kate?"

"There's something I need to tell you," Kate knew that if she didn't tell him now, she might not ever.

Just as Kate was about to confess to him about her unorthodox investigation into Morgan Steele, she heard a voice in the background call, "Hey, Steele I heard Castle's back; should I look for you in his next book?"

Steele laughed and responded without missing a beat, "His books aren't for people who still write with crayons; don't think you can handle it."

With the realization that Steele was at Remy's too, all thoughts of confession were immediately suctioned from Kate's mind, "Is Steele there?"

Castle answered yes, but offered nothing more.

Kate felt backed into a corner by what she internalized as evasiveness. Tossing any subtext aside, she took the direct approach, "Okay, let me rephrase, are you there with Steele?"

"Not exactly. Where's this coming from? Are you jealous? " her tone was angry and Castle knew jealous Beckett when he heard it.

"Do I have a reason to be?" she was jealous. Steele was in New York with Castle and she was in DC alone.

"I dropped in for some take-out and Steele was already here. She invited me to join her," Castle was getting annoyed.

"I don't think I like the idea of you spending so much time with her," Kate's mind snapped back to what she had learned about Steele's past and the issues it has raised for her.

Castle took her words as pure jealousy, "That's funny; I don't recall you being concerned about who I spent my time with when I was sitting around waiting for you every night in DC."

"So you two are having dinner together," Kate was drawing her own conclusion; ignoring Castle's attempt at an explanation.

"I told you. We ran into one another here," Castle reiterated; needing her to hear him, so not wanting their conversation to go like this.

"I'm sure you did; pure coincidence," Kate couldn't help throwing that jab knowing how Castle viewed such things.

The snide remark shoved Castle past annoyed to angry, "What wrong? Have I not eaten enough meals alone lately to suit you?"

Kate absorbed the retort; how could she not, he was right, "Castle, let's not do this. I'm sorry. I'm just tired. I don't want to fight with you."

Castle didn't want to fight either; he missed her and couldn't wait to see her. That's what he wanted to tell her. Why couldn't that be why she called? "What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

Kate teetered on the edge of reviving her confession, but considering how the conversation had gone so far decided that she should tell him in person, "It's nothing that can't wait."

"You sure?" Castle wanted them to communicate, but he wasn't averse to putting off whatever was on her mind especially if it could cause another fight.

"You know, I never realized how big this bed is until now," Kate's voice had lost its edge.

Castle warmed immediately to the change in her; wanting what he was hearing in her voice, "Agent Beckett, are you trying to tell me that you miss me being in your bed?"

"What if that's exactly what I'm saying, Rick?" Kate turned up the heat.

Castle couldn't help but wonder if this was still jealous Beckett, "Tell you what, I'll give you my answer tomorrow night, in person; at the loft; in our bed."

"Looking forward to it," his answer completely captured her imagination.

"You and me both," Castle was smiling into the phone. "And Kate, I love you."

"Me too, Castle," Kate's thumb tapped the end button determined to make the weekend a good one; so much so that she got up and packed remembering to include some things she knew to be Castle's favorites.

Castle stared at the phone running the conversation back through his head. It was clear that Kate was aware of Morgan Steele. And from her reaction, he believed she knew about her as well; at least enough to be jealous that he was working with her. He didn't know if he was annoyed or flattered; maybe a bit of both. Jealousy had always been a solid barometer Castle had used over the years to assure himself that Kate was indeed interested in him romantically; at times it had been the only way he knew. Now that they were a couple; engaged to be married, jealousy no longer served the same purpose. If Kate was jealous now, did that mean she didn't trust him or was it simply who she was. Another part of her he would need to accept.

Castle decided to shelve the issue and rejoin Morgan feeling that he had left her at a difficult point in the conversation. Castle dropped back into his side of the booth, "Sorry about that."

Steele seemed subdued, but otherwise okay, "No need to apologize."

The phone call with Kate had left him obviously unsettled, "Probably should have let it go to voice mail and called her back when I got home."

"Went that well, did it?" Steele left Castle an opening in case he wanted to talk about it.

He shook his head; buying time; ambivalent about the whole conversation, "You know, I can't even tell you. It was like we were on a roller coaster; not even the same one."

The waitress dropped the bill for Steele's meal in the center of the table. Castle and Steele reached for it at the same time; his hand covering hers. Their eyes met; raw attraction baiting them; snaring them momentarily; followed immediately by a common awareness of their mutually vulnerable states. Simultaneously withdrawing their hands severing a connection neither had been seeking; even resisting through shared denial; the door they had placed between them, a door a perfect storm of circumstances was poised to kick in.

"May I take care of that for you?" the waitress realized immediately that she had walked into something and started to back away.

Castle handed the check and cash to the girl, "Please, and keep the change."

Just then Castle and Steele's phones alerted them to text messages; both assumed it was the precinct; they were wrong.

After reading their own messages, they turned their phones toward one another. "Esposito?" Castle's question was perfunctory.

Steele laughed, "Ryan?"

"Sounds like there is quite the party going on," Castle concluded after having read both messages.

Steeled smiled broadly, still laughing as she got up from the booth, "Yeah, and it's at your bar. Think I'm gonna have to check this out." Steele had made her decision and quickly texted Javi that she was on her way.

Castle held the door open for her and as she walked past him asked, "You coming, Castle?"

Kate's words filtered through his decision; their weight keeping him momentarily in place. Tonight there was a party with friends who were like family; characters in the book that was his life; it was what he needed to reclaim the pieces of himself that he had so easily dismissed out of desperation the day she said yes.

Jostled free from his thoughts by a couple coming through the door, he realized Steele was standing outside waiting for his answer, a friendly smile playing across her lips, "It's never really a party until Richard Castle makes an appearance."

Steele's smile melted into an amused smirk accompanied by a dramatic eye roll, "Gee, Castle I sure hope there's enough room in the car for you and your ego."

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He feels it, pulling him, a magnetic force, his mind and body in an epic  
battle for control. No secrets, beauty, brains, uncomplicated, temptation. (Follow on Twitter at castleficlets)


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I really appreciate all the follows, comments, PM's, and reviews. It's great to know you are all out there reading Castle fanfic since there are so many great authors and stories out there to help ease the pain of the long hiatus. That being said, this story is being written with multiple plot lines that interconnect and influence one another. It is laid out more like a novel, meaning that you will NOT see an early resolution to the angst and major plot points. This is not a one shot or a fluff story; there is a lot of angst, along with many twists and turns, but if you are patient, you will get a great Caskett ending. If you don't like Caskett angst, this is not the story for you. Happy Reading._****_  
_****So without further ado, let's get to the next chapter...**

Impromptu, small party, not what it turned out to be, his writers mind, searches for the word, blow out, bash, excessive indulgence, debauchery, all seem to fit the bill. (follow on Twitter at castleficlets)

226 Miles

Chapter 12

When Steele and Castle arrived they could hear the roar of an apparently very good time coming from inside the bar. The Old Haunt was packed with people; more than Castle had ever seen at one time since he had purchased it. As he made his way to the center of the room and eye of the party storm, he noticed that a very large number of the revelers were from the 12th; not just homicide, but the whole 12th.

He spotted Kevin and Javi manning a line of shots that spread halfway down the bar, "Hey, guys. What's going on?"

"Castle!" Kevin wasn't slurring yet, but he was over enunciating in anticipation.

Javi clapped Castle on the back; he was still on the more sober side of drunk, "Castle, it's a party!"

"I see that," the Haunt's manager smiled and waved to Castle from behind the bar indicating that everything was seemingly under control.

"Have a drink, bro. You need to loosen up," Javi shoved a shot of single malt in his face.

Castle glanced back looking for Steele. She had already been absorbed into a table of detectives from robbery; he didn't miss that one of them; the one she was talking to was Tom Demming. Castle tossed back the shot and grabbed another one from the row of about fifteen and threw that one back too; he had some catching up to do if he was going to smooth out the rough edges he was dealing with.

Just when he thought he had seen all there was to see, he heard a voice that could belong to only one person; Martha Rogers, "Richard, I'm so glad you came."

Castle watched his mother's approach; now she was drunk, "It's my bar, Mother. Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm all right. Just having a few cocktails with some friends," Martha explained.

"Who here is a friend of yours?" Castle questioned her looking around recognizing no one from her circle.

Javi and Kevin eyed the conversation trying to decide if they should be amused or not; unsure, they both slammed back another shot.

Martha looked around the room; at a loss she proceeded on impulse, "Detective Esposito and Detective Ryan; they are my friends."

"No, Mother, they are my friends," Castle corrected her as the drink Kevin had slipped into his hand disappeared down his throat effectively masking the look he cast toward the robbery table.

"Not so fast, Castle. Your mom? She's cool, bro. I'd be her friend," Javi butted in.

"Yeah, your mom is …," now Kevin was slurring and he was having trouble putting together complete thoughts.

"He's not driving, right?" Castle asked Javi.

Javi shook his head, "Nope, Jenny is coming to get us later. Pregnant wives make great designated drivers."

Javi smacked Kevin in the arm, "Cool, bro. Castle's mom is cool. What's wrong with you?"

Kevin nodded and grabbed his next shot, "I'll drink to that!"

"Richard, before you completely rain on my parade, I am going to rejoin my other new friends," before Martha left she grabbed four shots from the bar and teetered back the way she had come.

Castle was feeling the whiskey saturate his blood and allowed a relaxed state to replace the tension filled one he had been sporting when he arrived. He looked around at the crowd and had a thought that the Old Haunt could do a lot worse than becoming a cop bar.

"A toast," Javi handed Ryan and Castle one of the few remaining shots from the bar.

Castle finally felt the celebratory atmosphere pulling him in, "What shall we drink to?"

"To good times and good friends; may they never be forgotten," Kevin had hijacked Javi's toast.

Castle watched Javi's face. He looked like an objection was coming, but changed his mind and raised his glass, "Yeah, to good times, good friends and Beckett wherever she is."

Castle wasn't inebriated enough to not feel the ache that came at the mention of Kate. He missed her; he missed them; the life they had led together in New York. He couldn't help thinking how perfect everything would be if she were standing beside him. He would hold her close, breathe in the scent of cherries, and use kisses to taste red wine from her lips and tongue. At least that's what he would do if the Kate he had asked to marry him was by his side. The Kate in DC; the Kate headed to New York in mere hours; the Kate that had chosen not to wear his ring; the Kate that only seemed to be at home when he wasn't; how would this night be going if she were standing beside him? He honestly didn't know.

"Castle," a voice he was quickly coming to recognize called his name.

Castle turned to find Steele standing there with Demming at her shoulder, "Hey, guys." Steele greeted Javi and Ryan by raising her glass.

Demming and Castle eyed one another like two prize fighters ready for another go, "Castle."

"Demming," Castle really didn't like this guy.

"You two know one another?" Steele asked innocently; completely unaware of their history, but then said, "That makes sense; you did work at the same precinct for years, right?"

Demming was standing behind Steele; close behind her; his eyes bleary with alcohol and an attitude reminiscent of the past, "Yeah, we go way back."

"Not far enough," Castle muttered under his breath.

"What did you say, Castle?" Steele hadn't heard him over the noise of the crowd.

He wasn't sure, but was almost certain that robbery boy had, "Yeah, we know one another well enough."

Steele smiled back at Demming who asked, "How's Kate?"

Demming's smirk made Castle want to punch it off his face, "She's great, Demming."

"New job keeping her pretty busy I would guess," he was headed somewhere with this.

"Comes with the territory," Castle tried not to give him anything to work with.

"Shame she didn't make it to the book release party. That's the first one she's missed since you started the Nikki Heat series isn't it?" Demming emptied his drink.

Steele was loosely following the conversation; paying more attention to a drunk Kevin and Javi than Castle and Demming.

Castle's eyes blazed, but his face remained relaxed; smile fixed firmly in place, "You know how unavoidable work conflicts can be, but she's coming in for the weekend."

Castle's jab hit its mark, "So when's the wedding?"

Demming's counter swing was a blind one; but accurate, he knew Kate too, "Nothing set in stone yet, but we're close." Castle hadn't lied; the truth was somewhere in the vicinity, but Demming was the last one that Castle would give the satisfaction of knowing that he wasn't even sure if Kate wanted to get married anymore.

Demming smiled broadly; clearly finding Castle's response circumspect, "You know Castle, Kate does have a habit of committing to things and backing out at the last minute. You wouldn't be the first guy who couldn't hold on to her long enough to seal the deal."

Castle realized that Demming was referring to the coming weekend and their engagement; he was walking a fine line. Javi and Kevin seemed to agree; having overheard Demming's comment about Kate, they stepped up behind Castle, one at either shoulder; smiles replaced by a challenge with enough alcohol behind it to see it through.

"I think it's time for you to go back where you came from, Detective Lemming," Javi told him through clenched teeth.

Kevin seemed to have sobered up a bit for the confrontation, "Lemming; isn't that some kind of rat?"

Javi grinned, "Yeah, I think so, bro."

"They're known for doing stupid shit in large groups," Kevin eyed Demming's robbery buddies who had come up behind him sensing trouble.

Demming let his attention drift to Steele clearly concerned about how she might be internalizing his interaction with Castle, "Why don't we go back to our table and have another drink, Morgan."

Steele glanced at Castle then at Demming realizing that what she was witnessing between the two men had little to do with inter-squad rivalry and a lot more to do with a shared history; one that had Kate Beckett as a focal point. Whatever it was, she was pretty certain she wanted no part of it, "You know, Tom, I think I am going to hang out with homicide for a while. Thanks for the offer."

Demming's eyes were no longer on Steele; they were chilled and fixed on Castle; flicking intermittently to Ryan and Esposito, "I'll be in touch about that dinner."

Steele touched Demming's arm and urged him back toward his robbery buddies, "Sure, call me."

Demming backed away a few steps before turning completely around and returning to his table, "Lemming?" Kevin raised a fist to Javi.

Javi looked at Kevin; his grin and party mood back, "Good one?"

Their fists bumped together in mutual admiration, "The best. You do know what a lemming is, right?"

Javi and Kevin dropped away from Castle and Steele in search of another shot, "You said it was a rat, bro."

"Well, that was fun," Steele could tell that Castle was seething.

Castle didn't even make any attempt at subterfuge, the alcohol causing him to be overly open, "Kate and Demming used to date; before us."

"Yeah, I sort of got that," Steele watched Castle; his body language reeking of anxiety, anger and frustration.

Castle's attention was still on Demming who seemed to have already moved on from the interaction,  
"How about that drink?"

Steele smiled at him glad to see Castle attempt to let it go, "Espo, Ryan, save some for us."

Last call came quickly. Tabs were paid; cabs were called, and designated drivers collected their charges who varied in levels of intoxication from just over the limit to shit faced. The homicide detectives from the 12th and Castle fell into the latter category. What made the situation truly surreal was that Martha Rogers was the one who ensured that Espo and Ryan made it into the capable hands of Jenny Ryan and that Morgan and Richard made it back to the loft. Unfortunately, that's not where Martha's machinations ended. Rather than sending Steele home in a cab, she insisted that she stay the night in the guest room. Martha's concern had been genuine and probably not unfounded considering Morgan's state of drunkenness when they arrived at the loft sometime after 3:00 AM, but what no one was sober enough to consider were the repercussions to come when the already jealous and insecure future Mrs. Richard Castle found out about it.

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Head pounding, vision blurry, squinting; mouth dry, the light blinding, tongue coated in mysterious fuzz, he not really sure, he might actually have awakened in Hell. (follow on Twitter at castleficlets)

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The sun light cut sharply through the windows in Castle's bedroom ripping into the small slits his lids had allowed open for his eyes to search for a way to identify and stop the confounding sound that was causing the blood vessels behind them to pulse. It took a few seconds for him to realize it was his phone and a few more to realize that it was Paula's ring tone; an alert; his warning that Lord Vader was calling.

Not having any idea what time it was and not really caring as long as the Imperial March came to a definitive end, he answered it, "Paula, call me later." Castle's voice was raspy and he had trouble keeping his tongue from sticking to the roof of his mouth.

Castle started to end the call, but managed to detect the urgency in her voice before he did, "Don't you hang up on me Richard Castle; not before you tell me what you were up to last."

Paula's questions usually just annoyed him; this morning they just made no sense, "Last night?"

"Yes, 4:00 AM this morning a picture of you and your lady friend hit Twitter and by 6:00 AM you were trending; still are actually," Paula began to explain the reason for her early morning call.

Castle was catching about every other word of what Paula was saying, "Twitter? What lady friend?"

"I guess with the hype from the book launch and you being spotted at 4:00 in the morning with a woman who was not Nikki Heat, your fans want to know what's up? And frankly so do I," Paula attempted to clarify, but not very well; at least not in Castle's estimation. "I know you and nothing you do when it comes to women surprises me, but it would really help me out if I could get a heads up before something breaks."

Castle decided that he needed coffee for this conversation to have the opportunity to progress anywhere close to one that was two-way. After putting on his robe and slippers, he dragged himself toward the kitchen trying to recall just how many shots he had consumed and over what period of time he had consumed them, "Paula, I need you to speak quietly; very quietly, and explain to me in short precise sentences what you are talking about."

He heard Paula take in a deep breath over the line, "I need a comment from you about last night. That short enough for you, sport?"

Castle was still listening to Paula, but his mouth had dropped open and his eyes had widened into something more closely related to hysteria than surprise. Mid way through his trek for coffee, his attention had been drawn to the kitchen stopping him in his hung over tracks. Morgan Steele was standing there with her back to him; in his kitchen; in his and Beckett's kitchen. As panic began seeping into his spongy whiskey soaked brain, Castle realized the only explanation for Steele to be there this early was that she had never left; she had spent the night at the loft, "This is bad; this is very, very bad."

To make matters worse, he heard his mother coming down the steps behind him, "Richard, darling, are you feeling badly? You know I can mix up a cure for what ails you."

Paula was chattering in his ear, Martha was explaining how she had gotten everyone safely home from the bar and Steele wasn't talking; a fact for which Castle was grateful because he didn't think he could take another female voice slamming around in his head at the moment, "Steele?"

Morgan turned around slowly. She was wearing her sunglasses, nursing a cup of coffee, and had obviously slept in her clothes, "Castle." She literally croaked her one word greeting to him revealing the truth; she was equally as hung over; he hadn't been the only one to get hammered last night. Brief flashes of Esposito and Ryan doing shooters furthered that belief.

Castle continued toward the kitchen trying to focus on one problem at a time, "You need a comment about what?"

"Rick, focus. I'm getting calls; lots of them from reporters trying to ID the mystery woman from last night," Paula didn't sound concerned about the existence of the woman, or even the photo itself; just the fact that she didn't know who it was.

"Mystery woman?" Castle was trying to clear the fog from his head and focus.

Martha overheard his half of the conversation as she was heading back up the stairs, "The only mystery woman at that party last night Richard is standing in your kitchen."

Castle clapped a hand over his mouth. Steele was resting her forehead on the kitchen counter, "Did you say something about a photo?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. There was a pic posted last night on Twitter of you at The Haunt with an attractive woman who is not your fiancée and you look pretty cozy," Castle finally got it and had a feeling he was going to get it again when Beckett found out.

Steele's head was resting on both her arms; she looked like she was trying to catch a little more sleep standing up, "No idea what you're talking about, Paula. I need to go."

Castle walked over to the counter and put his phone down, wanting to get as far from it as he could, "Apparently there's a picture of us from last night floating around on Twitter."

Steele lifted her head up from the counter so she could look at Castle, "There is no god."

"Reporters are trying to find out who you are," Castle rubbed his eyes trying to force them to cooperate and focus.

Steele thought for a minute squinting behind her sunglasses, "How bad could it be Castle? We were surrounded by two thirds of the 12th precinct."

Steele's words made Castle feel a little bit better; at least they did until he logged into his Twitter account, "I'm a dead man."

Steele reached across the counter and pulled his phone from his hand; looked at the picture and immediately turned it face down on the counter, "Yep, you're a dead man."

The picture was of Castle and Steele leaning against the bar of The Haunt; deeply engaged in conversation; maintaining eye contact; heads tilted slightly toward one another; drinks in hand. What the photo failed to show was that everyone in the bar was situated similarly in conversation due to the size of the crowd and how loud it was in there. Conveniently cropped from the scene were Esposito who had been right next to Castle and Ryan who had been on the other side of Steele.

Castle even knew what they were talking about when the picture was taken. Kate and her weekend visit had been on his mind along with a desire for some quality time with her at home; away from the distractions of DC.

"You need to get in front of this," Steele's offer of advice was unsolicited, but she gave it anyway before trying to sooth the pounding in her head again with the coolness of the granite counter top.

Castle considered her words, but he wasn't really concerned about Kate seeing the picture before he had a chance talk to her about it that night, "I can't do anything until I have some coffee and a shower."

"If this thing is on Twitter, Kate's gonna see it," Steele insisted; her voice echoing off the counter top and through her arms since she had wrapped them around her head trying to slow the spinning of the room.

Castle was already walking away with his coffee not even turning around to answer her, "Steele, Kate doesn't Twitter. Tweeted her months ago, still haven't heard back. I'm good until tonight."

Castle disappeared from the room. Steele lifted her head from the counter, wiping at the drool she left behind trying to decide if the bad feeling she was having was related to the picture or her massive headache. Deciding that she had done all she could do by offering her advice, Morgan finished her coffee, left the mug in the sink, grabbed her phone and purse and was headed toward the door when her cell rang, "Steele."

"Steele?" A very surprised female voice was on the other end.

Steele removed the phone from her ear and looked at the call screen, "Beckett?" How the hell did Beckett's number get on her phone?

Kate was sitting at her desk in the AG building, "What… where's Castle?"

"Castle?" One cup of coffee hadn't done much in the way of clearing Steele's mind.

"Yes, Castle, where is he?" Kate was so flustered by Morgan Steele answering Castle's phone that she sounded a little hung over herself.

"What time is it?" Steele had no idea how late it was.

"It's 7:30," Kate answered with automaticity.

"Oh, god, I have to get a shower and get to the precinct," Kate could tell that Steele's words were self directed.

What the hell was it with Castle and his phone lately? "How did you end up with Castle's phone?" Kate was determined to deal with whatever this was calmly and rationally.

"Yeah, I picked his up by mistake," Steele used the first reasonable explanation that came into her mind.

"Okay, I get that," Kate admitted though she wasn't happy about how the mix up might have happened at Remy's.

"What time did you say it was?" Morgan asked Kate again having somehow misplaced the answer Kate gave her only a minute earlier.

Kate began to realize that something was off with Steele, "7:30."

"It's Friday, right?" Morgan walked back over to the kitchen counter retrieving her phone; noticing their cell phone covers were almost identical, solid black.

Kate stared at the phone deciding that the call had crossed over into being bizarre, "Where's Castle?"

Steele headed toward the front door again determined to make it out this time, "In the shower. I really have to go, Kate. I'll let him know you called."

The phone disconnected before Kate could formulate a response. What the hell was going on? It was 7:30 in the morning, Morgan Steele was in the loft again and this time she was answering Castle's phone while he was in the shower.

Kate dropped her phone on her desk while looking around the room. The only other agent there was James Dagget and he seemed preoccupied with something. Kate was grateful that the audience for that phone call had been so limited and that Dagget was too far away to have overheard any of it.

Seeing that Kate was off the phone, Dagget literally jumped out of his seat and headed toward her, his smile full of mischief, "Beckett, your boy is at the center of a Twitter storm."

Kate really wasn't in the mood for Dagget, but it appeared that she didn't have a choice, "Why don't you just say what's on your mind."

"Why do that when a picture is worth a thousand words?" Dagget reached around Kate, typed in a URL and up popped the picture Castle had been so certain she would never see before tonight.

Kate was speechless as she looked at the picture and read the caption, "Is this Richard Castle's new muse? Who is she?" Remaining calm, Kate decided that the photo, if taken in isolation, was ambiguous and quite possibly benign. Steele and Castle were having a drink at the Haunt and engaged in a conversation; until she talked to Castle, reading anything else into it would be a mistake.

Dagget was smiling like the mean class clown from junior high as he pointed at the picture, "That is Morgan Steele."

Kate didn't want Dagget to know that she was fully aware who the woman in the picture was, "What's your point?"

"Wonder if Castle told her he's engaged?" Dagget's blatant reference to the cocktail party was just one more reason not to like the agent.

Kate managed to keep the turmoil she was feeling off of her face and beneath the surface; she wasn't going to give Dagget the satisfaction of knowing that his surprise had actually made an already difficult morning worse. Inside she was battling a tumult of thoughts and emotions; the most prevalent of which was jealousy. Whether anything was going on between them or not, Castle was spending a lot of time with another woman; a woman Kate had no doubt he would find very interesting and even attractive. She glanced at her watch; in twelve hours she would be in New York with him. It was then that they would be able to put things in perspective; back in place. She just had to hold it together until then.

"Agent Beckett," Emily called to her as she approached Kate's desk a piece of paper in her hand.

Kate stood up and took a few steps toward Gellar to put some space between herself and the Twitter herald, "Yes?"

Emily looked past Kate over her shoulder to Dagget who had perched himself comfortably on the end of Kate's desk; smug bastard wasn't going anywhere, "Look, Kate, something popped in tech this morning during the usual media sweep. It doesn't have any importance to the team, but I figured it probably will to you."

Emily's eyes lit on the picture of Steele and Castle that was still on Beckett's computer screen, "I already know."

Emily was still holding on to whatever information she had for Kate, "The picture is not all that is out there."

Kate's stomach twisted uncomfortably, "What do you mean?"

Emily gave Dagget a look that told him to get lost, and begrudgingly he did, "I know you're headed to New York this weekend."

Kate accepted Emily's comment as a matter of course, "And?"

Emily stared at her evenly extending the paper, "You just need all the information before you go; that's all."

Kate's eyes dropped to the paper taking note that the same photo that was on her computer screen was at the top of the page. The new information was the article that had been written about it by an online entertainment news reporter entitled:

"Is There Enough Heat Left in the Castle to Melt Steele?"

Who's got the Twitter bird tweeting and trending since 5:00 AM this morning? It's none other than millionaire playboy and bestselling novelist Richard Castle who appears to be metaphorically back on the dating horse again, though this time he is fully clothed. After receiving a photo of the author and an unknown attractive blonde taken inside his bar The Old Haunt in the wee hours of the morning, this reporter is wondering if there is trouble in the Castle kingdom. Missing from the New York social scene for the last six weeks, Mr. Castle returned with a vengeance Tuesday night for his latest Nikki Heat book launch without his rumored future queen and muse former NYPD Detective Kate Beckett. Washington DC's charms and those of his fiancée seemed to have been unable to lure the writer back to the nation's capital as of yet since it has been confirmed that Castle remains in New York City and is currently consulting on a homicide at the 12th precinct. With that said, the question remains, who is the blonde in the company of NYC's own mystery writing son? After looking under a few rocks and shaking a few trees, an ID was made and confirmed. Richard Castle's lady friend is none other than NYPD Homicide Detective Morgan Steele; also assigned to the 12th. A coincidence; we think not. Could this recent turn of events signal the end to Castle's engagement and the Nikki Heat franchise and the beginning of a new love and book series based on Detective Steele? If Mr. Castle is interested, this reporter has some possible book title suggestions for a new kickass detective based on Ms. Steele. First out of the gate would be Heated Steele quickly followed by Liquid Steele, Hard as Steele, Steele Trap and finally Heart of Steele. There you go Richard Castle, your next five books based on your new muse, but can you do me and the readers a favor and not make us wait until page 105 for the first love scene? And if you decided to use one or more of these catchy titles, do you think this reporter can get a writer's credit?

The article made the photo worse somehow; more real; more possible. She needed to see Rick; they needed to talk; needed to fix whatever this was that was happening to them; it needed to be in person and it needed to be now. It was evident that Kate's two worlds were coming together and would soon put her in a position to choose between them; and as much as she wanted to find it, Kate was becoming less and less certain that there was any way she could have both.

Gellar could see that Beckett was struggling against the vortex; being pulled in five different directions at once; information overload reflected in her eyes, "Kate, take the rest of the day." It wasn't a request.

Kate didn't argue, but Emily could see one rising to the surface, "You're no good to the team right now; not like this."

"My flight isn't until tonight," Kate was taken aback by the harshness of Gellar's assessment.

"My advice," Emily's gaze drifted back to the photograph still on Kate's computer monitor, "catch an earlier one."


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I really appreciate all the follows, comments, PM's, and reviews. It's great to know you are all out there reading Castle fanfic since there are so many great authors and stories out there to help ease the pain of the long hiatus. That being said, this story is being written with multiple plot lines that interconnect and influence one another. It is laid out more like a novel, meaning that you will NOT see an early resolution to the angst and major plot points. __This is not a one shot or a fluff story; there is a lot of angst, along with many twists and turns, but if you are patient, you will get a great Caskett ending. If you don't like Caskett angst, this is not the story for you. Happy Reading.__  
__So without further ado, let's get to the next chapter..._

_A/N Been in a funky place with this story the last week; hopefully I'm over whatever block I had going on. _

_Follow me on Twitter at KJF3333 – so many great Castle fans make for fun and interesting conversations. I tend to post when chapter updates are coming, hints, sneak peaks, and links to new chapters. _

226 Miles

Chapter 13

The outside of the abandoned house was pristine making it look lived in to the casual observer which was probably why it hadn't been broken into and stripped in the months it had sat empty. The yard was manicured, flowers lined the walkway to the front door, and trees and hearty shrubs filled in the rest of the landscaping.

Jack Spencer had parked the van half way down the block where it couldn't be seen from the house but gave easy access to both entrances; the back through a neighbor's yard, and the front with a direct approach, "Everyone suited up?"

Trevor London was anxious and it showed. Sweat had broken out on his upper lip and brow; the van's air conditioning still running. Lina Vasquez tried to lighten the mood, smiling broadly as she spoke to him, "London, it's only Izzy. A meth head who weighs in at about a buck fifty; the only thing that might scare you is when you see the eight teeth he has left."

Morgan laughed softly as she anchored down her body armor, "I think you're being generous about the number of teeth he's still got. I think it's closer to three."

Jack had remained in the driver's seat of the van surveying the outside of the house, "No movement. Hand me the infrared, Steele."

Morgan dug through a black duffle, found the heat signature detecting binoculars, and handed them to Spencer, "Ready for Vasquez and London to hit it?"

Spencer carefully scanned the house, "One signature; Izzy doesn't have any friends over."

Vasquez laughed out loud and clapped London on the back, "Not yet, he doesn't. Right, Trev?"

Trevor managed a smile that soothed his nerves just a bit, "You know it, Li. Let's drop by without calling."

"You know, I think that is a fine idea," Lina slid over to the side door of the van waiting on word from Spencer for them to take up their position outside the back door of the house.

Steele remained slightly to the right and behind Jack out of sight to any passing motorist or pedestrians as he made one more pass over the house with both the regular and infrared binoculars, "Radio check."

"Li, time to play catch a crack head," Steele's voice carried clearly through to Vasquez's radio confirming they were tuned to the correct channel and that the equipment was functioning properly.

"That's what I'm talking about," her excitement electrifying the air in the van.

London, still not quite comfortable enough to join in their banter, laughed out loud at the two women, checked his weapon one last time and squared up behind Vasquez at the door of the van waiting on word from their leader that they were a go.

Jack turned toward the detectives from the front seat, "Is everyone clear on the entry plan?"

"Crystal," Vasquez answered for herself and London; he just nodded in agreement.

"We enter on my radio signal and not before; got it?" Jack's caramel eyes flashed intensely and his squared jaw line was rigid.

Steele's eyes rested on Lina's right hand which was wrapped around the door handle; muscles coiled tightly, a thoroughbred straining to be released from the gate at post time.

"Take your time; don't get spotted; radio when you're in position," Jack nodded as he spoke and Vasquez was out the door as he finished giving the order; London at her back.

Morgan took the infrareds and took her own pass at the house; one signature confirmed, but she was uneasy, "Jack, you think tactical might need to be in on this one?"

Jack reached out and pushed a clump of stray blonde hair from Morgan's eyes, "It's Izzy, Morg."

"I know, but this isn't Izzy's usual zip code. He's way off his numbers; something just feels off about him being here," Morgan's eyes left the house and met Jack's.

Jack ran his hand through his perpetually out of place wavy brown hair; a sign he was becoming annoyed, "How many detectives does it take to bring in a crack head CI?"

She knew Jack wasn't joking, "Jack, I'm not questioning your judgment…"

Spencer cut her off, "Funny, but that's exactly what it feels like you're doing."

"That's not at all my intention," Steele leaned in and kissed him quickly and softly on the lips.

It did not have the disarming effect on Jack that it had the night before at her place, "Okay, let's say we call in tactical. By the time they get geared up, arrive on scene and make entry, we're three hours deeper into the case without a line on our suspect. What if this jackass decides tonight is a good night to blow up another house; maybe this one has kids in it. You ready to live with that?"

Jack's argument had weight, but so did the unease that had settled over Steele as they waited for Vasquez and London to radio back that they were in position. She could feel his emotions straining against the mask of composure he was barely holding in place; his eyes backing up the challenge in his words, "Okay, make the call if you think I'm wrong."

"I trust you completely and I'll go through that door beside you without question," Steele meant every word; the truth in her declaration etched in her face.

"It's your call. Your gut versus mine; what's it gonna be?" Jack was asking her to gamble on him; on them. Their relationship had become more complicated; more intimate; just simply more only a few weeks earlier making their recent days at work hiding the added nuance of their relationship from everyone delicious torture and their nights intensely physical and satisfying. But this, this was different; this was work.

Steele's radio squawked followed by Vasquez's confirmation that she and London were in position. Steele didn't know if her answer came from the woman who was in love with Jack Spencer or the one who was his partner, "Yours. We go with yours."

Steele watched her answer echo through Jack; a convoluted reaction playing across his handsome face; indecipherable.

"Hold your position," Steele's response to Vasquez received an immediate 10-4.

Spencer and Steele's eyes locked; her blues warning of a storm; his sparring with conflict brought on by her questions, "Change of plans. You're going in the back with London and Vasquez will make front door entry with me."

Steele reacted angrily, "Jesus, Jack, is this how it's going to be from now on? We start fucking and suddenly your ego can't take me having some concerns about a raid?"

Jack's anger was poised to lash back at her, but he held on to it, "We're just not on the same page tonight, Morgan."

"Don't do this," Morgan appealed one last time.

"Do what? I'm making a tactical adjustment; nothing more," his voice betraying that there was actual emotion behind the decision.

"Fuck it!" Morgan moved to the side door, "Vasquez, change of assignment. You're going in with Spencer; meet up at the van."

Steele slid the door open and stared back at Jack before slipping into the street, "This is wrong and you know it." It was the last thing she ever said to him.

Morgan's ragged intake of breath and churning thoughts slammed her back to consciousness; jerking her bolt upright in the bed. The five minutes of rest she had intended to allow herself to alleviate burning eyes and an aching head still left after a long hot shower had turned into forty minutes in the company of the wraith of her dead partner and lover where she relived yet again that last conversation; his challenge; a choice clouded by and made from emotion rather than experience and intuition; a mistake in judgment that cost two of them their lives, one a fledgling career and the last her life as she knew it.

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The lights in the precinct seemed brighter than usual; the sounds of work louder than usual; the smell of the old bullpen more offensive than usual; the price to pay for a night of drinking with friends higher than usual.

"Whose idea was last night?" Javi asked with a voice raspy from overuse.

Kevin whose back had been to Espo turned to face him, "Yours."

Espo grinned, "Oh, yeah, it was. Good times."

Kevin's smile, though lopsided and weak, was sincere, "You can say that again, bro."

"You can say what again, Esposito?" Castle had entered the bullpen unnoticed by either of the boys; a quad order of coffees and a box of donuts from the shop by the loft in hand.

"That I was hoping you would bring coffee and donuts in this morning," Javi wasted no time relieving Castle of the freshly baked goods.

"How can you eat that, dude?" Kevin looked like the smell of the donuts alone was going to send him running from the room.

Espo had taken a half donut sized bite, "Bro, donuts make the perfect sponge for alcohol. Bet I'm sober before you are."

Kevin physically moved away from the box, "Where's Steele? You two not come in together?"

Castle's face always the open book when it came to trouble gave away that something was up; intrigued, the boys were determined to find out what, "Castle, what's going on?" Javi got up from his desk and closed the distance between himself and Castle.

"Yeah, Castle, what gives?" Kevin sounded suspicious, yet intensely curious.

Castle's eyes rested briefly on the ceiling, Gates' still empty office, and finally back on the boys, "You been on Twitter this morning?"

Kevin immediately reached for his phone and paged to Castle's site, "Oh, man, have you talked to Beckett yet?"

Javi crowded Kevin to get a look at the feed, "Bro, you are so dead when Beckett sees this."

Castle looked miserable, "I know."

Kevin jumped back in the conversation, "You mean you haven't told her about this yet?"

Castle looked like a teenager who had taken the family car out for a joyride the night before and awoke the morning after having forgotten where he left it, "Ryan, she's never on Twitter. She's going to be here tonight. I thought I would tell her in person."

Javi's look was not encouraging, "Yeah, that'll make it easier for her to shoot you, bro."

Kevin offered a modicum of hope for Castle's plan, "He's right, she's never on Twitter; never retweets or answers anything I send her. You could be right, Castle. You might actually survive this."

Javi was shaking his head, "You're an idiot and Castle is a dead man."

A brief silence fell between the three men only to be disrupted by a familiar voice from their not too distant past, "This place smells like desperation, defeat and whisky sweat; did I miss a party?"

Jordan Shaw stood barely five feet from the trio of visibly hung over detectives, "Mr. Castle, it's a surprise to find you here; but I must say it's a pleasant one."

Shaw's smile met Rick's, "Agent Shaw, it's great to see you, but I can't imagine this is a social call."

"Why else would I darken the 12th precinct doorway? Murder," Jordan's voice added to the cacophony of noises already clambering in the partiers' brains.

That word had never failed to get Castle's attention and it didn't now, "Murder? Our murder?"

Javi was on his second donut; Kevin was still nauseated wondering if the milk in his morning cereal had been such a good idea after all, "You talking about the Humpty Dumpty case?"

Shaw's eyebrows rose, Kevin shook his head at Javi and Castle said, "Still too soon, Esposito."

Jordan approached the murder board, "However inappropriate; he's correct. I am here about the body parts case."

Castle's interest shifted into a higher gear, "For you to be here; this has to be bigger than what we previously thought." Castle looked like a kid at his own birthday party, "Tell me it is."

"Tell you it's what?" Javi wasn't following and Kevin was distracted by the uncomfortable rumblings coming from his stomach.

Jordan smiled at Castle's enthusiasm, "It is indeed."

"Yes!" Castle's celebration was interrupted by the late arrival of Morgan Steele.

"It is what?" Morgan asked entering the room with her own coffee from the place across from Castle's loft and eyes that landed on and remained with Shaw.

"You must be Detective Morgan Steele," Jordan wanted to clear up her identity and the reason for her presence quickly.

Morgan didn't wait for more; feeling territorial, "And that would make you?"

Jordan approached Steele extending her hand, "Special Agent Jordan Shaw; FBI."

Steele's eyes went to Castle as if he were somehow responsible for the agent's arrival. "We worked with Agent Shaw on a case a while back," he was trying to explain the familiarity that was present between them.

Jordan followed Castle, "I'm here because your case set off alarms in the FBI data base. Indications are that your guy and my guy are one and the same."

Castle's excitement drew everyone's attention to him, "May I say it?"

Shaw laughed at him; not with him, but at him, "Be my guest."

"Our guy is a serial," Castle announced it as if he had just unearthed the prize at the bottom of his Cracker Jack box.

Steele couldn't help herself, "The things that get you going, Castle."

Castle was smiling at Steele without restraint, "I know, right?

Shaw contemplated the easy interaction between Castle and the new detective, but went on to say, "I've been on this case for the last two years."

Javi, Kevin and Morgan looked from Shaw to Castle who inquired, "New York isn't our guy's first rodeo?"

Shaw walked over to the murder board, "It's his third series of kills that we know of in as many cities."

"This nut bar has done this twice before in other cities?" Javi was looking for clarification and voicing his dismay at the same time.

Jordan turned away from the board and back toward the detectives and Castle, "I am telling you that he has done this sort of thing in two other cities that we know of and that your body; it's the first of four if he keeps to his template."

"Nine known victims across three major cities? Why didn't any of this come up in our investigation before now?" Castle's mental conspiracy theory generator kicked on.

Shaw shot Castle a look that was an answer in itself, "This information was need to know only and before now, you didn't need to know."

Steele scrutinized Jordan Shaw's answer the way the detective before her had done on their first meeting, "Very FBI of you."

Shaw smiled wryly at Steele; gazes locking; neither wavering, "I see that things around here haven't really changed all that much with Detective Beckett gone."

Kevin whispered to Javi, "The more things change…"

Javi was right there with him, "The more they end up the same."

Ryan eyed Espo, "That's not the saying, dude."

Espo's response was immediate, "Yes it is."

"It's the more they stay the same, bro," Kevin corrected him.

Javi indicated Castle and Steele with his chin, "Not if you're looking at what I am, bro." Steele had perched on the end of her desk; feet in Castle's chair leaving him standing comfortably beside her.

Castle had dealt with two strong women going head to head over a case before, so he changed the focus of the conversation, "Where's the rest of your team, Jordan?"

Shaw willingly shifted gears from Steele back to the case, "When we have the head and an ID, they'll be here."

"With all of your FBI toys?" Castle didn't even try to mask his exuberance at the thought.

"Of course, Castle," Jordan leaned in toward him, "I've gotten a few new ones since the last time we worked together."

Javi and Kevin exchanged glances trying to hide their own interest in what those toys might be, "You said he's done this twice before?"

"Yeah, he started out in Burlington, Vermont, moved on to Boston two years later, and now he's here in your backyard."

Steele made an immediate connection, "If you consider the specific addresses of the drop locations, numbers seem pretty significant to this guy."

Jordan nodded appreciatively, "It would appear that way particularly after you look at the Boston and Burlington patterns."

Jordan pulled a flash drive from her bag, walked over to Kevin's computer and asked, "May I?"

Kevin backed out of the way signaling Shaw to do her thing, "Our boy started just over four years ago. Four women were kidnapped, killed, dismembered, and dumped around the city of Burlington in six pieces. Ten days per body; forty days later, he's gone for two years before turning up in Boston and starting all over again."

Steele moved to peer over Shaw's left shoulder so she could see the screen, "No way."

Shaw smiled again when Steele recognized the pattern as she stepped back to give her and the guys a better look, "When we placed the addresses on a map, the drop sites made the outline of a human body; each one in the correct anatomical position."

"Son of a bitch," Javi's internal monologue escaped him uncensored.

Castle was immediately drawn to the addresses next to each drop point on the Burlington map of the first victim: Right Leg: 8 Main Street**, **Left Leg: 8 Pearl Street**, **Right Arm: 39 King Street**, **Left Arm: 39 Grant Street**, **Torso: 72 South Union Street**, **Head: 27 South Williams Street.

Javi and Kevin saw something too, "Look at that; the 8 and 39 are repeated."

Castle and Steele held off demanding payment of their bet winnings for the time being, but shot the boys a look that told them to get their money ready.

"COD Ketamine and Oxy?" Steele had returned her attention to the computer screen.

Shaw was impressed the team already had that bit of information, "All eight victims; same COD."

Having spent so much time researching the plastic sheeting, Kevin had to ask, "Your FBI guys find high end industrial shrink wrap plastic in the wounds?"

This was new information to Shaw, "No, that's a new twist; our guys evolving."

Javi interjected himself into the conversation, "We traced the stuff to just a few manufacturers in the tri-state area. We're working on distributors and purchasers trying to see how easy this stuff is to find."

"What's your theory on why he's using it?" Shaw hadn't had time to consider this new characteristic.

"Dr. Parish thinks he is using it to minimize the mess when he's cutting the bodies up," Steele offered.

"Might mean he's cutting where he's hiding; trying to keep things tidy," Jordan shared the thought as it crossed her mind.

Castle had been listening, but his mind was on something totally different, "Do all of the body drop addresses create the human outline?"

Shaw confirmed it with a nod, "They sure do and all eight drop locations have at least two numbers in the addresses that repeat."

"Any pattern to the drop order of the body parts themselves?" Steele asked seeming to fall into some kind of sync with Castle's thinking.

"Completely random; in some cases even the head dropped first," Shaw answered easily having already looked at that possibility herself.

Castle went to the murder board and the map they had labeled with the drop locations; arms swinging at his sides, hands fidgety; on overload from either too much excitement, caffeine or both.

Steele followed and stood at his shoulder; arms folded across her chest waiting for Castle to turn back from the board, "We have the numbers 57, 98 and 43 from the four parts we have so far; 57 has already been used twice."

Steele's hands dropped to her sides, bumping into his as she completed Castle's thoughts, "So with only two parts left either 98 or 43 is going to be in the address of one of the two remaining drop locations."

"I see what you mean," Kevin understood what Javi had made reference to earlier after watching Castle and Steele build theory together.

"Seriously, bro? Even Perlmutter could see that," Javi was amused by his own retort.

Jordan pulled out her phone giving Castle a teasing smile and Steele an appreciative nod, "Nice to know you're still helpful even without Beckett around, Castle. I'll have my people run possible address drops using 98 and 43 that would create our human outline."

Shaw stepped away from the group to make her phone call as Steele handed him the equivalent of a mental gold star, "Nice, Castle."

"Back at ya, Steele," Castle's smile ran from ear to ear; he had missed playing cop.

Kevin chimed in, "Told you he was good to have around for more than just breakfast."

Steele perked up a little at Ryan's words, "Just don't forget the bear claw tomorrow, Castle."

Castle laughed at them as his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text alert from the car service he had ordered for Kate's airport pickup advising him of the completion of a drop off at the loft address. Castle's chest tightened; heart beat ratcheting up at the thought; it could only mean one thing; Beckett was home early.

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_Smart, witty, confident, she has the greatest toys, the best the FBI has to offer, a profiler with no equal, sees things others miss, connections, it's natural, it's who she is. (follow on Twitter at castleficlets)_

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Castle's exit from the precinct had been abrupt; his explanation succinct, "She's home." The trip to the loft was a haze of excitement, anticipation, and need. He didn't just want to see Kate, he needed to see her. The last four days had put more than physical distance between them and he didn't like it; hated it even. Being with her was the only thing that mattered the moment his key granted him entrance to their loft.

The mere physical presence of Katherine Beckett never failed to captivate Richard Castle; this most recent moment no different from the very first. There was nothing and no one quite like her; rare as a cooling summer rain during a heat wave; as startlingly beautiful and mesmerizing as the sunset that always follows it.

The sound of running water drew him to the master bedroom; her clothes in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed drawing his eye stirring the longing he had been holding in check. Castle dropped his keys on the dresser; emptied his pockets and began shedding his own clothes; a path of them starting from the dresser and ending where he wanted to be; with her.

The bathroom was glutted in steam; breathing it in while his eyes traveled the lines of her through the clouded glass; this moment was his; catching her unaware of him, he could take her first with his eyes, breathe her in with each gulp of heated air in anticipation of the taste of her mouth, her skin, her desire.

Pulling open the shower door, a fresh wave of vapor enveloped him and he felt rather than saw the hands that reached for him dragging him inside. "Castle," his name a supplicating whisper on her lips; her tone urgent; meaning cutting through the fog surrounding them.

He couldn't see her clearly so he looked into her; hands on her waist; resting only momentarily before sliding up her back to grip her shoulder blades; moving his body forward to make first contact with hers. Kate pulled against him simultaneously rising up on her toes to find his mouth; arms snaked around his neck; fingers anchored in his hair; chest pressed tightly against his.

They found it hard to breathe once their bodies combined; it wasn't due to the fog like steam; it was that they took each other's breath away. The tile wall chilled Kate's skin as Castle used his size and weight to push her against it leaving them under the massaging fingers of the water shooting from the shower head; streams cascading down their faces; across their lips and into their mouths as their tongues wrapped around one another slipping from one open and waiting portal back into the other.

Castle broke free of her kiss long enough to find her eyes; gaze into her face, "I've missed you, Kate."

Her face tilted up toward his; arms locked around his neck, so close to one another, the steam no longer a shroud between them, "These last few days have been hell, Castle."

"I know; for me too," he admitted letting his hands travel over her body; reacquainting himself with the angles of her; the curves; the places where they fit together like pieces of a puzzle; the water tracing them as a single form.

Kate's heart skipped a beat then doubled down, "I don't like being in DC without you."

Castle's mouth fell to her throat; she tightened her grip on his shoulders; pushed her body against his as he strengthened his hold on her, "You're home now."

Kate let the pressure of his mouth on her throat bend her head back and to the side, "I'm home because I'm with you."

Her words pushed him inside her emotionally and physically; Kate bit down on her lower lip as her tightly coiled insides accepted him, "Castle." His name manifested as a command, an entreaty, as supplication.

Hearing her call his name drove him deeper into her; he grasped a handful of her hair and used it to bring her mouth back to his. Each movement of one met by the other; equals in their hunger and thirst for what moments like these brought them; time suspended in their love for one another; time without the interference of daily life and outside forces.

When Kate bit into Castle's shoulder and raked her nails down the sides of his neck he knew she was ready; he had been waiting for her; he wanted her to arrive with him at that place and moment they were both seeking; together through to the end. And as he whispered words culled from the deepest recesses of his heart into her ear, she did, "Katherine Houghton Beckett, I love you."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

_Sex, intimacy, they use it as a mask, diversion, like a beautiful picture, covering a hole in the wall, concealing the damage that lies beneath. (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)_


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N – Same warning – different day - Caskett Angst Advisory - it is what it is my friends – keep the faith in me and Caskett... ALWAYS…._

226 Miles

Chapter 14

Kate woke up; her first thought was of Castle and without even opening her eyes reached out for him; he was gone. Eyes opening in reaction, she pulled herself up on one elbow; glanced around the room looking for signs that would tell her how far away he had gone. Seeing his cell and keys on the dresser, she smiled, ran her hand through hair that had dried while they were making love and then sleeping; she knew it had to be out of control.

Rising from the bed, she intentionally selected Castle's shirt from the pile of options on the floor; lifting it to her face, she breathed deeply of it before slipping it on and fastening just enough buttons to keep it from dropping from her body as she went in search of him.

Stepping across the threshold, Kate heard Castle's voice before she saw him; he was on the phone, "Yes that would be great; one hour would fix everything. Thank you. We'll see you then."

Kate crossed the living room to where he stood in the kitchen wearing only boxers; two wine glasses and a bottle of his favorite red left to breathe on the counter in front of him. He saw her and his eyes brightened, radiating contentment, "Hey."

She slipped into his arms fluidly; lightly kissing his bare chest as she buried her face in him, "Hey."

"I just moved our reservation back an hour since we were unavoidably detained," he wrapped both arms around her; kissing the top of her head just enjoying the stillness of the moment.

"Where are we going? For some reason, I'm starving," Kate smiled lifting her eyes to meet his; his hands slipped to her waist; her palms flattening against his chest as he pulled her tightly to him.

"That is a surprise, Agent Beckett," his eyes were full of enjoyment.

Kate's smile broadened, "A surprise, hmmm. I can't even get a little hint out of you?" She kissed the side of his neck; gently sucking the skin beneath her tongue; a thrill racing through her as she felt chill bumps rising across his arms and chest.

"Now you're not playing fair," his voice caught in his throat as Kate began licking her way up his neck to his earlobe where she continued to gently nibble and softly suck him inside the warmth of her mouth.

Castle shuddered; keeping one hand in the small of her back and using the other behind her neck to bring her teasing mouth to his, he kissed her hard forcing her mouth to open to his; heat provoked from the intensity of their contact. She had started it by teasing him, but Kate found herself wanting him to finish it; giving him all the encouragement she thought he might need by unbuttoning the buttons of her shirt; his eyes riveted to each movement of her fingers; revealing that his shirt was the only thing she had on.

A sharp intake of breath exposed his appreciation; followed up quickly with taking her by the wrists and turning her around where her back was pressed up against his chest. This time it was his warm, moist mouth and tongue that teased the lean inviting lines of her throat; a moan accompanied the arching of her back against him giving him unrestricted access; his hands roaming over her heated skin; a light, slick layer of sweat forming between his chest and her back.

When Castle released her hands, Kate placed them on the counter's surface shifting her position. He didn't miss the invitation; Castle transferred his weight forward; over her back; pushing her even closer to the hard surface; his hands covered hers while lacing their fingers, "Kate," he whispered into her ear as he flicked his tongue along its edge in outline.

"Castle," her answer embedded with craving.

He pushed her hair to one side and ran his tongue in a straight line down the middle of the back of her neck; she shivered under him, "I have something I want to show you." His voice was a seductive whisper.

"Now? Seriously?" Kate felt him pull away from her; her body literally aching in protest.

"Come with me," the look on his face so adorable and that boyish smile disarmed her so easily that all she could do was what he asked.

She took his outstretched hand and followed him back to their bedroom. He stopped in front of the closet, "Close your eyes."

Still too cute to resist, she complied smiling at him as her lids shut. She heard the door to the closet being pulled open and the click of the light switch, "Welcome home, Beckett."

Kate opened her eyes to find a gorgeous Herve Leger single shoulder bandage dress with an asymmetrical neckline in shades of blue that started with deep navy bands at the waist and gradually lightened to a powder blue at the hemline and the shoulder. Below the dress was a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes; the color in perfect complement to the dress. "It's beautiful, Castle; you didn't need to do this."

Castle slid in behind her wrapping his arms around her waist, "I wanted too."

"I guess this means dinner isn't Remy's," Kate smiled reminding him of his promise to take her there over the weekend as she leaned back into his embrace.

He laughed softly into her hair, gently kissing the tender spot where her throat and shoulder met, "Not tonight, but tomorrow we'll have lunch there."

Kate caressed his hands which were still locked around her waist, "If we have reservations, we better get moving."

"You're right; the car will be here in forty-five minutes," he reluctantly released her and she grudgingly did the same; watching him slip from view; only moving herself when she heard the shower turn on bringing urges to mind that if followed weren't going to have her ready to go out to dinner in less than an hour.

Somehow both of them were almost ready in the time they had before the car service was set to arrive. Castle stepped from the bathroom freshly shaven; a light dusting of an expensive wood and spice cologne; wearing a dark blue suit which made the bright hue of his eyes seem to glow. Kate thought he had never looked more handsome; not even ruggedly so; just flat out handsome.

Kate was wearing Castle's gifts; her hair down, cascading around her shoulders and face; just the way she knew he liked it best. They met in the middle of the room; appreciatively looking one another up and down, "Wow." They laughed because they had said it together.

He led her to the mirror; eyes traveled over her with renewed longing, "Extraordinary."

With Castle standing behind her, Kate found his eyes using the mirror, "You look amazing."

The loft land line rang, "I bet that's the driver." Castled answered confirming they would be right down.

Kate waited for him to return to her side so they could leave the room together, but he stopped her when she tried to take his hand, "I have one last gift for you."

Kate was overwhelmed, "Castle, you've already done so much."

There was that smile again, "It won't ever be enough. Wait here."

He disappeared from the room briefly and when he returned his hands were behind his back, "What did you do?"

"I wanted to get you some something special. I hope you like it," Castle's sincerity pushed all thoughts of resisting his gift aside.

Kate closed her eyes; she didn't need him to ask this time. She felt him take her hand and turn it palm up. He then set a small square velvet box in her outstretched hand, "Oh my god, Castle." Kate's eyes opened and rested on a gorgeous pair of oval cut diamond earrings; each a minimum of two carats. She took the earrings carefully from the box and put them on; they were stunning; they were perfect.

Castle slid in behind her again wrapping his arms around her slender waist; that smile was all the gratitude from her that he could ever want.

"The diamonds in these earrings match the cut of your engagement ring," Castle was animated with excitement; particularly about the link the earrings had to the ring. He had been unable to find the perfect pair, so he had them designed and made to match; they were one of a kind; just like her.

Castle's gaze dipped to her left hand wanting to see the two together, but the ring wasn't there, "Kate?" Questioning eyes stared at her; waiting; hoping; withholding judgment, yet clearly uncertain.

Kate's face clouded with realization; she had to tell him. She turned around to face him; resting her hands on his forearms, "I was in such a hurry this morning to catch that earlier flight; so ready to get to New York; to you."

He backed up a couple of feet pulling free of her grasp knowing what was coming next, "Where is it? Do you even know?"

He was upset; she understood, but that didn't make her answer any easier to give him, "I forgot it at home."

Castle stood as if glued to the spot; eyes locked on the mirror behind her, "It's in DC. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You don't wear it unless I'm around and not always even then."

Kate knew he was referencing the cocktail party and in doing so opened the flood gates they had been holding shut between them, "I'm here; we're together. Isn't that what really matters?" Kate was reeling; he looked so hurt; she knew she had fucked up. Only when Castle had mentioned that the earrings were a match to her engagement ring did she realize that she didn't have it. She could see it in her mind; the ring was in its box on the bedside table in their DC townhouse. Kate really had meant to put it on before she left, but wearing it hadn't become a habit yet; it wasn't a part of her daily routine. It had simply been an oversight in her haste to get to him, but the look on his face allowed for little hope that she was going to be able to convince him of that.

Castle's eyes had darkened, "Do you even know why the ring is so important to me?"

"It's a symbol of your love for me," Kate told him softly.

Castle's answer made it clear that he had spent a lot of time thinking about this, "It's more than that. It's everything I feel about you; about us; the future I thought we were working toward. That's what makes the ring important to me. It represents the depth of my commitment. Without that, it's just a shiny metal circle covered with expensive rocks."

"I'm sorry I forgot the ring. I really am," Kate tried to reassure him; desperately wanting him to accept her apology.

"It's not about forgetting the ring. It's that it obviously doesn't mean the same thing to you that it does to me. I'm not sure what it represents to you at this point except something that you feel the need to hide," he was further deflated by his own conclusion about what it really meant.

Kate could see that there was more he wasn't saying; everything that he was holding back; it was behind his troubled eyes; his clenched jaw and balled fists, "There's obviously more you want to say. Why don't you just say it?"

"I don't think you really want that," Castle's voice had cooled to a void of unreadable emotion.

Kate took away the two steps Castle had put between them; challenging him, "Tell me, Castle."

Castle put the distance back between them and more by crossing the room to the window. "I want to know where the more is. The more that we both agreed we deserved; that we both said we wanted. I don't know about you, but I haven't seen any of it yet. All I've managed to rack up so far is a whole lot of less," his frustration carried with it an underlying sadness.

Kate let her eyes close briefly; filtering through not just his words, but the building resentment that she knew accompanied them. She remembered her concern about resenting Castle if she didn't take the job never having considered that one day it might be the other way around if she did, "I know the move and the time demands of this job haven't been easy on you, but it's only been six weeks. It'll get better."

Castle's expression was pained, "I know you can't be talking about things getting better for me. There's nothing in DC for me; not even you; not really."

"That's not fair," Kate felt her defenses rising.

"Please don't get me started on the fairness of this situation," Castle's defenses were roused as well.

"Was it fair for me to have to choose between you and this job opportunity?" Kate took the first shot.

"No more fair than it was for me to walk into that party thinking I was there as your fiancé only to leave as your escort," Castle fired right back clearly angry just thinking about it. "How could you let me walk blindly into a situation where I had to either corroborate your lies or embarrass you by revealing them?"

The directness of the question shoved Kate off balance, "I didn't lie; I just didn't tell them about our relationship."

"Just like you didn't tell me about the trip to DC or the job interview or how you knew I was in love with you for a year?" Castle couldn't stop himself from pointing out her penchant for lies of omission.

"No different than you keeping Smith and the file a secret from me," Kate didn't realize how close to the surface that betrayal still was.

Castle couldn't believe she was attempting to put those issues in the same category; the volume of his voice rising in response, "I was trying to keep you alive, Kate. Are you going to try and convince me that you kept those things hidden to protect me?"

"No, I'm not. I just wasn't ready to tell you about them when you thought I should have been," it was the truth; at least part of it.

Kate was aghast at how much worse things between them looked when seen through the lens of their mutual anger and frustration. It had been so long since they had really talked beyond the mundane; interacted beyond the sexual; that a sink hole had opened between them threatening to absorb the splintered ground they found themselves standing on usurping everything they were with it, "I handled some things in the way I thought best at the time and that hurt you. That was never my intent, Castle, never."

Castle considered her words before he spoke again, "So taking your ring off at work and putting it back on when you were home; lying to your co-workers; lying to me; that was what you thought was best?" Castle had her cornered with her own actions and his words.

Kate stared at him knowing that her reasons were so personal to her that they would come out sounding selfish and hollow to him. That knowledge sent her on the offensive, "What about you? Why do I have to hear about your late night out with Morgan Steele from my colleagues, read about the details and innuendos in an entertainment reporter's article, and see it with my own eyes in a photo of the two of you on Twitter?"

Castle's anger stalled, but didn't dissipate even though he realized that he had made a mistake in not telling Kate the minute he found out about the photo, "It isn't what you think."

"Oh, no? Then why was she at the loft this morning answering your phone?" Kate demanded.

"Because we had too much to drink last night and it was really late," Castle tried to explain.

Kate cut him off, "So the answer was for her to stay here with you?"

"She didn't stay with me," the words he wanted weren't coming fast enough.

"What was that photo all about? You were obviously at The Haunt together," Kate's jealousy was overtaking the original argument.

Castle's anger refueled by it, "It was probably your boy Demming who took it and posted it on Twitter."

"What does Demming have to do with any of this?" Kate felt like Castle was deflecting.

"He was coming on to Morgan last night," Castle was attempting to clear up her accusation about the photo.

"Since when do you care who's hitting on Steele? What are you two dating now?" the jealousy blazed out of control; and it was ugly.

Castle's fury met it head on, "Well, since you refuse to wear my ring, there's not a wedding date in sight, and I'm not your fiancé but simply your escort, I guess that means I'm free to date whomever I please."

"So you admit you're attracted to Steele," Kate jumped on the last line of his tirade while closing the distance he had put between them to look him in the face.

"I didn't say that," Castle couldn't believe they were actually arguing over someone he had known for three days.

"Sure seems that way with you two spending your days and nights together," Kate knew when the words came out of her mouth that she was over dramatizing, but she couldn't help it; her emotions were in control.

"Steele stayed in the spare bedroom, just like you did on several occasions before we got together. Don't make such a big deal out of it," Castle was trying to dismiss the incident.

"Well, I know your track record with bimbos, Castle. Let's see there was Serena Kaye, Jacinda the flight attendant and let's not forget Kristina Coterra," Kate responded harshly.

"And I know yours with billionaires in expensive hotel rooms," Castle reacted with a moment he still hadn't completely managed to put away then added, "She's not a bimbo."

"What are you her hero?" jealousy raked through her as she fought to dismiss his reference to Vaughn from her mind.

"You have no idea what she's been through," Steele's story; what he knew of it played through him.

"I know enough to be concerned that she left DC with half her previous team dead," the words were out before she could stop them.

"How do you know about that?" he stared directly at her; puzzled.

"It's common knowledge in DC," she turned away from him so he couldn't see her face.

"You don't know anything about her," Castle was suspicious of her explanation.

Kate decided to steer Castle away from the subject before she gave anything else away. This wasn't the time to tell him about the file, "Castle, I want to know when you are coming home."

"I don't know. I'm committed to this case; I need to see it through," there was no uncertainty in his voice. He was about to tell her that Jordan Shaw had showed up with the news that they were dealing with a serial killer when Kate lashed out at him.

"You're not a cop, Castle. You're a writer," Kate reacted badly to his response, but not for the conclusion that he jumped to. She just wanted him to come back to DC with her, but couldn't manage to put together those exact words to tell him in the heat of the moment.

"You may not appreciate my skills as a detective, but others do. I was invited to consult on this case," he was more offended by her statement than hurt; maybe even too angry to be hurt.

"Did you ever stop to think that they only asked you to help because they feel sorry for you?" Kate wanted to take it back the moment it came out of her mouth.

"You know, maybe they do feel sorry for me. At least someone cares enough to notice that I'm not happy and actually try to do something about it," Castle's retort stung both of them.

"Can you honestly say you've tried to be happy in DC? Have you tried to make any friends? Introduced yourself to the neighbors? Gone out exploring the city for things that interest you? Do you know how much pressure it is knowing that all you do is wait for me to come home every night; relying on me for your moments of happiness. It's overwhelming. It makes me not want to come home, Rick," Kate's admission felt like she had just laid down a heavy burden that she didn't know she had been carrying.

Kate knew he had heard her; she could see it in his face as he turned the questions back on her, "What about you? Are you happy with the choices you made? Is the job everything you thought it would be? Do you wish you had said no to me that day at the swings so you could give it your undivided attention?"

Kate just stared at him; in shock that they were dragging out their mistakes and transgressions and using them to hurt one another. She couldn't figure out how they had ended up here or how to make it stop.

When Kate didn't answer any of his questions, Castle continued, "You were the one that told me huge bureaucracies can't function efficiently and here you are a cog in one of the biggest. When I met you, all you cared about was bringing justice to those who had it denied like you did; to those that found it out of their reach."

Kate couldn't respond; didn't have a response. What he was saying was true, but he didn't know everything that led her to take the DC job.

"Who are you getting justice for now? The rich and powerful who just get richer and more powerful with or without you there. Who do you work for now, Kate? It certainly isn't the victims," Castle seemed to run out of provocation and fell into the silence that Kate had found minutes before.

The answer he was seeking was one she knew he wouldn't like because she didn't like it either, "You want to know who I work for, Castle?"

He just stared at her waiting, "The senate committee in charge of my team is led by Bracken. So I guess you could say that I'm working for the man who killed my mother."

Of everything that had been said between them in the last few minutes, Castle found that to be the most disquieting; shocking; horrific even, "You're sure about this?"

Kate nodded crossing her arms over her chest; the vulnerability the admission elicited crashing into her, "Yes, I've been in several meetings where he was present and he was introduced as the new leader of the committee in charge of our funding."

"What are you doing? This man murdered your mother, killed Montgomery, had you shot and would do it again if he didn't think we had the file from Smith," Castle stared at her with incredulity as a dawning washed over him. "Are you going after him, Kate?"

"I made a decision and I am seeing it through," Kate's answer wide open to interpretation.

He was struggling to find a response to her admission when his phone rang. It was Steele.

Kate could see the name and the detective's photo on the screen, "You're not going to take that are you?"

"Castle," his voice was strained as he answered the phone; eyes locked with Kate's; emotions conflicted and rampant, "Where? I'll be there in ten minutes."

Kate watched and listened to his side of the conversation until he hung up. He looked at her with an expression that made no attempt to hide his intent, "You can't leave right now."

"Do you know what that sounds like coming from you?" he answered her evenly; eyes dropping away from her determined as he headed for the front door of the loft.

"Castle, where are we going?" Kate's voice was as desperate as she felt watching him walk away from her.

Unlike the first time she had asked him this question, he wasn't caught off guard, "I don't know right now, but I do know that if you're planning on going after Bracken again; that I'm no more willing to stick around this time than I was the last. And it is your life, Kate, you've established that on multiple occasions, but if you do this, don't come knocking on my door again afterwards because the next time I won't open it."

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Follow on Twitter at castleficlets:

Anger, disappointed, expected, this is who she is, prying, digging till she knows the truth. The ring, a symbol of his commitment, future, trust, home, it's everything. (Castle)

Curiosity, she needed to know, it is who she is, ingrained in her makeup, part of her. The ring, an oversight, mistake, nothing more nothing less, her actions, being with him, coming home, it's everything. (Beckett)

Like two ships in a storm, path distorted, navigation blurred by rain and waves, each seeking the same destination, a safe harbor, a port from the storm, home. (Caskett)


	15. Chapter 15

A/N – Angst meter – not a 10 not a 1 you be the judge. If you review give me a number! Just curious!

Join the madness and me on Twitter KJF3333

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Follow on Twitter at castleficlets

A crossroads, a true fork in the road, two paths, one bright, safe, leading to her future, a family, a home, the other dark, dangerous, clouded by a mist of vengeance, the one she will walk alone.

Devastated, her lies, deception, lack of trust, an unyielding desire for vengeance, if this is the path she chooses, love will not be enough.

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226 Miles

Chapter 15

The trip by cab to 45 West 54th went smoothly; far more so than Castle's conversation with Beckett. His thoughts were disorganized, telescoping in on one another; a mental free-for-all that from all appearances he was losing. He had to make a concerted effort to put everything that had been said on both sides of the argument away and focus on the business at hand.

There was no doubt that something was wrong at the upscale midtown address when Castle stepped from the cab to find himself in front of The Aristocrat, a 1949 architectural masterpiece tucked between the University Club and the Museum of Modern Art and its sculpture garden. The thirteen story 45 unit apartment building would not have been an easy drop location for the Humpty Dumpty killer to find an isolated moment or place to drop his latest offering. The building had a full time door man, balconies on the upper floors, and was within walking distance of Tiffany's, Bergdorf's and the Apple Store; it was midtown after all; one of the many parts of the city known to never really sleep.

"Castle," Steele called out waving him over to where she stood finishing up an interview. The officer standing sentry at the yellow crime scene tape lifted it high enough for him to easily duck under.

Ryan and Esposito were coming out the front door of the place just as Castle arrived next to Steele, "Well, don't you look pretty this evening," Esposito greeted him.

Kevin grinned at Espo's opening, but commented to Castle, "Nice suit, bro."

Deflection, a skill and his gift, "Clothes make the man, right?"

Steele wasn't fooled. Castle's smile was forced; jaw line taut, his eyes guarded. Something was up.

"Evening on the town with Beckett get interrupted?" Kevin asked unaware of the current volatility of the subject.

Castle's caustic quip escaped from him before he thought it through, "The evening with Beckett was over before it ever really got started."

"Whoa, bro, that doesn't sound good," Javi reacted as if there were more questions to come.

Steele intervened wanting to cut off a possible inquisition, "We're at a crime scene girls. If you're done figuring out who's the prettiest; mind if we get to it?"

Kevin and Javi looked at each other and chimed in unison, "I'm the prettiest."

Castle knew what Steele was up to and was grateful; the boys caught him giving her an extended look that said so. She smiled at him before turning away. The boys looked at each other willing to let the topic go; for now.

Kevin was the first to take the hint asking with obvious excitement, "Wanna see what he left us?"

"Judging from your expression, it has to be the head. The other arm wouldn't get you this torqued," Castle theorized.

"You're no fun, Castle," Kevin was deflated; his thunder stolen.

Castle looked around him, "How did he manage to make a daytime drop here?"

Espo hadn't lost any of his enthusiasm, "The doormen change shifts here at 8:00 PM. While they were inside going over tenant notes and issues, our friend apparently trotted right up to the door, leaned the head up against it and walked away."

"Bold move," Castle observed.

The screeching of tires drew the team's attention back toward the street. Jordan Shaw had arrived. "You called me first? I'm touched," Castle grinned at Steele rewarding a passive aggressive move that he could appreciate; calling him in before the Feds was priceless and it didn't hurt that it felt good.

Morgan's expression was mischievous as she watched Shaw's determined approach, "Didn't have Agent Shaw's number in my cell; took me a while to find it."

Esposito and Ryan stifled a laugh as Shaw joined the group, "I hear we have the head."

Steele's arms were crossed over her chest; eyes level and unemotional, "Yeah, he left it right up in front leaning against the door while the doormen were handling shift change."

"That indicates more than a casual knowledge of this place," Shaw announced needlessly. "Security cameras?"

Kevin had this one, "Yeah, the front door camera footage is being pulled now. Hopefully our guy isn't camera shy."

Steele's brow furrowed, "I wouldn't count on it, but who knows, we might get lucky."

Shaw shared her experience on the subject of luck and serial killers, "You'd be surprised just how many of these guys are caught by sheer dumb luck, detective."

"You know, Agent Shaw, I really wouldn't be," Steele's phone began to ring and she stepped away to take the call.

Shaw eyed Morgan a moment longer then turned her attention to Castle, "She remind you of anyone?"

Castle's eyes rested on Steele talking on the phone ten feet away, considering his response, "You know, she did at first."

Shaw's curiosity was peaked, "Not anymore?"

Castle's face clouded becoming difficult to read; even for Shaw, "No, not anymore."

The tone of Castle's voice let Shaw know that his participation in this particular conversation was over, so she moved on, "Where's the head?"

"Already on the way to the morgue," Kevin filled her in. "I doubt we'll have anything definite before morning. It wasn't in exactly the best shape."

Espo made a face, "That's an understatement, bro. The skin was all…ummm… saggy."

Shaw hid a smile beneath her FBI façade, "We refer to that as slippage detective; common in bodies that have been dead for more than a week and left unrefrigerated."

The face Espo made next was even worse, "Thanks for that; really, so didn't need to know that."

Kevin mentally high fived Shaw; eyes and grin coupled in amusement at Javi's discomfort; revenge so rare, but still sweet.

Steele rejoined the group flashing a DMV photo of a woman, "We just got a missing person's report on a forty three year old female by the name of Janine Preston. Age, height, eye and hair color are a match for our vic. She was last seen leaving work 10 days ago so the timeline matches. She's a tax attorney and full partner with Mears, Webber and Preston."

Kevin eyed the photo, "That could be our girl; hard to tell though."

"Ya think? Her forehead is down around her chin," Javi was still disturbed by the deteriorated condition of the head.

Shaw interrupted them wanting to get back to the missing person report, "Ten days and no one reported her missing? High profile job; you would think that someone would notice."

"That's the interesting part. Preston was supposed to be on vacation and was due back yesterday. When she didn't show up, the other partners did some checking and there is no record of her ever leaving the city more or less catching her flight to Aruba."

"Was she traveling alone?" Castle asked the obvious question.

"Yeah, unmarried, no kids; apparently takes off once a year to exotic locations by herself. According to the report, it was very much in character. The partners are waiting for us at the law offices. They want to help any way they can."

Shaw decided that it was as good a time as any to make a point with the new lead detective; New York might be Steele's turf, but this could be completely her case without even making a phone call, "Steele and I will talk to the partners at the law firm. Castle, why don't you and the boys canvass the building for witnesses then head to the morgue and see if you can get anything tonight that might solidify the ID?"

Castle's expression revealed the conflict Shaw's suggestion stirred in him. Chances were Kate would be at the morgue; old habits harder for her to break than most. Knowing he couldn't avoid the inevitable and it was childish to even try he gave in without argument, "Don't guess you guys are gonna let me drive when we go to the morgue."

"He's funny," Javi ignored Castle and addressed Kevin.

"I know, right?" Ryan then glanced at both of them grinning.

Steele watched the boys and Castle walk back into the building leaving her with Jordan Shaw, "I guess it's just the two of us, detective."

Jordan was watching Morgan carefully; not trying to hide her interest, "You profiling me, Agent Shaw?"

"I profile everyone. Occupational hazard," Shaw replied directly.

Steele never one to avoid confrontation that came looking for her asked, "What's your damage, Shaw?"

Jordan was impressed by Steele's candid approach to the tension between them, "No, damage, just like to know who I'm working with."

Steele's smile was laced with provocation, "I doubt there is very little I could tell you about myself that you don't already know."

"Fair enough," Shaw remained noncommittal on the veracity of her statement; a sign of respect. She did; however, have second thoughts about the earlier comparison she had made to Beckett; Steele had no qualms about confrontation; professional or personal it would seem.

"I think I'm the one who's operating at a disadvantage. You show up unannounced, insert yourself into my investigation; my team," Steele's tone was friendly; cool.

"Have you officially taken over this investigation?" Steele saw no need to change her tactics now.

Shaw paused briefly; weighing her words, "Not officially and I don't intend to unless at some juncture it becomes necessary."

"Now that is very un-FBI of you," Steele's smile had warmed a bit.

Shaw stared directly into Morgan's distinctively blue eyes, "Here's something you should know about me, detective." She stepped close enough to Steele where she wouldn't be overheard, "Castle and Beckett saved my ass last time we worked together."

"You have history with them," Steele acknowledged.

"I do and I have to admit that experience created a bond that makes me protective of them," Shaw's words were measured; careful.

Steele crossed her arms over her chest and shifted so her feet were shoulder's width apart, "That happens in our line of work. Not like it's a bad thing."

Shaw didn't miss Steele's squared up posture; not defensive, but immovable, "When I first met the two of them, I thought they were already together."

The only shift in Steele was the angle of her stare, "Your profile was wrong about them then?"

Shaw laughed faintly, "No, they were just fighting the inevitable; everyone could see it but them. My profiles; I'm almost never wrong."

"I'm going to assume you have a point Agent Shaw," Steele was wondering just how far she was willing to go.

"I do, as a matter of fact," Shaw told her evenly.

Steele cut her short; a wry grin slipping into place, "Is this where you tell me to stay away from Castle or else?"

Shaw chuckled, "I guess I could do that, but no."

Steele was surprised and it showed, "Really? Now I'm curious."

"Detective, I'm a realist; nothing terribly romantic or sentimental about me. I analyze human behavior for a living; looking for a single truth obscured by a hundred lies; for motivations that drive people to actions that might otherwise seem out of character. I think I'm pretty damn good at it."

"Your track record speaks to that," the right side of her mouth curled upward slightly.

Shaw nodded almost imperceptibly acknowledging Steele's admission to looking into her background; she had expected nothing less, "There's something between you and Castle; an attraction; a shared connection; something that makes you vulnerable to one another."

"Castle is engaged and I'm…," Steele didn't know how to finish the statement. She didn't know exactly what Jordan Shaw knew.

"Still recovering from the tragedy that hit your team in DC," Shaw didn't want her to feel compelled to explain or go into unnecessary detail.

She nodded, not trusting her voice to remain steady enough to answer out loud; thoughts of Jack; their last conversation; her parting words; those moments watching that house burn with him buried beneath it.

"Look I'm just telling you that if I can see it; others won't be far behind," Shaw had an idea that the wedge driving Castle and Beckett apart was most likely a three letter acronym and not Morgan Steele, but that didn't mean she wasn't a threat in the form of a choice; an out; an escape.

"I'm not looking to get involved with anyone right now; particularly with someone who is engaged to be married," Steele's tone was flat, but her eyes were a storm front.

"Isn't that the way it usually happens, Morgan? When you least expect or want it," Shaw turned away from Steele heading for her SUV having made her point; one she wouldn't revisit. "Text me the address. I'll meet you there."

Steele continued to watch Shaw briefly before heading to her own car; the words of advice looking for a place to land in Morgan's head. Shaw hadn't been wrong; there was something between her and Castle; there had been from the moment they met in the morgue. Denial had kept it quietly suppressed in Steele's subconscious up to this point, but that was no longer an option; Shaw had just seen to that. She didn't know what was happening with the couple, but one thing Steele did know was that coming between them, even unintentionally, could have the drastic consequence of derailing her fresh start at the 12th and that was something Morgan couldn't allow to happen. Just below the surface of her confident exterior was fear; the kind that warned that this was it; her one last shot to get some semblance of a life back after it was gutted as completely as the house she watched burn that day; a shot she had taken while vanished in the darkness of loss and grief; a shot she couldn't afford to miss.

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The door to the loft startled Kate; turning toward it, hope momentarily teased that just maybe he had come back, "Castle?"

"Kate?" Alexis' voice drifted to her from the entry way as she stood in silhouette in front of the living room window. The loft had settled into contrasting shades of darkness; the sun having fully disappeared behind her; the city lights the only source of illumination; a perfect place for Kate to hide.

"Where's my dad?" Alexis asked realizing immediately that something was wrong.

She could just make out the shake of Kate's head, "He's not here."

Stepping further into the room, the young woman could almost touch what had transpired there. Anger, accusation, frustration and hurt a present entity; suffocating in its density and scope.

Kate swiped at the tears she had been unable to keep from falling as she stepped away from the window and toward the center of the room; the deep shadows she found there offering some cover, "I don't know when he's coming back."

Alexis could hear strangled emotion in the thickness of Kate's voice, "What happened?"

Kate's knuckle went to her lips; her first impulse to avoid, evade, deflect, but she answered, "We had a fight. He walked out."

Alexis had stumbled into a moment more than five years in the making. She and Kate; the other woman in her father's life were finally face to face, no buffers in the form of her father or grandmother to run interference. At issue the only thing that connected them to one another. There was no doubt in her mind that whatever happened next would provide the context for their future relationship; their moment of truth had arrived how moments like this usually do; without warning, "Are you alright?"

"No, not really," Kate couldn't muster the energy it would take to lie.

"Is he?" Alexis tried pushing her concern for her father out of her mind, but couldn't.

Kate seemed to become slightly more present with the question, "He was upset when he left, but he was okay."

"Do you know where he went?" Alexis had her own guess and it included scotch.

"The precinct called. There was a break in the case," Kate was finding it easier to see; her eyes adjusting to the diminished light in the room.

"Detective Steele?" Alexis tracked Kate's expression now that she could see it.

Teeth clenched involuntarily; defining her angular profile, "You've met her?"

"I have," Alexis confirmed.

Kate's eyes sought out hers, "What did you think of her?"

Alexis knew what Kate was really trying to ask, but wasn't, "She's a lot like you actually."

Pursing her lips together tightly, Kate garnered a second to think, "Your dad seems to like her."

"Seems to, yeah," Alexis was waiting for Kate to commit to a vein for the conversation to take.

"Do I have anything to worry about?" Kate's emotional state nudged her into asking.

There it was; the conduit to a real connection that Alexis had been wondering if Kate would allow to open, "That question tells me that you think so."

Kate sank down on to the couch, elbows on her knees and her face in her hands, "Things between your dad and me haven't been easy lately."

"Since the move?" Alexis pushed her to clarify not having shifted from her position a few feet away.

"The job, the move, the engagement," Kate's tone said that was only part of a longer list. "I keep hoping he'll just get used to DC and our new life there."

"You mean get used to new things like wearing an engagement ring?" Alexis dropped the dynamite laden rhetorical question between them.

Kate looked at her ring finger; balled her hand into a fist then stretched her fingers out again, "I forgot the ring at home."

"You mean in DC?" Alexis had a hard time thinking of DC as her dad's home. He was a New Yorker; always would be.

Kate's defense hadn't worked with Castle in regards to the ring and she doubted that it would with his daughter either, "He was really upset about it."

"The earrings are beautiful," Alexis' comment made it clear she knew the significance of them in relation to the ring.

"I'm just not used to wearing it all the time yet," an excuse slipped out; the tension making her careless.

Alexis made a choice. She was either all in on this conversation or she wasn't, "You know sometimes people try and get used to the wrong things."

Kate looked up from her hands, "What do you mean?"

Alexis drew closer, "Just because you are able to do something for a while, even a long time, doesn't mean it was the right thing. Like when Ash and I tried to do the long distance thing."

Kate felt the first twinge of defensiveness, "Coming to DC with me was your father's choice."

The turn in the conversation Alexis had been waiting for came suddenly, "Even when given a choice; sometimes it's still a lose-lose proposition; leaving you to decide which option will exact the lowest price."

"Is that what you think he did?" she wanted to know.

Alexis hesitated, "I think he loves you enough to have done it without questioning what it would mean in the long run for him. All he knew was he didn't want to lose you, so he gave up everything to keep it from happening."

Kate's expression was pained, "He was desperate."

"Of course he was," Alexis watched Kate processing her words.

"And now he's having second thoughts?" Kate asked and answered her own question.

"What are you prepared to do about it?" Alexis' heart had begun to pound as years full of emotion about her father's relationship with Kate surfaced.

The question was one that Kate had been asking herself, "It's complicated."

Her anger flashed, "When has it not been complicated between you two? You seem to forget that I've been right here too for the last five years watching this thing play out."

"I know you have," Kate validated her words; it was all she could do.

"Do you know how hard it has been for me to sit back and watch him want you for so many years; get close only to lose you to other men, misunderstandings, a bullet and now a job?" Alexis didn't hold back; that time had passed.

"You know there's more to it than that," Kate argued.

"You both keep telling me that. What I don't understand is if it is so complicated, why are you still doing it?" finally, she had asked it; the question that had plagued her about them for years.

"Alexis, there's so much that you don't know," Kate wanted to help her understand, but she didn't know how.

"Do you love him?" Alexis demanded.

"What?" Kate was tossed off balance by the question.

Alexis stressed each word, "Do you love him?"

"Yes, I love him, desperately," Kate answered without hesitation.

"Then choose him," she made it sound so easy; so obvious.

"It's not that simple," Kate whispered; her heart siding with Alexis while her mind stood defiantly in opposition.

Alexis felt sorry for her, "Yes Kate, it is that simple. Always has been."

"There are other considerations involved," she insisted her thoughts chasing one after another; her career, her future, Bracken.

"They only matter if they mean more to you than he does," a matter of fact tone filled with conviction flowed confidently from Alexis.

Kate was listening; really listening and Alexis was grateful for that. She wasn't sure that it was going to make any difference in the outcome for them, but she had to finish with what was in her heart, "Kate, if those considerations you mentioned are more important to you than my dad, you need to do the right thing."

Kate's mind resisted what was coming, "The right thing?"

"You need to let him go," Alexis' voice was gentle; no judgment; she wasn't lashing out; just asking her to make a choice that would grant him release from the limbo where he currently waited.

"How could I ever do that?" Kate's eyes filled with tears battling to hold them back.

"You'd do it because you love him and you can't stand to see him like he is right now anymore than I can," Alexis' explanation was devastating in its truth and selflessness.

"How do I know I'm making the right choice?" Kate finally voiced the question that had been battering away at her for weeks.

Alexis smiled weakly, "You don't. You just have to commit to it and live with the consequences; good and bad. The only real mistake would be to wait so long you lose the opportunity to make it."

Kate stood and stared into blue eyes that were a mirror to his, "Morgan Steele?"

Alexis didn't blanch from the directness of her gaze or the question, "I'm not going to lie. If you were out of the picture; there might be something there, but Kate she's not the threat you need to be most concerned about."

Clearly surprised Kate asked her, "Then what is?"

"My dad. I know him and I've never seen him in so deep or willing to go so far for anyone; not ever, but even he has his limits," Alexis' words served in duality as both advice and warning.

Kate reached for Alexis and pulled her into an embrace; one reflective of a deeper bond than the one they had when the conversation had begun, "How'd you get so grownup and wise?"

Alexis softly laughed as she considered her answer, "I've had a great role model; not perfect by the world's standards by any means, but perfect for me."

"And lucky for me," Kate managed a wistful smile.

"I'm gonna go. He'll be back soon and maybe you two can work this out; make some decisions," Alexis wasn't sure that he really would be, but wanted to offer some encouragement.

Kate walked with her to the door, "I'm glad we got to talk."

"Me too," Alexis pulled the door open and turned back to Kate, "It's been a long road, Kate. I want you to know that no matter what you decide, I'll be rooting for you."

The door closed behind her leaving Kate alone in the darkness of the loft once again. She returned to the window where she had been standing when Alexis arrived. Gazing down on the street below, she saw her hail and step into a cab.

Castle wouldn't be back, at least not for a while; the case and his anger would see to that. Acceptance was sinking in; she couldn't have both; the AG job and Castle were mutually exclusive. The dance was over; the music had stopped; all that was left was what would happen next and nothing surprised her more than the realization that the answer rested where it always had; with her, then, now and ALWAYS.

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Follow on Twitter at castleficlets

She has been sitting on the sidelines, watching the heartbreak, time and time again; desperate to see what he sees, judge without the cloud of resentment, a burning desire, to just understand.


	16. Chapter 16

**_A/N – delayed update – this one was tough – Angst Warning (duh, it's me)._**

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**_Her life, future, a sacrifice must be made, the choice between dark and light, vengeance, love, the lure of both, threatening to pull her apart, destroy them, a choice, time is slipping away. (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)_**

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226 Miles

Chapter 16

The canvass of the Aristocrat took longer than the guys had anticipated, but did turn up a witness who had seen an unfamiliar face lurking around the building over a period of days. The tenant was in her sixties and agreed to visit the precinct and sit with a sketch artist the following day. Other than that, the forty-five doors Castle and the boys knocked on gave them little more than sore knuckles.

The morgue; however, was a different story. Much to Castle's relief, Beckett was not there when they arrived and from Lanie's reaction to him, nor had she been earlier, "Well, look at you Castle. Hot date with Beckett tonight?"

Javi was behind Castle's right shoulder shaking his head at Lanie warning her off the subject. Lanie being Lanie, she forged ahead, "Okay, what did you do now?"

Castle's expression mirrored his words, "Why do you think it's my fault?"

"Because it usually is," Lanie had the victim's head on the examination table; gloved hands holding it in place.

Kevin decided to run interference this time, "Shaw wanted us to see if you could make a positive ID tonight."

"Shaw as in Agent Shaw?" Lanie hadn't known she was on the case.

"One and the same," Castle confirmed.

"Does that mean what I think I does?" Lanie knew there were very few reasons Shaw would be back at the 12th.

Javi took his turn, "The Humpty Dumpty killer is a serial."

Lanie stared hard at him, "Humpty Dumpty? Really?"

"I felt the same way at first, but it actually kind of fits. The guy hacks the victim up and then drops the parts off around the city in the shape of a human body. Sort of like he is trying to put them back together," Castle couldn't believe he was actually defending Javi's macabre yet oddly appropriate name for their killer.

"You three are not right," Lanie didn't argue with Castle, but made her opinion about the moniker clear before she was suddenly all business, "I took the DMV information Steele emailed and compared what I could to our victim. I'm still waiting on dental records, but I'm almost certain that this is Janine Preston."

"So we have a probable ID on our victim?" Castle questioned in clarification.

"All of the particulars match; age, hair and eye color and estimated height and weight line up as well," Lanie confirmed before adding, "There's something else; on the back of the neck there is a distinctive burn pattern."

Kevin blurted out a guess, "Taser?"

Lanie nodded, "That's most likely how she was subdued; at least initially."

"This guy isn't leaving much to chance," Javi concluded.

Castle was about to join the conversation when he received a text; it was Steele, "Guys, we got a new missing person; fits the profile. We need to get back."

"Thanks, Lanie," Castle was following the boys out the door.

"Hey, Castle," Lanie called out to him as he had feared that she would. He had hoped to avoid having a conversation about Kate, but now didn't have much of a choice.

Javi and Kevin turned back too; looking first from Castle, to Lanie and finally resting on Castle with sympathetic eyes that looked like they wished they could actually offer him some kind of life line, "We'll wait for you outside, bro."

Castle's eyes shifted to troubled; the strain returning to his expression as he turned to face her. "It's been a long week," he offered almost defensively.

Lanie covered the head with a towel and took a few steps toward Castle, her face full of concern, "I can tell that whatever happened tonight, it wasn't good."

"I was actually expecting to find her here," Castle leaped ahead in the conversation; no real mystery where it was headed.

"I haven't heard from her, but it seems to me that you need to get home and talk this out while you two are still in the same zip code," Lanie's advice seemed to bounce right off of him.

Emotion flashed with the memory of their argument, "Believe me, we talked."

Lanie was observing him carefully, "Well, buried somewhere in all of that talking is your answer."

"Answer?" Castle wasn't sure what was being implied.

"Castle, whatever you two are doing isn't working," Lanie offered gently.

"That's an understatement," he averted his eyes briefly.

"Look, I'm no relationship expert, but I do know happiness when I see it," there was a sudden softness to her tone and it was reflected in her eyes.

"You think I'm happy?" Castle couldn't imagine where she got that impression.

Lanie chuckled, "I see glimpses of the happy Castle I used to know when you are with the boys, buried in this case, at a book release party with family and friends; I even see it when you're with Steele."

Castle's attention flicked back to Lanie; he looked almost angry, "There's nothing going on with Steele."

"I believe that, but there is something between you and I don't think Detective Steele is the kind of woman who'll take four years to let you know she's interested," Lanie's observations were just that.

She took in a deep breath, "Castle, you and Kate have incredible chemistry and I know you love one another."

"But maybe our timing is just never going to be right?" his voice was quiet, but firm.

Lanie gave him a signature eyebrow raise, "What it boils down to is wanting the same things; you have to in a life that is shared."

"I don't feel like we have a shared life; I'm just existing in hers," his hand raked through his hair in frustration; overcome with the urge to move.

"That enough for you?" Lanie didn't think so.

"I went with her to DC because I wanted more," Castle figured at some point Kate had told her the whole story of the proposal.

"What are you going to do?" true caring permeated her question.

"I can't keep doing this," a sense of resignation she had never heard from him before when it came to Kate was present in his voice.

Lanie might not know exactly what had happened to put it there, but she recognized it when she heard it, "There's more to this than a fight."

Castle's head jerked up to meet her gaze.

"Whatever it was changed things for you?" Lanie could see that it had.

Castle recalled the look on Kate's face; the one she had when finally telling him the truth. This new job; the one he had sacrificed himself for, was merely an avenue to Bracken for her. A secret brought into the light only when backed into a corner; just like all the others; a charade that would cease only when one of them was dead.

His response reflected none of that, "Changed my perspective."

Lanie's concern swelled; his words, tone; the resignation all left her not knowing what to say to him.

His facial expression let her know that he didn't intend to reveal anything else, "I have to go."

Watching him disappear through the door and hearing the boy's voices as he joined them, Lanie had to wonder just what had transpired between the couple that left Castle rethinking his current path; a path once singular and responsive to them both; now diverging in ways that threatened to separate them; always.

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Castle and Steele were at her desk in the precinct; she sat leaning back in her chair gazing up at him; admiring eyes that withheld and hid nothing. He sat perched on the edge of the desk; intimately close to her; his left foot resting on the seat of the chair between her slightly parted thighs; fingers of hands that rested on the desk lightly laced. Javi and Kevin rolled up clapping Castle on the back; they had plans.

Castle reached for Steele's hand; pulled her to her feet and into his arms; holding her against his side where he was still seated. Her arm draped his shoulder; wrapping around his neck; the other hand rested lightly on his chest. There was a diamond ring on her left hand. She slid her thumb across the smoothness of it turning it in practiced orbit; a habit; one she had developed the day he had placed it on her finger and had never taken it off. A band of platinum gleamed from the hand Castle had slipped possessively around her waist. He looked up into a mesmerizing storm of blue; eyes like none he had ever seen; she dropped her mouth to his lips; kissed him, letting him know with every touch, look, word; that he was what mattered.

The men grabbed their jackets as Lanie and Jenny joined them, Castle helped Steele into hers and left his hand to rest in the small of her back as the couples worked their way toward the elevator. The ease with which they interacted generated a warm hum that emanated outward; camaraderie; friendship; a deep interconnectedness. Castle's hand sought and found Steele's seamlessly; needing to feel her skin with his and used it to pull her more completely into his space. Stepping into the elevator; hands still clasped, they turned toward one another. His free hand reached for her face; gently caressing; her head tilted slightly toward him; lips parting in expectation. As their mouths met, their eyes closed in concert with the elevator doors.

A curtain of blackness dropped on the scene blocking out all light. Kate could hear yelling; gunshots; running. The door in front of her was jammed shut. She kicked it ferociously; rage and adrenalin coursing through her veins; nothing mattered more than getting through that door. The payoff was on the other side; the loss; the sacrifice; the toll so incredibly high. Each time she kicked the barrier it gave just enough to keep her from giving up. Her gun felt heavy in her hand; sweat dripping down the sides of her neck into her shirt.

The door splintered; her foot breaking through before the lock gave way. One shot and the deadbolt shattered the wood around it as it blew free from the door leaving it gaping open. He was afraid; eyeing the barrel pointed at his skull. She stepped into the room; everything she had ever dreamed about this day would come to pass with a single shot. She could see it in his eyes; he would not beg for his life. As her finger tightened on the trigger, her thoughts were not of the impending collision of the two warriors set on this course so many years before by events that took place in a darkened alley, but of the man who should have been her husband; father of her children; her partner in life. In her moment of triumph; of vengeance; of greatest weakness, all she could do was whisper his name.

"Castle," Kate was avulsed from her dream; a sliding door of possibility. Light poured through the living room window where she had fallen asleep on the couch; shining down without flinching; burning away any confusion she might still harbor regarding the choice before her.

It was really early and Kate was still dressed from last night. She had awakened with clarity of purpose; the dream leaving no question what she had to do. She needed a shower, change of clothes, and two coffees along with the fearlessness to truly put his needs before her own and resolute determination to see it through.

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The long night at the precinct seemed anything but. From the moment Castle, Ryan and Esposito stepped from the elevator they were inundated. Another woman had gone missing; number two in the predicted pattern of four that would occur before the killer would simply disappear for another two years. Unlike their last victim whose abduction had gone unnoticed for over a week, this time they caught a break; Petra Morales had only been missing a few hours from the parking garage at her place of work. Her car had been left running with the door ajar which eventually attracted the attention of other drivers entering and leaving the structure resulting in a call to the local police.

On instinct, Steele had put out a memo to all precincts across the city asking that any abduction or attempted abduction of adult females be reported to the 12th immediately; a move responsible for bringing Morales to their attention so quickly.

There was a crowd of FBI and NYPD gathered around Steele and Shaw as they gave their briefing, "Petra Morales is a thirty-eight year old pediatrician at New York Presbyterian Hospital. She was last seen ten hours ago after completing her surgical rounds. She is single; has an eight year old daughter who lives with her along with the grandmother; no boyfriend that we know of."

Shaw stepped up to the high tech interactive murder board, "Our victim is on the clock people. All the previous victims have been killed within the first twenty-four hours of abduction. We've got video for the first time of our guy making a body part drop and an eye witness who spotted him around the Aristocrat multiple times over the last week. The lives of Petra Morales and Janine Preston are being analyzed using a new comparison matrix. If there is a connection, we'll find it."

"I freaking love this high tech stuff. I don't guess we have a budget for anything like this," Steele whispered to Javi and Kevin as Castle walked up.

Shaw stepped away from the board and toward Steele who had remained nearby listening to the end of the briefing, "Steele, why don't you and Castle interview the witness from the Aristocrat before sending her off with the sketch artist. Who knows, you might get something useful." Steele nodded; met Castle's gaze and they left the room together.

Shaw smiled wryly at the boys; Kevin spoke up "Let me guess; interviews and statements from the friends and family of Ms. Morales?"

"Always such a pleasure working with this team; so intuitive," Shaw was almost completely out the door before she got the last word out.

"Did you really have to say that?" Javi was irritated.

"That's what she was going to tell us to do anyway," Kevin feigned defensiveness, but couldn't suppress a grin.

"You don't know that," Javi announced walking out the door himself clearly irritated.

"Yes, I do," Kevin followed him determined to convince him he was right.

When Steele entered the interrogation room, she was greeted cordially by Mrs. Irma Watkins. At sixty-eight years of age, Irma considered herself a lifer at the Aristocrat having lived there from the time she married in 1966 to the present. She had dressed formally for her visit to the precinct with gloves and hat removing both as she sat in her chair at the table sipping from a bottle of water.

Castle entered the room seconds later with two coffees; his eyes met Steele's briefly eliciting a smile in thanks. He handed her one of the cups while introducing him to their witness, "Mrs. Watkins, this is Richard Castle. He'll be joining us for this interview. I think we are ready to get started."

Irma's focus was completely on Castle, "Is this your young man, detective?"

Steele had been taking a sip of her coffee and almost spilled it; eyes flicking to Castle; he was grinning, "No, Mr. Castle is my colleague," she hesitated still looking at him, "my partner." Castle's quick grin confirmed that he was happy with her description of their relationship.

Irma scrunched her face up as if amused, "Is that what you kids are calling it now?"

Castle and Steele decided to let Irma believe what she wanted to allowing Steele to get right to the point. "Mrs. Watkins, how many times would you say that you saw this man around the building?" Steele asked pulling her chair around to sit beside the witness rather than across from her hoping to keep her stress level at a minimum.

"Lurking. That man has been lurking around the Aristocrat. I told Davis about it several times," Irma sat primly with her hands folded neatly in her lap, but her smile was definitely for Castle.

"Davis?" Steele glanced at Castle.

"Davis is the daytime doorman," Castle followed Steele's lead and sat down on the other side of the witness.

Irma smiled at him warmly; eyes twinkling and locked on Castle; appraising him, "That's right."

Steele was amused; Irma had a crush, "So you saw him three times? Four?"

Irma's stare was starting to make Castle squirm, "Oh, more than that detective. I would say I saw him every day for at least a week."

Castle's eyes met Steele's over Irma's shoulder; she sat back in her chair ready to be entertained and gave him the go ahead with the interview, "Can you describe the man for me, Irma."

She smiled and reached out and patted Castle's hand. Steele's own hand covered her mouth and the smile behind it; Castle had set his face in a mask of seriousness, "Of course, I can. I may be old, but my eyes are still good as long as I'm wearing my glasses."

"Were you wearing your glasses when you saw the man?" Castle tried to ascertain how accurate they could expect her description to be.

"I always wear my glasses. I wouldn't want to miss anything good," Irma's flirty tone made it further onto Castle's radar.

"Can you tell us what you remember about the man," Steele interjected a question seeing that Irma's obvious infatuation had caused Castle to hesitate with one of his own.

"Well, he was shorter than blue eyes over here," she answered not showing any signs of tiring of Castle.

"How much shorter?" Steele was overly amused, but hanging on to her composure.

"How tall are you handsome?" Irma leaned in toward him resting her hand on his thigh.

"I'm, uhhh, I'm six foot one," Castle's voice squeaked slightly as he jerked himself to standing; chair scraping the floor as it slid back; his goal clumsily met; getting away from Irma's wandering hand.

Steele was barely holding it together; eyes full of mischief; tenuously maintaining an even tone of voice, "Irma, what do you think? How much shorter is the man you saw than our handsome friend?"

"He was at least four inches shorter," Irma sounded confident in her guess. That one answer seemed to get her thoughts moving forward, "He was white, about thirty years old, clean shaven with short blonde hair."

Castle was determined to get back in the interview; this time keeping some distance between him and Irma, "Is there anything you remember about the man that might make him stand out in a crowd? Any tattoos? Scars?"

"I bet you stand out in a crowd. Have we met somewhere before?" Luckily Irma had her back to Steele and she didn't see her face finally break with silent laughter.

"Mr. Castle writes mystery novels," Steele offered unable to resist fueling the Irma loves Castle fire.

"That's where I know you from. Are you the inspiration for the Nikki Heat character?" Irma asked having refocused on Steele.

"Whoa, no, that's not me," Steele objected. It was Castle's turn to be amused.

Irma got up from her seat since she was the only one still sitting, "If you say so."

Steele motioned toward the door; Javi stepped into the room, "Detective Esposito is going to walk you over to visit with a sketch artist to see if we can construct a picture of the man you saw."

Irma looked back at Castle, "Is he coming with us?"

Castle's horrified expression almost tore the laugh free that Steele was barely holding in, "No, I'm afraid Mr. Castle has work to do here, but why don't you stop by on your way out and say goodbye to him." Steele had her back to Castle, but she could feel his eyes boring into her.

Irma looked slightly disappointed, but only slightly as she set her sights on Espo, "Now what's your name again detective?"

After the interrogation room door shut, Steele started laughing and laughing hard, "I think you have an admirer."

He still looked appalled, "That elderly woman felt me up."

Steele laughed harder, "Do you want to file a complaint, Castle?"

"It's not that funny, Steele," Castle couldn't help it; he laughed at first because she was laughing, and then because she was right; it was funny.

Castle perched on the end of the table; Steele watching as his smile broadened and lit up his face, "That was priceless."

"I'm glad you were amused watching a literal sex crime take place right in front of you," he gave up feigning offense; giving in to the lightness of the moment.

"I have to say, that has to be the best laugh I have had in months," Steele's smile dimmed momentarily; her thoughts drifting somewhere else; to the last day she had really been happy.

Castle noticed the change as the moment passed through her, "Comic relief; that's what I'm here for."

As they were discussing Irma Watkins's unrequited crush on Castle, another conversation had begun on the other side of the mirror, "Special Agent Beckett, didn't expect to run into you here."

Kate turned from the one way glass to meet Jordan Shaw's gaze, "Likewise. When did you drop in on their case?"

"Yesterday." Shaw didn't feel the need to add any details unless Kate asked for them.

Jordan settled in next to her; arms crossed; eyes on the pair on the other side of the glass, "I hear congratulations are in order. I told you my profiles are rarely wrong."

Kate glanced at Shaw and then returned her focus to the glass, "We haven't set a date."

Recognizing Kate's response as a spontaneous utterance brought on by stress, Shaw replied, "Feeling a little guilty about that are you?"

Kate managed to avoid answering that question when she caught Jordan's eyes glancing at her left hand, "Okay, I know I'm a horrible person. I forgot my engagement ring in DC."

Shaw's eyes widened in surprise, but she determined it was best not to comment, "How is DC?"

Kate pulled her eyes from Castle and Steele, "Honestly, the transition has been tougher than I thought it was going to be."

"The job is tougher or dealing with the impact it's having on your personal life is tougher?" Shaw led Kate's eyes back through the window with her own.

"Both I guess; some issues have come up since I took the job; things Castle didn't know until recently," Kate's thoughts were buried beneath her words; there was no way she could tell her that the man who was responsible for her mother's murder was the driving force behind her team.

"Did I ever tell you that when I first joined the FBI, my goal was to be the youngest bureau chief in the history of the organization," Shaw and Kate kept their eyes forward.

"That changed along the way?" Kate inquired.

Shaw nodded, "It did when I realized that bureau chief was a job that would require one hundred percent dedication three hundred and sixty-five days a year."

"Leaving nothing of you for your husband and daughter," Kate filled in the obvious blanks.

"Jobs like that don't discriminate by gender, Kate; they self destruct the personal life of anyone who takes them on by their very definition," Shaw explained having watched it happen more times than she cared to admit.

"Like the one I have now?" Kate really was interested in Jordan's opinion.

"Only you can answer that," Shaw answered honestly.

"You ever regret turning it down?" her own fears peeked through the question.

"Not for a second," Shaw's sincerity caught Kate's focus; eyes falling on her profile briefly before turning away.

Castle and Steele still remained in the interrogation room; they were alone. He was sitting on the edge of the table with his foot in the chair; she was standing in front of him; laughing hysterically; tears streaming. Castle absently reached out and wiped one away from her cheek with his thumb; she leaned toward his hand in response; a reflex. She backed away; inserting physical space as an emotional barrier. As his hand dropped to his side, Castle's face registered the intimacy of another moment having risen without provocation between them; this time though was different, they had an audience, "What's your profile say about those two?"

Jordan Shaw never was one to shy from the truth; even for a friend, "If this was my first time at the 12th, I would have asked them how long they've been sleeping together."

Kate held her reaction beneath the surface; a challengeless task since Jordan's impression came as no surprise to her, "Maybe she would be better for him."

Shaw had offered her advice gratis and the profile upon request intending to leave Kate with her thoughts, "Better for him or simpler for you?"

Kate didn't answer; didn't even look at her, "Keep doing whatever it is that's driving him toward her and you just might find out."

With Shaw gone, Kate's synapses flooded abruptly with the dream; minute details from her subconscious finding their match in the present; in the very room she used to consider home. Castle sitting on the table; his foot in the chair; hand going to Steele's face; their ease of communication; so much of it was there. In contrast and compelling in its own right; the lure of Bracken; one last chance to take him down; to make him pay for the lives he had stolen. A man who wasn't far from untouchable now, but most certainly would be should he ever become president.

Steele and Castle caught her attention as they headed for the door leading Kate to do the same. When they entered the hallway, Steele saw Kate first. Castle saw her next; the laughter dropping from his voice, "Beckett."

"Hey, Castle," she was leaning against the doorframe; oddly relaxed.

"Sorry I didn't make it home last night. Things here got crazy," Castle defaulted to explanation mode.

"I figured when I arrived and realized Shaw and her people are involved," Kate responded; her eyes moving over Steele before traveling back to Castle.

"I'm going to give you two a minute," Steele left them and the tension filled moment together.

"You been there long?" Castle asked looking her directly in the eye.

"Long enough," she answered intently watching his face.

"I guess it's time we talked," it was a simple admission of unavoidable fact.

"Yeah, I guess it is," she acknowledged.

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" Castle looked into her in that way only he ever had.

Kate smiled at him; knowing who he was; her writer boy; charming as always, "Let's get out of here."

They began walking toward and then through the bullpen in answer. Every eye in the room tracking them as they passed; a déjà vu nod to days not so far gone. Beckett and Castle heading to the elevator together; just like old times with one small exception; they were holding hands.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N – Summer is officially over for me – Back to school. :- ( Decided that I will try and post more often with shorter chapters. That way it's less stressful for all. **_

_**Follow me on Twitter at KJF3333 – I post update estimates, update direct links, sneak quotes of upcoming chapters and generally have a great time with other Castle fanatics. Come join the fun. **_

226 Miles Chapter 17

The smell of coffee; familiar; reassuring; a way to connect; drifted on the midmorning air as Castle and Beckett exited the 12th. No words required; just knowing glances; they approached the street vender; Castle ordered for them. Kate gently rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand until he reluctantly pulled it away to pay for their order.

He handed her the cup; their fingers brushed; hesitated; warmth spreading through them both before the first sip; "Let's walk."

Kate nodded; reaching to reclaim his free hand; needing the physical connection; a surrogate for the emotional one they were lacking. Castle set the pace; it was moderate, reflective of anxiety; apprehension, yet each step felt deliberate; reflective of the weight behind it, "I didn't realize that Shaw was involved in your case."

Castle hazarded a glance at Kate whose gaze was locked in front of her, obviously not ready to dive into the why of their conversation, "Serial killers and Jordan Shaw; rare to find one without the other. You two talk?"

"Yeah, we did. She was in the observation room with me for a while," Castle quickly checked Kate's face alert for any guile behind the comment; he found none.

"Kate, I don't know what you think you saw…" Castle's voice faded to silence.

She squeezed his hand; he looked at her, worried and feeling a little bit guilty, "It's okay, Castle." The look on her face supported the words, so he backed away from the moment with Steele.

"What did she say?" he had a feeling that whatever it was; it was direct.

Kate took a long sip of her coffee; leaned into his shoulder; bumping him gently, "We talked about the job; its demands; the cost."

Castle's brow furrowed; unsure of Shaw's take on the situation, "Anything strike a chord?"

"She said that some things are mutually exclusive; they don't go together no matter how much you might want them to," Kate's focus was still not on what had happened between them in the loft the night before.

Seeing the conversation as a starting point to get to the real issues at hand; Castle followed letting her lead, "Like your career and us."

"Like this particular job and us," Kate clarified.

He wasn't sure why the distinction mattered at this point as long as she was in DC and he wanted to be in New York, "What are you saying?"

Kate breathed in deeply as they stopped to wait for the crosswalk light to change, "That I know the move to DC changed things for us; between us."

The signal turned green; they stepped into the street; their steps mirrors of one another; hands still clasped providing a bridge for their emotions, "Do you really? I thought I was alone in that sentiment."

"I may be single minded about things sometimes, Castle, but I'm not blind," there was a slight lift in her voice; a smile waiting behind her lips.

He smiled hoping to see hers break through for a moment; in spite of where the conversation was probably headed, "Just so we're clear; you said it; not me." Kate's smile hit him hard; his heart ached as he realized how rarely she looked at him like that anymore.

"I'm sorry I missed the book launch. I should have been there," the shift in topic took them closer to where they needed to be.

"I should have waited for you the night of the cocktail party," though veiled, it was an apology.

They looked up at the same time; realizing where they were. It hadn't been planned where this conversation would take place, but something in them knew that there was only one choice.

The black iron fence that surrounded the park was all that separated them from the swings. They could see them. They were empty; drifting; swaying back and forth in an almost imperceptible breeze. Their eyes met; they stood immobile as if something was keeping them from entering their place.

"Things can't go on the way they are," Kate was finally there.

Castle picked at the lid of his empty coffee cup, "I agree."

"Something has to give," Kate's voice was barely a whisper.

"It does," his response was so soft that if she hadn't been looking into his face, she might have missed it.

"I know what you see in her; what everyone sees," Kate turned the conversation to Steele. He had been waiting.

"Kate, there's nothing going on between us," Castle found her eyes; needing to reassure her of that truth.

She let him see that she knew, "I know that, Castle, but there could be."

"No, there couldn't," he argued wanting her words to be a lie.

Kate reached out and touched his face; moving close to him where his only choice was to look at her, "If we weren't together, would you feel differently?"

"That question doesn't even merit an answer. We are together; we're getting married," Castle followed his gut reaction; to push back against the implications in her words.

"So you are going to deny there's an attraction," Kate put it out there as a statement.

"No more than you were attracted to Vaughn," Castle lashed out; hurt by the truth of both situations; so similar; so telling.

"I wasn't sure where you stood then and you aren't sure about me now," Kate sketched out the details as she saw them.

Castle turned away from her; grasping the iron fence with both hands, "How could you keep the fact that you are working for Bracken from me?"

"I wasn't keeping it from you; I was dealing with it myself first," Kate explained her way of doing things.

The explanation angered him; he knew her ways better than anyone; how they shut him out; left him floundering for answers, "When you took the job, you had no idea that he would be involved?"

She reached out and touched his arm; the muscle was tight beneath his jacket, "I swear I didn't. Not until it was too late."

"Do you think he had something to do with the original job offer?" Castle had wondered about that since she told him.

"Why would he?" Kate hadn't let herself think the question through thoroughly, though it had crossed her mind.

Castle looked at Kate incredulous, "To keep an eye on you? Employ a plan to destroy your career and your credibility? Find a way to kill you without it tracing back to him? Have you forgotten who you're dealing with?"

Kate's anger flashed; her face transforming momentarily with it, "I know exactly who I'm dealing with, Castle."

He dropped his chin to his chest; eyes searching the ground for anything that would attract his gaze, "So what did you decide Kate? Is it Bracken or me?"

"Bracken isn't our only issue," Kate wasn't deflecting, but she wasn't answering the question either.

"It's my issue. It's my deal breaker. I can't do this again; not even for you," Castle's jaw was hard; his profile intense. "If you do this; he will kill you and I won't watch you die again."

Kate stepped closer to him where her chest pressed against his arm; her right hand slid across his lower back; the left gently covering one of his as it clenched the iron railing of the fence, "I know what I want, Castle, but what about you? Have things gone too far for you? Do you wish you could go back to the day of your proposal?"

"And do what?" Castle's eyes flickered to hers.

"What I was expecting," Kate rested her forehead on his arm.

"End things," he had known that even then.

"It's what I deserved," her words were not an attempt to manipulate his emotions; they were her truth.

Castle dropped his hand from the rail; hesitated and then slid it around Kate's waist, pulling her to him, "What about what I deserved? I worked for us; put in the years; waited for you to be ready. I couldn't just let you walk away without a fight."

"You have any fight left in you, Castle?" her hands rested on his shoulders; she was looking into his eyes; searching; wanting to both see and hear his response.

Before he could answer her; a car screeched up beside them and two men in dark suits stepped out making their way quickly toward her with badges flashing, "Special Agent Beckett, you need to come with us."

Kate looked from the men to Castle, "What is this about?"

"You are being recalled to DC immediately. We have to go now," the agents looked so similar they could have been twins though she knew neither of them.

"Castle, I…," Kate found herself caught in the cross hairs of the same old dilemma; her job or her relationship.

Castle just stared at her; disbelieving, but not really all that surprised to find himself here again, "Kate, wait."

She stepped away from him and toward the car; her face stricken; clearly wrecked emotionally, "I have to go. I don't have a choice."

Before he could say anything else; Kate disappeared into the back of the nondescript sedan which pulled away quickly from the curb before her door was even shut. Castle was left with his answer to her question languishing on his tongue and her decision regarding Bracken deflected; averted. If she had remained; even for another moment they both would have known where they stood; what they should do next. As it was; he was left with only questions; the same ones they started with.

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(Follow on Twitter Castleficlets)

_She has ruled the relationship for far too long, she's broken his heart, strung him along, the choice is now in his hands, her future, her heart, her life, everything, she gives the power to him._


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N Work – hmmmmm… need I say more… busy, exhausting week. I will try and get another Chapter up over the weekend! **_

_**To English Guest – I so appreciate your reviews. They are focused on the story and specific in scope. You being a registered user would benefit only me in that I could respond to your insights. I do so enjoy hearing from you each and every time. Thank you for reading and taking the time to review. **_

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226 Miles Chapter 18

Castle stood for several minutes gripping the sun warmed iron fence with both hands. His knuckles turning white under the increased exertion; the act of tightening his grip in futility against the unyielding surface hoping only to discharge some frustration; disappointment; the hurt that had seized him the moment Beckett began backing away from him toward the car and spiking the moment she had disappeared into it. She had left him standing there wondering what he was supposed to do next and questioning what he had done in the not so distant past.

Shoving hard against the iron; freeing himself physically from the fence and his thoughts, Castle tossed his empty coffee cup in a trashcan that was just inside the opening that would grant him entry into the park; access to their place; the swings. The grounds were swarming with little people; running, climbing, chasing, yelling with delight, but no one other than him seemed to be drawn to them. He walked toward the swings as if he didn't have a choice. In ramification, he was left with the same sensation that had become his companion within recent weeks; one that left him adrift; anchorless; knocking against his own boundaries and convictions. It was in this state that he was able to consider Kate's questions; her offer; a chance at something different.

"Things can't go on the way they are," her words still echoed through his mind as he claimed the middle swing; the one he had knelt in front of when he asked her to be his wife.

"Something has to give," her whisper; almost inaudible then; reverberated now.

Castle dug his heels into the compressed dirt beneath his feet; gently pushing back; then releasing allowing himself to swing forward only to push back again; repeating the same actions only to get the exact same outcome; over and over. On a swing, repetitious action brought about the desired result; motion reminiscent of a pendulum that was inexplicably freeing. In a relationship, engaging in redundant interactions while hoping for a different result was at its best poor judgment; at its worst insanity and most predictable in its imprisonment.

"Have things gone too far for you? Do you wish you could go back to the day of the proposal?" Castle's own voice startled him from his contemplation. Jerking himself to standing, he struggled to process the implications he found buried in her words. Had Kate actually offered him an out? And if she had, did she really want him to take it; more importantly, did he?

Castle jammed his hands in his pockets, biting down hard on the outside edge of his tongue. Cursing under his breath at the pain while welcoming the metallic tang of blood and its distraction; his thoughts beat at him knocking the very air from his lungs. He loved her, but was it enough to live the life he had bartered for? She loved him, but he feared her crusade to bring down Bracken was more central to her nature; the true force she could not resist. A second chance at their personal lynchpin with the lenses of hindsight, 20/20 or not, allowing the intrusion of concerns for his life, for his future, his happiness to arise front and center. A moment in which he never proposed resulting in a divergence from their prevailing path dramatic enough that the moment he now found himself in would never have come to pass.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X_**-**_X-

_**He knows her, can see through her guise, her true desires, it's in her eyes, offering him an out, vengeance her choice, putting the power into his hands, releasing her from the guilt, anguish, of breaking his heart again. (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)**_

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

As the twenty-four hours missing mark came and went for Petra Morales, the focus on finding her did not diminish. The same could not be said for the hope that she would be found alive. Strain showed prominently on Shaw's face. This was not her first loss to the Humpty Dumpty killer. In Boston, she had come close with the fourth victim, but in that case too, time had been their adversary's sword to wield and Jordan Shaw had been cut deeply by it.

Shaw motioned for the team to join her in front of the murder board. Javi, Kevin and Steele made no attempt to hide the severity of the blow. There was no need to discuss what they each already knew; the best they could hope for now was to recover the doctor's body giving her family what little they could; the chance to say goodbye.

"I'm going to release the sketch and security cam footage from the Aristocrat to the media. Maybe we'll get lucky and someone will ID our guy," Jordan knew it was a weak play, but the only one she had at the moment.

"What if we spook him?" Kevin asked wondering at the logic behind her decision.

Shaw met his eyes in response; they were stoic, "This guy doesn't spook."

"What now?" Espo wanted to know because he was out of ideas himself.

"We need fresh eyes. I think you three should go home, get some rest, and meet back here tomorrow morning," Shaw's words were not really a suggestion, but weighted heavily with direction.

Steele objected, "We can't give up now. She could still be alive."

Jordan's face revealed how unlikely she believed that to be, "You have been here all last night and all day today. It's late. My team will be here working straight through the night. When you guys come back in the morning, they'll get some rest. That way we have people on this 24/7. We're not giving up, Morgan."

The three detectives exchanged glances; the boys looking to Steele indicating they would follow her lead, "Shaw's right. Go home and get some sleep. See you back here bright and early in the morning."

"We have the last drop from our first victim tomorrow," Kevin reminded everyone.

"Yes, and it will be at an address that has 43,45, or 98 in it that finishes out the human shape. They are the only numbers that haven't repeated and one of them has to," Steele thought of Castle when she pointed out the importance that the addresses would play in tomorrow's drop. She glanced at her watch. He and Kate had left the precinct together over nine hours before leaving her to conclude that the tension she had walked away from outside the interrogation room must have been resolved.

"My guys will run every possible address tonight and we'll make a run at catching this bastard tomorrow," Shaw was providing encouragement where she could.

"Hey, someone might want to tell Castle," Kevin suggested grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

"Where is Castle?" Shaw asked just realizing that he wasn't present and hadn't been since sometime before noon.

Javi took out his phone, "I can text him, but you saw how the two of them left here. I don't think we'll be seeing him again until tomorrow night after Kate has caught her 10 PM flight back to DC."

"You're probably right, Espo," Steele agreed after considering his logic.

He looked at her; a question in his eyes, "Should I text him?"

Steele thought a minute before answering; something was gnawing at her; a feeling she could only qualify as unease. A quick flick of her eyes caught Shaw watching her intently; she made a decision she hoped she wouldn't regret, "It's nothing that can't wait."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Kate was alone again. The townhouse was cold, dark, silent and had the feel of a place that had been left empty for too long though it had only been a few days. The air lacked any lingering aromas of the life that was meant to be lived there; vestiges of morning coffee, perfume, heated skin and soap, toast ever so slightly singed, made in haste for breakfast and left uneaten on a saucer in the sink. No relief flooded her gratified that she was home though she waited for it to find her. She decided that Castle was right; the Georgetown place was not a home; not yet anyway. It was a house, one that they had been living in not so much as a couple with a shared life, but as good friends with better intentions and intensely pleasurable benefits.

She found herself in the kitchen standing in front of the refrigerator; door open; staring inside. Her stomach growled in reminder that the coffee she had with Castle was not actually food, but Kate snagged the open bottle of wine from the bottom shelf anyway. A lone piece of stemware sat inverted on its rim on the counter where she had left it drying days before; the only thing in the townhouse that appeared to be waiting for her. She filled it beyond half full; determined to stave off the loneliness and anxiety she was contending with and to sustain her courage as she pulled out her phone hoping, but not expecting to have a message from him. She wanted Castle to have time; he needed it; deserved it, but that didn't negate the fact that his answer was by no means a given. Things had changed between them; he had changed; maybe even what he wanted from their relationship had changed and where that left them remained to be seen.

No texts. No messages. A brief influx of frustration was quickly quelled as she attributed it to the lateness of the hour because it was late; very late. In fact, the arrival and subsequent departure of midnight had made it yesterday that she had left Castle in the park to examine his feelings about what they had; where they were going and if he was still committed to finding the more they both agreed they deserved. Kate's thumb hovered over the call button; she hesitated just long enough to talk herself out of it.

She wandered over to the large expanse of windows in the breakfast room that allowed her to look out into a backyard she had not yet taken the opportunity to enjoy. The pool lights gave the scene an eerie, yet inviting glow as streaming water from the attached Jacuzzi flowed freely into the main pool. She considered a swim, but then thought better of it wanting her first time to be with Castle.

Staring through the glass and past the yard, the scene from the interrogation room ambled through her brain as the full glass of wine she had consumed in just minutes and on an empty stomach collapsed her mental barriers. As much as she wanted to deny it; that Castle could have chemistry with someone else, she couldn't. She had seen it with her own eyes; could actually feel it emanating between them, but it was also true that both seemed to be fighting it. Kate recognized it because she had lived it; the dance, the music, the inevitable submission.

Regrets; Kate had them about their conversation in the park. They had never made it inside to the swings. Something seemed to have held them at the fence line; had it been him? She didn't know.

His answer; he had been about to give her one when the black sedan with the federal plates and two agents pulled up demanding that she accompany them back to DC.

Her answer; one she was so certain of now, but had been unable to give him before she heard his.

Refilling her wine glass gave Kate the excuse to move; to reframe her thoughts. Finding herself in the den where she had researched Morgan Steele with the ill gotten file, prompted Kate to review the op she had been abruptly called back for; her participation touted as crucial. It had been a four man operation: Gellar, Dagget, Stack and herself. A simple tag and bag of a target believed to be an accomplice to the subject of their previous mission. This one had been female; intimately involved with the wrong man; easily manipulated into stealing information, a choice that would cost her dearly.

Though it had gone off without a hitch, the operation left Kate with questions; lots of them. Why had she been brought all the way back from New York when the rest of the team was ready to be activated with agents to spare? There was no special skill of any kind needed for the take down; more or less, one that only Kate possessed. And finally, it took hours longer than it should have. Dagget had left the van to surveil the area and confirm the target and hadn't returned for almost three hours. When the target finally showed and he gave the signal, Emily lured her over to the van, identified herself as a federal agent as Stack pulled her inside securing her with handcuffs. Kate never pulled her gun or left the van; her job had been to drive. It didn't add up, it didn't make sense; the recall, the op; something was definitely off; and with Bracken in the mix there was no limit to how bad things could get.

The light bulb moment came unexpectedly and with force, so much so that Kate slammed the base of her wine glass down so hard on the end table that is almost shattered. She took the stairs two at a time; arms pumping; breathing air into her lungs as deeply as possible to enhance her speed. At the top of the second floor she cut left and down the hall into a spare bedroom Castle had turned into a home office. After yanking open the closet door and pulling several plastic bins out of the right hand corner, Kate dropped to her knees. She pressed the hardwood floor plank two out from the wall; it popped up silently along with the four planks surrounding it. The floor safe was biometric; opening only for her after scanning her complete right hand. Her heart was racing frantically as she waited for the pins to roll back releasing the door. The access light turned green; she jerked it open with one hand while jamming the other inside in simultaneous motions searching for something. When her fingers found and wrapped around the file, Kate let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding. It was still there. They didn't know.

Giving herself a few seconds to steady her nerves, Kate let the file rest on her knees. She eyed it like the coiled snake it really was. Everything she had managed to put together about Bracken was inside including photos, timelines, details about her mother's murder, each of their personal interactions, Montgomery and his connection to a murder and a gang of kidnapping rogue cops, and the account number from the money order they pieced together after the explosion at Smith's office building. The digging that she had done in the archives at the AG's office hadn't yielded much, but she had managed to add a series of names to the file of people in very high places that she believed were part of Bracken's circle of powerful friends; benefactors and accomplices. The thought that anyone knew about the file; even Castle, was terrifying. The mass devastation that would be unleashed should the wrong people find out about its existence was inconceivable; the least of which being an immediate end to her truce with Bracken. When she began constructing it, Kate hadn't lied to herself. Yes, the file would help ensure her safety and that of those she cared about, but it also served to move her closer to a position from which she could eventually strike at the heart of the monster; the man responsible for her mother's death; her father's alcoholism, and multiple attempts on her own life.

As she returned the file to the safe and put the contents of the closet back where they had been, a deep aching fatigue set in. When Kate dragged herself to her feet, the muscles in her legs trembled, straining from the exertion. Her hands shook noticeably not from exhaustion, but from the fear of what she was risking, the consequences, and the ultimate cost.

Kate struggled up the stairs to the third floor; collapsing fully clothed onto the bed. The moment her face hit the pillow she was assailed with the scent of him, her chest tightened, and she reached for her phone one more time. No texts. No messages.

Sleep was grasping at her consciousness; pulling her down to rest. Kate's thumb glanced across the screen; a silent plea that he would answer. The call went to voice mail, but she would not be deterred, "Castle, it's me. You were right. It's over. I'm done. Please call me when you get this. We need to talk."


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N Trying to align 4 different plot lines to wind up at the same time – wonder if I have bitten off more than I can chew – guess we shall see. This chapter has some setup for future chapters. Happy reading!**_

_**PAK_321 and JC (Yoda/Twisted Little Monkey) – Best betas ever. Your feedback, suggestions and your time – all gifts to me. I hope you know how appreciative I am for your shared brilliance. **_

226 Miles

Chapter 19

Sunday morning at the 12th was usually pretty quiet in homicide, but not this Sunday. By 9:00 AM the bullpen was jammed with detectives, uniforms and feds. Today was the day the last body part from Janine Preston would drop providing the best shot to date at catching the Humpty Dumpty killer. Jordan Shaw and Morgan Steele stood side by side staring at the information the matrix analysis had yielded over night. The numbers 43, 45, and 98 were displayed atop the murder board. Under each number was a possible street name that fell within the area that would complete the outline of a real body. There were seven possibilities; it was a lot of ground to cover, but it was a hell of a lot better than the whole city.

Espo and Ryan took in the manic scene as they stepped from the elevator together and did not hesitate to join the fray as they approached Steele and Shaw, "Yo, you two." Javi looked at Morgan, "You beat us here."

Shaw crossed her arms over her chest; eyes locked on the board, "She never left."

Kevin smiled though he was somewhat chagrined that he had been forced into going home and she had stayed, "Now that is just wrong."

Javi leaned in and whispered to Ryan, "Very Beckett."

He nodded, "I know, right?"

"You know I can hear you," the corner of Steele's mouth turned up slightly though she tried to hide it.

The boys glanced at one another while Shaw cut her eyes at Morgan; amusement undermining her serious expression, "We have seven teams to deploy. I want us to be at the two locations we think are the highest value; will more perfectly fit his needs for an anatomically correct placement."

"Which ones are those?" Espo stepped up next to Steele.

The detective reached out to the board and touched 43 East 27th and 98 East 29th. Both locations morphed into separate maps; aligned next to one another, "You two will set up on East 29th. Shaw and I will take East 27th."

"Boys against the girls; I like it," Kevin quipped.

"We've so got this," Javi offered up the fist bump, but Kevin was still looking at the board.

Steele couldn't help but poke fun; smiling broadly, "He left you hangin', bro."

Kevin realized what had happened and offered his fist belatedly in apology. Javi turned away from him; disappointment in his performance etched on his face, "Too late? Sorry, bro."

The boys studied the map of their assigned location while Shaw continued to brief them, "It's always a gamble deciding how many members to have on a team. Too many and you might scare off your suspect; too few and he can slip through your net."

Steele slid effortlessly into the conversation making it apparent that somewhere in the night she and Shaw had somehow found their rhythm; one that was complimentary; in support rather than opposition, "We're going with teams of two. The sheer number of possible locations is stretching things thin and it's the maximum manpower I could get authorized."

"The good thing is our guy is very precise in his needs and two officers should be able to cover the exact addresses," Shaw finished letting her eyes meet Steele's; appreciation exchanging between them.

After calling the other teams over to the board Shaw took over, "Each team has their assignment. It is going to be a long day, so plan accordingly. Our boy has a preference for night drops and I'm thinking even more so now that his face is plastered all over the media. Right now, there are marked units on the seven locations. Once you arrive, they will leave the area and take up assigned positions around the outer perimeter of the drop zone and will act as backup."

Shaw turned to Steele who took her cue without missing a beat, "This guy has been an unknown to us up to now. We now know what he looks like and we have narrowed down where his compulsive behavior is going to drive him to drop the last body part."

"It is also the last chance that our second victim has of making it out alive. Once he has finished reassembling this one, he will move on to Dr. Morales," Shaw felt that offering hope that she was still alive would provide motivation for the teams beyond the capture.

"We need to take him alive people," Steele interjected. "He's the only one who can lead us to our kidnapping victim."

Kevin slid in next to Javi, "They make a good team."

Javi's lips curled into a slight snarl, "I'm not losing anyone else to the feds."

Kevin was taken aback by Javi's reaction, "Whoa, dude. I was just saying that they're working well together."

"Whatever, bro," Javi stepped away from him and back toward their desk since the briefing was over.

Kevin decided to drop the subject having been unaware that it was a touchy one, "You heard from Castle?"

Javi grabbed his phone to check it as he answered; there was nothing, "No, you?"

Kevin shook his head, "Me neither. You think that's at all weird?"

"It's Castle, bro, weird comes with the territory," Javi joked.

Steele arrived stopping between them, "Anything from Castle since yesterday?"

They shook their heads in unison, "But Beckett's still in town until late tonight."

"Should we call him? He's not going to want to miss this. The take down; it's what the guy lives for," Ryan made his argument.

Steele didn't join in, just listened, "Yeah, but he and Beckett; it's been tough for them since the move. He said they never have any time together."

The boys looked at Steele at the same time. She held up her hands to slow their roll, "Guys, you know Castle better than I do. This is all you."

"Think he'll be pissed if we call?" Javi asked Kevin.

"He'll be pissed if we catch the guy and he didn't have the option to be a part of it," he replied with all seriousness.

Steele felt like she was watching two girls fight over a boy, "Just text him. That way he can decide if he wants to answer it or not."

As Steele walked away and Javi began formulating the text he said, "That's what I was going to suggest."

"You so were not, bro," Kevin didn't buy it and told him so.

"We need snacks," Javi pressed send and with it moved on; his thoughts on the upcoming surveillance.

Kevin went with him without hesitation, "Yeah, we need to stop and get all the stuff Jenny won't let me eat at home."

"Bro, you are so whipped," Javi grabbed an extra clip of ammo from the top right drawer of his desk; shoving it closed with his knee.

Kevin did the same, "She just wants me to eat healthy."

"Whipped, bro, whipped," Javi snagged the keys to their unit from the top of the desk.

Kevin had been hoping to drive; it was clear from his face, "At least someone wants to whip me."

Shaw and Steele were walking by and gave Kevin a look that said they didn't want to know.

"Nice, bro," Javi laughed out loud.

"Wait! You know that's not what I meant!" Kevin followed Javi toward the elevator.

Steele and Shaw had been headed to the break room for a coffee. They eyed the guys as they left, "You've got a good thing going here, Morgan."

Steele smiled, "Yeah, I lucked out."

Shaw signaled the other teams to head out, "Castle joining us?"

Steele's eyes clouded ever so slightly as she shrugged, "The boys were going to text him."

"You think something is off with him not checking in with anyone; even with Beckett in town?" Shaw couldn't help seeing what was so obviously there.

Morgan gently bit the inside of her cheek as she thought about her answer, "I do; I really do. No one here has heard from him in almost twenty-four hours. I know I've only known Castle a short time, but yeah, I feel like something's not right. Jordan, when things went south in DC, I had an uneasy feeling before the op ever got underway. I brought up my concerns, but let someone talk me out of listening to them."

"And things went about as badly as they could have," Shaw finished for her.

Steele attempted to hide her emotions though they lay only thinly disguised beneath the surface, "I lost the two most important people in my life that day."

"You have a similar feeling now?" Shaw probed.

Steele glanced at her watch trying to hide her anxiety through distraction, "You know, Castle is a big boy. He's with a highly trained special agent who just happens to be his fiancé; can't think of a safer place for him."

"Castle has been known to get himself into some pretty dangerous situations with and without Beckett," Shaw offered up what she knew to be true.

"Yeah, but they're not working on anything, so they should be good, right?" Steele's voice didn't sound as certain as her words.

"You'd feel better if you heard from him though," Shaw echoed the very thought that Morgan was having.

"Truthfully? Yes, I would," Steele didn't like feeling this way. "I'd feel better if I just knew for certain he was still with Beckett." The events in DC had changed her from a fearless risk taker who barreled into situations guns blazing to someone who liked to ask the questions first. Whether that was a change for the better or the worse was still under consideration as far as she was concerned.

"You could call him," Shaw offered up the obvious.

Steele's eyes snapped free of her watch and met Jordan's, "I have called him; several times in fact."

Shaw was silent, "Voicemail every time."

"You could always call Kate," her suggestions had gone from the obvious to the unlikely to be received well.

Steele didn't respond, but gave her a look that said that wasn't happening.

"Want my advice?" Shaw asked evenly.

Steele surveyed Jordan for a hidden motivation, but none was readily apparent, "All right, sure."

"I listen to my gut. It's saved my ass more times than it has embarrassed me," Shaw reached out and patted Morgan's arm before taking her coffee and leaving the room to make final preparations for the stakeout.

Steele stood sipping her coffee for a few seconds considering Shaw's advice. Taking out her phone, she glanced around to be sure she was alone. The phone rang several times before a familiar voice picked up, "Hey, Steele. How's New York?"

"London, how's robbery treating you?" Morgan hadn't talked with the only other surviving member of her team since she had left DC.

"It's not homicide, but I'm learning a lot from the guys I work with," London's voice was steady except for a slight tremor that betrayed him.

"You working today?" Steele didn't have much time and needed to get to the point of the call.

"Yeah, low man gets the weekends. You know how it goes," he managed to hold on to a lightness in his voice even as his thoughts drifted to the last time he had seen Steele; the police memorial for Lina and Jack.

Steele allowed herself a smile; she did know, "I need a favor."

"I kind of figured," Trevor's tone let her know that whatever she needed; he was her guy.

"I need you to make some calls for me. Check local hospitals in New York for John Does who match my guy's description; police blotters in the boroughs looking for anything out of the ordinary that might be connected; hit and runs; muggings; anything," Steele explained while being as vague as possible.

London picked up a pen and grabbed some paper to take some notes, "Friend or foe?"

"Friend," Steele assured him.

"This guy of yours have a name?" he queried.

Steele took one last second to reconsider; then told him, "Richard Castle."

"Who? Richard Castle the mystery writer?" London wanted to be sure he had heard her correctly.

"Yes, one in the same," Steele had dropped her voice to a whisper when she said his name. "I can't tell you anything else. I just need you to do this for me on the DL."

"Of course, anything," he told her with complete sincerity. "You want me to dump his phone; get a last location?"

Steele had thought about using her own connection at the phone company to do just that, but felt it was overly intrusive and going too far for just a bad feeling; an extreme overreaction, "Not yet."

London couldn't help wondering what this was all about, but simply said, "Description?"

"Seriously? You can't get a picture of him online?" Steele found the request funny.

Trevor laughed too, "Yeah, you're right; sorry. Look, it is dead here; nothing going on. I'll get right on this and text you when I know anything."

Steele felt some of her anxiety recede now that she was doing something rather than just lugging around a bad feeling, "Thanks for not asking any questions. I owe you one, Trev."

There was silence on the line, "It's none of my business and you don't owe me anything, Morgan; not ever."

Steele had a thousand words running haphazardly through her head; things she knew he had probably needed to hear from her months ago, but she just hadn't known how to get past her own grief to help him with his. "I know that we never really talked after…," Steele couldn't finish even now; she didn't know what to say; didn't think she could get the words out if she did.

"Hey, we're good. We were then; are now; always will be, okay?" he was glad she had called him; even if it was for a favor. He had wanted to tell her that for a long time.

Appreciation flooded her, "Maybe one day; you and me; we'll get the chance to team up again."

His answer came without hesitation, "I'd like that."

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, "Me too."

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Kate was actually relieved to arrive at the AG's office for the operation debrief meeting on Sunday morning. She had some questions not only about the op itself, but why her presence had been deemed mandatory and by whose order had she been recalled to DC to participate? The questions were valid and deserved an answer, yet she had her doubts that any she would find suitable would be forth coming.

Having arrived early, Kate had time to sit at her desk without interruption and reflect on the events of the last couple of days since no one else had yet to arrive. Her night had been a long and sleepless one; waking every hour to check her phone; hoping that Castle had gotten her message and tried to reach her. Each time she did, her heart beat a little faster adding adrenaline to her system making it harder for sleep to reclaim her when she found nothing. The message she had left him played on a continuous loop in her brain leaving her wondering if it could have been misconstrued; left him thinking that she hadn't chosen him when the opposite was true. She wanted to call him again; to ascertain the truth, to clarify her meaning, but what if she was wrong? He had understood her message and he simply didn't care; she was too late; he had taken her up on the offer she had so recklessly made and reset his life to what it was before the proposal.

Pushing those thoughts away as they were threatening to become rampant, Kate found that the aspect of the situation that she was finding most troubling was Castle's continued silence. It was something that her mind wouldn't leave alone; it wasn't like him. She believed that if he had gotten her voicemail that he would have called her back; even if what he had to say, she didn't want to hear.

Holding fast to that belief, she felt that only a few alternatives as to his whereabouts remained. Her first instinct told her that he and a bottle of eighteen year old scotch spent the evening together; commiserating over the current situation and talking over his options; constructing a pros and cons list viewed through the eyes of the amber liquid. The scenario would explain his silence and ensured that in the next few hours, he would get her message and she would get her return phone call.

As logical as her scenario was, Kate found that it in no way allowed her to step back and let it play itself out. Something about all of this was gnawing at her; something she couldn't quite put her finger on. In fact, whatever this was had actually been bothering her all night having left her grossly unsettled and sleep deprived. As she allowed that understanding to fill her, she knew with absolute certainty that Castle wasn't passed out drunk at the loft or in the office of the Haunt. He wasn't just ignoring her due to a misinterpreted voicemail left hastily in the dead of night. He had not accepted her offer to go back to the day of the proposal and take a different path. For him to stay out of touch this long something had to be wrong.

Kate took out her phone and called him. After five rings, his voicemail picked up. She listened all the way through his greeting just so she could hear his voice. She disconnected the call and dialed again; hoping that he had just not been able to get to the phone before it stopped ringing, "Come on, Castle. Pick up."

When his voicemail picked up for the third time, Kate felt the earliest stirrings of panic. She looked around the room and saw that Dagget had arrived. He was sitting on his desk looking her way, but was engaged deeply in a telephone conversation of his own.

The only thing keeping her from bolting from the room was the hope that Castle had spent the whole night at the precinct again and either his phone had died or he had misplaced it again. She watched her hand tremble as she dialed Javi's number. He picked up after two rings, "Hey, Beckett."

"Javi, please tell me Castle is with you."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Follow at Castleficlets on Twitter

**_Consequences, choices, determining the path life takes, believing your life is the only thing at risk, the moment the crushing realization comes, devastation, your choices, your path, led to their harm._**


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N - Apologies for the delayed update. Very long week at work and then a power outage that turned my home into a sweat lodge for eight hours. Hoping to update again tomorrow, but I can't promise anything. Your patience is appreciated as I get acclimated back to the daily grind. Going to try very hard to wrap up this story prior to Season 6 Episode 1.**_

226 Miles

Chapter 20

As Kate ended the call with Javi; her skin flushed with the heat of panic as it surged through her veins. Castle wasn't at the precinct and hadn't been seen by anyone associated with it since they had walked out its front doors together the day before. She stood suddenly; her phone clenched in her hand; chair sliding back several feet from her desk with the force of adrenalin. Her eyes darted around the room; Dagget was talking to someone; his phone call having ended. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was the head of the snake himself; William H. Bracken.

"Beckett, the debrief has been delayed. I'll let you know when to meet in the conference room," Emily's voice startled Kate shattering her lock on the two men conversing intensely in muted voices next to Dagget's desk.

"Didn't realize that he would be here," Kate tried to camouflage the turmoil that was rampaging inside her head; keeping a semblance of control crucial to her current state of mind.

Emily's arms crossed habitually over her chest; gaze resting on the men clearly invested in their conversation, but her attention was on Kate. "And that is what unbridled blind ambition looks like," Emily smiled half heartedly softening the ridicule lacing her words.

Kate let her eyes refocus on the men realizing that the target of Emily's words was Dagget, but understanding that they could easily be applied to both, "He is pretty obvious about it."

"Making him unpredictable, unreliable and a threat to the daily operation of this team," Emily was clearly concerned about where Dagget's loyalties might really rest.

"People who operate like that make mistakes; the kind you can't come back from," Kate's eyes dropped away from the scene; hair clouding the view of her face; her words directed inward; taking unflinching aim at her own ambition.

Hesitating as if deciding between two critical choices, Emily seemed to dismiss Dagget from her mind, choosing to pull Kate's chair back closer to the desk before sinking down into it, "What's going on, Kate?"

She took a seat on the edge of her own desk; eyes darting to Bracken as she did, "I haven't heard from Castle in over twenty-four hours; no one at the precinct has either."

Emily had crossed her legs comfortably as if she anticipated being there for a while, "Is it unusual for him to drop off the grid for extended periods of time? Would he do something like this to get your attention?"

Kate shook her head fiercely looking Emily squarely in the eye to relay conviction, "No, never."

"What are you going to do?" Emily had interlaced her fingers resting her hands in her lap; eyes penetrating with their intensity.

Kate ground her back teeth for several seconds; jaw intermittently flexing and relaxing, "I'm going to find him."

Emily processed the implications, "There are consequences to every choice we make, Kate; good and bad. The really difficult ones to swallow are those we failed to anticipate."

Kate initially felt that Emily was being condescending, but rethought her interpretation when she looked into her eyes, "I've discovered there were a lot of those associated with accepting this job."

Emily knew then that there was more to the story, "How were things between you and Castle when you left New York?"

Kate sighed audibly, "I asked him if he wanted out; gave him a choice; suggested that maybe Steele was better for him."

If Kate was expecting a visible reaction from Emily, she didn't get one, "Is there something going on between them?"

"They're not involved, but there is something; could be something if I wasn't in the picture," Kate was surprised at how easily the truth made its way out of her.

"Did you make him the get out of jail free offer for his benefit or for yours?" Emily always was one to go straight for the jugular.

Kate gave her an icy glare, "What are you talking about?"

"Seems to me if he's the one who calls it quits, you're off the hook," Emily told her.

"Off the hook for what?" Kate's frustration seeped into her tone.

Emily uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair; elbows resting on her knees, "For breaking his heart," she hesitated, "and yours."

Kate reacted viscerally not because her words weren't true, but because they were, "What if it's too late; it's already done?"

"What if it's not?" this time the devil's advocate was on the relationship's side and Kate found that it briefly froze her in place. "Physical attraction isn't love, Kate; it doesn't even guarantee that you will like someone, more or less, fall in love with them."

Her words made sense and Kate clung to them, "I need to talk to him."

Emily read the emotions roiling through Kate; regret, fear, and thinly veiled panic, "You've tried to call him?"

"Several times; left messages; nothing," the story came out of her without resistance as though she had just been waiting for someone, anyone, to ask.

"You're certain something is wrong? There are no other possibilities?" Emily was dissecting every word, every shift in expression.

It was Kate's turn to take a defensive posture; arms crossed over her chest, "We didn't exactly leave things on a positive note when you sent those two agents to retrieve me from New York."

Emily's eyes narrowed slightly; Kate caught it, "That wasn't my call."

"Whose call was it?" a slight edge emerged in her voice.

"Above my pay grade, but if I had to guess…," Emily's gaze traveled to Bracken who was still conversing with Dagget. The two women fell silent watching Agent Stack enter the room, survey the two pairs engaged in conversation, and then join the men.

Kate spoke first, "It was pointless for me to be brought back for that op."

Emily appeared to be watching Kate; her peripheral was still on the three men, "I agree."

"Then why?" Kate demanded.

Emily's answer was relaxed, but the wording was careful; precise, "I don't know for sure, but my best bet is that someone was trying to teach you a lesson about who's in charge."

Kate's gaze morphed into an uncensored stare. She figured that Emily was probably right; bringing her back to DC on a moment's notice for a mundane task had been a calculated move designed to be a show of power. As if he had overheard their conversation, Bracken's eyes found Kate's from across the room; they grabbed and held hers for several seconds before he broke off the contact returning to his conversation.

Emily had not lessened her focus on Kate, "You two have a history; an intense one."

Kate gave up pretending she didn't know what Emily was talking about, "Yes, we do."

"Feeling the urge to share?" Emily prodded.

Kate's laugh was low, acerbic, "Thought you knew everything about me."

Emily stood, registering the jibe; absorbing it as if in acknowledgment that she deserved it, "I know a lot about you, Kate, that's true, but I'm going to venture that the really good stuff is still safely hidden away."

Kate's phone vibrated in her hand; it was a text message from Javi that simply said 911, "I have to go."

"I know," Emily did know; had not doubted for an instant how this conversation was going to end up.

"You're not going to give me any shit?" Kate couldn't stop herself from asking.

"Would it do me any good?" she asked only half serious.

Kate grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder shaking her head, "Nope."

Emily actually felt for her, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help on this end. Do what you gotta do."

"I have to find Castle; make sure he's safe; try and fix the mess I've made," Kate's eyes traveled to Stack who was still involved in a conversation with Bracken and Dagget.

"Go, I'll take care of that," Emily offered her eyes resting on Kate's left hand.

Kate's eyes followed suit; the ring she wore on her finger; his ring prompting her words, "I'm going to marry him."

Emily smiled with deeper understanding than Kate expected, "Then I guess you better go and find him."

Kate's slight nod was more than just acknowledgement for telling Stack where she had gone, but for everything that Emily had taught her; tried to help her see about what it would take to be a permanent part of this team and its accompanying cost.

Kate strode from the room shedding the place, the people, the job with every step; her only thoughts were of Castle and how she was going to find him and make things right again between them.

Emily watched Kate's exit only to realize that the huddle between the men had ended and they had all gone their separate ways leaving her alone in the room. When the vibration of her cell drew her attention, she answered it without looking at who was calling; she already knew, "She's headed back to New York. What do you want me to do?" Emily listened for at least a minute; never answering or asking a question of the person on the other end of the line, but ending the call with a simple, "I understand." The call was gone and so was Kate. All that was left for Emily to do was what she always did; follow orders.

Hitting the parking lot, Javi's words looped through her brain, "We all thought he was with you, Kate. When did you leave town? How long has it been since you spoke with him?"

She had phoned Javi for confirmation that Castle was all right; that he was just not returning her calls because he wasn't ready. It had been a stretch to begin with for her to believe that he wouldn't answer her calls, but it was not possible that he would ignore the boys particularly when he was so deeply invested in the body parts case. There were only two other people who might know where he was; Martha and Alexis. If he wasn't with one of them, then there would be no doubt remaining; Castle was in trouble.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

**_Making the choice, accepting the ring, one foot in, one out, never truly realizing the commitment that it brings, like clouds parting allowing a sliver of sun, the clarity, sudden realization, he is your one and done. (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)_**

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When Steele got the call from Javi about Castle, she was still at the precinct. She immediately dialed London, "Trevor, things have changed. Dump his phones. Ping his cell for last known location. I need to find Richard Castle right now."

Shaw walked up to Morgan as she was finishing up the call, "You ready?"

"Yeah," Steele's voice was tight; strained.

"Everything okay?" Jordan knew that it wasn't from what she had overheard of the call.

Steele struggled with what to tell her; they had a job to do, "It's Castle. He's not with Kate; hasn't been since before lunch yesterday. She got recalled to DC and they parted on difficult terms."

Shaw's forehead furrowed, "Sounds like he could be out of touch by choice."

Steele's expression conveyed adamant disagreement, "He wouldn't miss out on the chance to be there when we catch this guy, Jordan. He knows the last body part is going to drop tonight. Castle would be here if he could be. I know that much about him."

Shaw found that Steele's argument was sound and couldn't argue with her logic. "That phone call sounded like you already have the ball rolling looking for him," Shaw had no issue revealing that she had been eavesdropping.

"I had a friend discretely looking into his whereabouts before; now he's looking not so discretely," Steele admitted.

"You went with your gut," Shaw meant it as a compliment.

Steele wasn't so sure she had made the right call, "I should have gone all in sooner."

"There was no way for you to know, Morgan. At least you were looking," the reassurance did little to make Steele feel better about the situation. "Anyone check with his mother and daughter?"

"Yeah, I did. They haven't seen him since Friday morning. They have apparently been steering clear of the loft while Kate was here," Steele informed her.

"Did your call panic them?" Shaw wanted to know if they would soon be dealing with family too.

"No, I just said I was trying to let him know we were going on a stakeout. They think he's with Kate," Steele assured her.

"No point upsetting them until we have something concrete," Shaw mused aloud.

"Exactly," Morgan was glad that Shaw was in agreement with her.

"What now?" Shaw felt deeply conflicted. There was a serial killer within her reach tonight, but Castle was a friend; so was Beckett; more than that, she owed her own life to them both.

Steele didn't hesitate, "We let my guy do his thing, and we go catch ourselves a killer."

An ominous thought crept into Shaw's consciousness, "What if our guy has something to do with Castle's disappearance?"

Steele's initial reaction was to reject Shaw's theory, but after giving it and the timing of his disappearance some thought; it made a bizarre kind of sense. The media had been all over the case at the Aristocrat. She had seen the footage on the news herself. "It's possible that he targeted Castle from the crime scene. Found him alone and grabbed him."

"Upped the stakes in retaliation for outing him to the world?" Shaw's profile of their killer had predicted an attempt to lash out at police for revealing his face to the public.

Steele had a disquieting theory of her own, "You don't think Castle could have found something and gone after this guy on his own, do you?"

"It wouldn't surprise me. He and Beckett are known for that kind of thing. Has almost gotten them killed on several occasions," Shaw began to think that Steele's theory had some real merit.

Steele hoped she was wrong, "We have to catch this guy tonight."

"Then let's go get him," Shaw's determination and drive were reinforced tenfold with the possibility that their killer might have Castle.

As Steele and Shaw strode toward the elevator together, Shaw spoke into her radio; her direct link to the seven stakeout teams, "Be advised that Richard Castle's whereabouts are currently unknown. He is considered an endangered missing due to the possibility that he has been abducted by our suspect. The suspect must be taken alive. Repeat. Attempts must be made at capture. Fire your weapon only as a last resort."

Shaw and Steele stood in the elevator listening to the affirmative call backs over the radio. A complicated situation had just gotten more so. More than that, it had just gotten personal and when that happened; all bets were off.


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N – Shorter chapter, but heading down the stretch my friends. New chapter up in a couple of days. **_

226 Miles

Chapter 21

Javi and Kevin sat in their unmarked vehicle half a block from their assigned location. The afternoon sunlight had faded fast; dusk having slid into its place offering shadow; anonymity to any who might seek it.

"Are they right? Think this guy has Castle?" Kevin's low, tense voice drew Javi's eyes away from his phone; still waiting for Kate to answer his 911.

"It is Castle we're talking about," Javi's intent being to convey that he thought that most anything was possible when it came to their friend.

Kevin stared through the windshield; eyeing the pedestrians passing in front of the address, "This is bullshit, Javi. We need to be out there doing something."

Javi rolled his window down slightly; suddenly needing air, "We are doing something, bro. We're tracking a serial killer who just might have Castle."

"What if we're wasting time; time he doesn't have?" Kevin grabbed a bag of chips and cracked them open; needing something, anything to do.

Javi snagged the bag from Kevin; jammed his hand inside and pulled out a fist full of chips, "Can't think like that, bro."

"It's all I can think," Ryan's expression was disturbing to Espo because it said everything he was thinking.

Javi was about to try and string together some semblance of a response for his distressed partner when his own phone rang; he answered it; his voice brusque, "Beckett."

Kate's was strained; tense; laced with fear, "Javi, what's going on?"

"Shaw and Steele think our body part killer may have Castle," Javi knew no other way to tell her than to just lay it out there.

Kate was silent for a moment, "What do you think?"

"It's possible he found something, went off on his own and got himself in trouble, but we both know other things could be going on here; things connected to you taking that job and why you really took it; things Shaw and Steele know nothing about," Javi tried to keep any hint of accusation out of his tone.

"I realize that; especially now," Kate's response was terse as she forced what she believed was well deserved ire inward.

"What did you do, Kate? We can't help him if you don't tell us the truth," Javi could hear it in her voice.

Kate's rate of breathing elevated as she revealed her secret, "I did some digging at the AG's office."

Exasperation sluiced through him, "What exactly do you mean by digging?"

Kate could feel a shift in attitude from him, "I was trying to pull enough information together to keep us safe."

"On Bracken; you were putting together a new file on Bracken? What were you thinking, Kate?" Javi knew that the odds they would find Castle with their serial killer had just been cut in half making it quite possible that he had been taken by someone else equally as dangerous and exponentially harder to locate.

"I had to, Javi. I couldn't count on Bracken keeping his end of our bargain," Kate knew her words reeked with the stench of an excuse.

"No more than he could trust you to keep yours, I guess. Is that really all it was about Kate? Keeping us safe?" Javi knew her; what drove her and it left him with questions.

"As far as I know, no one caught on; no one knows about the new file or what really happened to the old one," Kate defended herself; though the attempt was a weak one; tempered by self-recrimination.

"How careful? Every state and federal computer search leaves a tag behind of who made it and when; keeps a record of exactly what was accessed, whether copies of the files were made," Javi's voiced trailed off.

Kate was a touch exasperated; becoming exhausted battling herself and him, "I know that Espo, I worked around that I think."

"So you really don't know," Javi shoved her into a metaphorical corner demanding an answer.

After only a brief hesitation she answered, "Okay, no, I don't know for sure. I guess it's possible someone found out."

He heaved a deep breath into his lungs giving him a chance to think before he spoke again, "What are you going to do?"

"I just left the office. I have to go by the townhouse for something, and then I'm on the first flight to New York," urgency resonated across the distance.

Javi didn't need to ask what that something was, "We have to see this thing through on this end. Who knows, maybe we'll have Castle back before you get here." Javi knew he had offered that wish more out of empathy than actual belief.

Kate was quiet; weighing her own response; trying to latch on to the optimism in his, "Yeah, let's hope so."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Neither Shaw nor Steele knew who saw him first, but there he was; across the street no more than fifty yards from where they sat in their unmarked cruiser. Head slung low; same ball cap from the Aristocrat footage shadowing his face; avoiding eye contact while staying close, but not too close, to a large group of camera toting tourists headed out for a night on the town.

Shaw's jaw involuntarily drew taut; her right hand reaching for her gun before being stalled by the recall of her own order; he needed to be taken alive; had to be if the doctor and Castle had any hope of making it out of his macabre delusion alive. She needed this to end here; an ordeal that had been hers years longer than theirs; so many bodies; so many families forever changed; if he eluded them now; there would be many more. "This is team one; we have visual on our suspect. All teams close on our location; come in dark; repeat, come in dark," their shot was now and Shaw feared singular in its offering.

No words passed between the women as hands raked across door handles; eyes locked briefly in confirmation that they were of one accord; confidence momentarily bolstered with the inexplicability of their mental connection to one another; no words were needed; the tactics of their approach simply a given.

An adrenaline jolt fired their heart rates as they split up; Shaw loping across the street while Steele bolted toward their target down the opposite side attempting to flank him. This was it; so much at stake; each blanching in consideration of the true price the next few minutes would extract.

A kidnap victim; a flicker of hope that she still lived; a soul already lost, but deserving of closure; a killer; compelled to travel a path outlined by demons only he could hear; and another whose fate remained unclear. These were the thoughts that urged them forward; stilled the instinct of self-preservation.

A leather handled black duffle was slung over his right shoulder; left hand jammed in the pocket of faded jeans. He was there; part of a crowd that had all but dismissed him in his ordinariness. A mass of people jostled their way down East 27th unaware of the menacing and vitriolic quintessence among them; all but Shaw and Steele who did see him; were not fooled by his façade, in fact, were drawn by it.

As Shaw stepped up onto the sidewalk on his side of the street still thirty yards away, his pace slowed; gaze curled upward as though someone had called to him. The milling pedestrians briefly obstructed her view; a moment of anxiety, a flash of movement and a tumult of voices.

Steele bounded onto the curb having crossed the street herself after having made her way past him, trigger finger sliding down the side of the barrel of her gun in anticipation; the grip heating the palm of her hand. A scream erupted and so did the crowd; dispersing away from the direction in which their target had been moving. Footsteps and voices rang out behind them; to the left and to the right. Shaw and Steele almost sideswiped one another careening toward the disturbance as others pitched away from it.

"Where is he?" Javi's voice called fervently to Kevin from a short distance behind them.

"This way!" Kevin urged and their footsteps and voices faded into their pursuit.

Shaw and Steele stood staring into like expressions saturated in disbelief, frustration, and dawning desperation. Shaw barked an order to her FBI team who had just arrived from surveillance locations that had been further away, "Spread out! Grid search protocol! I need every marked unit and uniformed officer the NYPD can spare here now. Let's shut everything down for five square blocks. Go! Go!"

"Shaw!" Morgan had waited for her to finish before calling urgently to her, "Our friend dropped something."

Shaw's eyes lowered her gaze to the ground a few feet from where she stood; Steele was squatting next to a black duffle bag; zipper open leaving a clear view of its contents, "I guess we know what caused the panic."

"Yeah, a severed human arm will do it every time," rancor dripped from every word .

Shaw was scanning the area; absorbed her energy; used it to stir her own, "Something spooked him."

Steele tried to get a closer look inside the bag without touching it, "Maybe he made us."

Shaw couldn't be sure, "Either that or he's psychic."

Kevin and Javi jogged up; short of breath; clearly lacking any good news, "He's gone."

Ryan took a few steps forward closing the gap to the bag; seeing that the last of their first victim had been found, "Hey, those are leather handles. We might get some prints; even DNA, if we're lucky."

Steele stood; not touching the bag, "He wasn't wearing gloves. I'm certain of it."

Javi had already realized they needed a new plan, "Look at the bag, it has trace all over it. Maybe Lanie can narrow down where he's been hiding."

"Wherever it is, he's not going to be there long if he thinks this bag could lead us to him," Kevin voiced what they were all thinking.

"You two get the duffle and the arm to Lanie. Tell her we need something; anything and we need it fast," her voice was corrupt with emotion; breaking slightly halfway through the order.

The boys nodded in agreement. Ryan carefully enclosed the duffle inside a police evidence bag while Javi spoke to Steele and Shaw, "Beckett's on her way back to New York. She should be here in a few hours."

"Then that's how much time we have to find this guy, rescue the doctor, and get Castle back," Steele's determination quickened Javi's guilt over the secret he was keeping from her even more so when Ryan slid in beside him having heard her comment.

"Guys, it's possible…," Kevin began suddenly; eyes cutting away from Espo; his tone uneven; faulty.

Javi cut him off; physically shoving him back the direction they had come, "It's possible that we can have something to go on in less than an hour if we hurry."

Shaw's expression was stoic; unreadable from wherever she had gone in her mind, "Do it."

Steele had caught something in the interaction between Ryan and Espo moments before that left her uneasy; feeling shut out; floundering in her efforts to pinpoint what it was, "Let's head back to the precinct and get ready for another go at this bastard."

Shaw agreed though it was offered through silence, "Jordan, we'll get him."

"Yeah, probably, but will it be too late for Castle?" she didn't wait for an answer; didn't expect one; the rhetorical ruled the moment and Steele who understood exactly where Shaw was coming from followed in support and silence praying the point wasn't already moot.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X- (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)**

_**Secrets, telling yourself your doing the right thing, never imagining the consequences your actions will bring, until that moment arrives, time to decide, the secrets you kept, is it time to bring them to light?**_

_**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N Going to try and stick with plan to post shorter chapters more often. Only two weeks to wrap this puppy up before season six. **_

_**JC and PAK – as always – indispensible with your insight and support – many thanks.**_

_**Reviewers – thank you for taking the time to review. They actually are a huge motivator to get the next chapter up. **_

_**Follow on Twitter at kjf3333 – fun Castle friends- great conversations –join us.**_

226 Miles

Chapter 22

Shaw's body was stiff as she stood in the war room staring at her high tech murder board. Cords of muscle tightened beneath her skin; a physical manifestation of the tension; frustration; self indictment of the failure of their run at the Humpty Dumpty killer. Steele's attempts to discuss what might have gone wrong with the op on the way back to the precinct had been met with laconic replies from Shaw leaving Morgan to lapse into her own swirling pool of self doubt and recrimination.

Over two hours had passed since they had returned to the precinct and Steele was giving Shaw space; watching from her desk. She knew that staggering feeling of self-condemnation well; the one that analyzed every choice made and each option dismissed. Scrutinizing moves from the most minute to those most central to the ops success; how many members assigned to each team; the makeup of the teams themselves; surveillance distance from the drop address. She had no doubt where Shaw's mind was; the hell it was putting her through because that's what she would do; that's what she had done that day not so long ago when everything had gone so terribly wrong.

Steele had just about decided that it was time for Shaw to pull it together when Javi and Kevin came barreling into the room heading directly for Kevin's computer terminal. She bolted from her chair and toward them, "Please tell me Lanie found something we can use."

Kevin was pulling up AFIS (Automated Fingerprint ID System) as Shaw joined them, "The arm wasn't the only thing in the bag. Lanie found a cell phone."

Javi held up the phone sealed in an evidence bag, "It didn't have any juice left, but she was able to pull some prints from it; three sets in fact; there were more, but the rest were too smudged to do us any good."

Shaw seemed to have pulled herself back from the edge of her abyss, "Was she able to get any prints from the handle of the bag?"

The program came up and Kevin typed in his ID and password followed by the case number, "Just a piece of a palm print and a few partials; nothing she could run, but could be helpful tying the bag to a suspect when we find him."

"The prints were overlays, but Lanie managed to lift them without damage. That's what's running now," Javi explained.

Just like a watched pot; they knew staring at the screen wasn't going to give them an answer any sooner, but not one of them could pull their eyes away. The first hit came with remarkable speed; all four saw it at the same time; all four were briefly speechless mired in disbelief.

"What the hell?" Steele was the first to find her voice.

"How is that possible?" Shaw stared at her.

"It's not," Steele looked steadily at each of them; no idea what else to say.

"Then how did your prints end up on a phone in our killer's bag?" All eyes tracked back to Steele, "I have no idea. I didn't touch any part of the duffle; inside or out."

A second alert drew them away from their emotionally fueled attack on Steele; this one came back with a "not found" tag meaning their guy was not in the system and had never been arrested.

Javi's mind was churning trying to find an explanation; he didn't, but he did get an idea. Taking the phone out of the evidence bag he glanced around the desk looking for something; unwilling to waste anymore time looking he called out, "Steele, toss me your iPhone charger."

She didn't answer; just ran to her desk, yanked it free from the wall socket and threw it to him. He plugged it in at his own terminal and waited for enough charge to fill the phone where it would power on if it was still functional. When the gray apple popped on the screen Javi announced, "The phone still works. It's powering up."

For the third time, AFIS alerted the team; another hit. Three sets of eyes locked on the monitor. Javi's gaze shifted from the phone's screen to their expressions; surprise; shock and unmistakable alarm were all over them as Ryan spoke, "It can't be."

Kevin's words were in sync with the reboot of the phone. Javi's demeanor morphed to mirror that of the others as he turned the screen toward them, "Guys…."

There was no doubt; the evidence indisputable. Castle's face was on the computer screen with the match to his prints and Kate Beckett's looked out at them as the wallpaper from the phone, "Son of a bitch. The bastard really does have him."

"Who has him?" Kate's stricken voice tore through each of them as their focus was jerked her way. She knew she had walked in on a major development but no one seemed overly anxious to be the one to bring her into the loop. Knowing how this kind of scenario worked better than just about anyone caused intense waves of fear to slam at Kate, suck the air from her lungs and the blood from her face shutting down her ability to say anything more.

Kate's anemic pallor released Steele from the frozen state that had gripped the foursome the instant they had become aware of her presence allowing Morgan to cross the room to where she stood in the opening to the bullpen.

Before she could say a word, Kate did, a look just shy of hysteria in her eyes, "Steele, where's Castle? Who has him?"

Steele glanced back at the boys and Shaw hoping someone who knew Kate better than she did would step into the overtly delicate moment; no one did. The two women's eyes met; the words to come as hard to say as they were to hear, "Shaw and I spotted him. Something spooked him and he disappeared into the crowd. I'm sorry, Kate; he got away."

"He got away," Kate repeated the words; giving them life; credence; forcing her conscious mind to accept them.

Steele nodded and continued, "He dropped a duffle bag with the last body part inside."

"How does any of that prove he has Castle?" A sliver of hope crept into her question.

Shaw couldn't just sit back and watch anymore, "There was a phone in the bag."

Javi too drew in close, "It's his, Kate."

He extended the device toward her. Mechanically; with robotic automaticity, she took it from him. Her heart compressed with dread, she typed in his code, her name, with trembling unreliable fingers, and the bright red "wrong passcode" message glared back at her. For a split second she let herself think they might be wrong; this wasn't Castle's phone even though her own visage was easily seen below the grayscale of the pass code entry keypad.

The second time she entered 5283, the phone unlocked ripping away that second of false promise; flinging her into an emotional pit; despair reaching for her threatening to drag her under. It took every ounce of strength she had to claw her way free; regain enough clarity to be useful, "Did you get anything else from the bag?"

The timorous flutter in Kate's voice compelled Kevin to join the group gathered around her, "The arm was wrapped in the same heavy duty plastic Lanie found in wound tracts of the other body parts."

Kevin faltered; emotion clouding his own voice; the look on her face devastating to him, "The same trace that was on the outside of the bag is all over this larger piece of plastic. Lanie's running it down now."

Shaw finished briefing Kate with what they knew, "The canvass of the scene turned up nothing helpful. People saw what we did; a nondescript guy with a black duffle bag and a ball cap. When he dropped the bag and everyone saw the arm, they panicked giving him the cover he needed to escape in the chaos."

Javi could hardly stand to look at Kate's expression; it sent him grasping for something; anything, "Where exactly were you when you last saw him?"

"At the park. The one where he asked me to marry him," images of her last moments with Castle accessed her conscious mind; the sound of his voice; their words; the look on his face when she left; chose the job over him for what he had no way of knowing was the last time she would ever do so. She found the memory of their final encounter haunting; viscerally gut wrenching as she realized the impression that she had inadvertently left with him. One that had to make him question what they were to one another; where they were headed, if anywhere.

The ring on her finger twisted easily with pressure from her thumb symbolic of an epiphany; one that made everything easy; inordinately clear. It should always have been him; would always be now. There was no way she was going to allow those moments to be their last. She would find him and tell him; leave no doubt in his mind that he is her one and done.

Kate shoved away the emotion that had briefly debilitated her and settled in place a barrier against it made impenetrable with her resolve, "What's our next move?"

Kevin felt the change in her and it mobilized him, "I'll pull all the security cam footage I can find in and around the park."

Shaw's agreement with the plan was implicit as she made the next suggestion, "Agent Wallace will stay here with you and help pull and screen the footage. The rest of my team will check out the loft just in case Castle made it back there before he was grabbed." Her team leader had been standing on the peripheral of the group listening. He put the order into action as the words came from her lips.

"What about us?" Steele's obvious agitation rippled through the room.

"The morgue. The trace on the bag and the plastic are our best leads," Shaw's confidence had returned.

Kate looked from Kevin who was putting together a list of city cameras and businesses in the area of the park who used them, to Shaw, and finally to the agents preparing to head to the loft, "Yeah, fine. If anyone can lead us to this guy, Lanie can."

Javi walked with the women toward the elevator, "Lanie doesn't know yet that the phone is Castle's."

Kate's mouth was drawn into a tight line; eyes solidly focused; mentally where she needed to be. It wasn't Bracken who had taken him after all. He was in the hands of a serial killer. The detective in her, not the federal agent, would get him back.

Steele stepped inside the elevator behind Beckett and Shaw, "I've got this, Espo. You help Kevin screen that footage. Find me something. Find it fast."

Javi glanced one last time at Kate before he strode away from the elevator's closing doors grateful to have something to do. He sank into his desk chair as Kevin tossed him half of the list of businesses in the area of the park who might have external security cameras. His sparring thoughts having driven him to distraction stalled him getting immediately to work on it. The new evidence had proved his gut instinct wrong. He owed Kate an apology. He had all but accused her of being responsible for Castle's disappearance; endangering his life; her obsession with Bracken the catalyst. Whether his captor had been the sociopathic politician or was the psychotic serial killer, Javi was forced to admit that the writer had a nose for trouble and trouble seemed to have a thing for him too. Up to this point he had managed to talk, think, or luck his way out of every situation in which he had previously found himself. Javi hoped that same luck was with him now; he was going to need it.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X- Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets

_She's the best at what she does, hears it all the time, the pressure of living up to expectations, this case, self doubt, possible failure, the loss of a friend, devastation, it simply isn't an option. _

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-


	23. Chapter 23

A/N Quicker update than last week! Running out of time! Wanna wrap 226 before Season 6!

Thanks for the reviews – grateful for the motivation - some days I really need it!

226 Miles

Chapter 23

Lanie heard them before she saw them; voices urgent; steps purposeful; knowing full well what they wanted; needed from her. What took her by surprise; made the case more real; upped the ante was seeing Beckett come through the door, "Kate."

The two friends embraced wordlessly. Shaw and Steele hung back to give them a moment, but only just that. Time was not on their side; every second counted and Shaw wasn't about to waste a single one, "Lanie, anything come back on the trace from the bag or the plastic?"

Lanie gave Kate a reassuring look and squeeze of her hand before she gave her full attention to Shaw, "There was a fine powdery substance all over the outside of the bag. The same was true of the plastic sheeting."

"Were you able to identify it?" Kate engaged with Lanie as if she had never been gone; their rhythm still present; obvious to everyone in the room.

Shaw glanced at Steele looking for a reaction; any sign of a looming turf war. Though she studied carefully there was literally no return from the detective whatsoever in response. When Shaw had arrived at the precinct, an immediate and tangible territorial issue had materialized between them that only time and multiple opportunities to build trust diminished. So in that moment, it struck Jordan as odd that Morgan was so willing to hang back; give up control; allow Kate the lead. The 12th was Steele's house now; Lanie was her medical examiner; the boys her team.

Shaw's contemplations unexpectedly provided her with a viable theory. One that if proved true, would explain what appeared to be behavior out of character for Steele. That tragedy had preordained a bond between the women that upon meeting took them beyond empathy; forged kindred spirits through mutual loss. It would not take much to believe that in this instance what separated them; made them more likely adversaries than friends, would pale when compared to what their common experience had extracted. There was no denying that life had brutally dissembled them; trial by fire and death and it stood poised to do so again.

Lanie glanced at Steele as well, aware of the imbalance of power in the room and the fact that Kate was far too emotionally invested to be objective, "Morgan, come and look at this." Lanie gestured to a slide she had under the microscope.

Steele stepped forward, put her eye to the lens and asked, "What am I looking at doc?"

"Fiberglass."

"Fiberglass? What kind?" Steele questioned as her mind began running through all of the things she could think of that were made of fiberglass; it was a long list.

"Fiberglass is basically all the same regardless of its intended use. The difference comes in with the kind of chemicals that are used on it when preparing it for specific purposes," Lanie explained.

Kate walked up to the microscope and took a look once Steele had backed away from it, "And what did the chemicals on this stuff tell you?"

"This powdered fiberglass is from a boat; most likely the hull," Lanie announced with certainty.

"How can we use that to narrow our search?" Shaw interrupted.

Lanie gave her the hold on and I'll tell you look that she was famous for, "There are traces of polysulfide, polyurethane, and silicone on the fiberglass. That combination tells me that the fiberglass has been treated for use in water. The different chemicals bind to different materials on a boat making it water tight."

Steele jumped back in to the fray with a clarifying question, "Anything special about these chemicals that would allow us to track where they came from?"

Lanie shook her head, but did have something more for her, "The fineness of the powder tells me that this stuff came from a fiberglass hull that was either being built or was under repair using an industrial sander. You won't get residue this fine with anything less."

"So our guy is hiding out in a boat yard?" Steele speculated out loud.

"It's definitely a possibility. I did some checking and this type of plastic is commonly used to shrink wrap high end boats prior to shipping," Lanie informed them furthering the link to some kind of marine related location.

Steele took out her phone intending to call Espo and Kevin and get them searching for shipyards in the area that used their brand of shrinkable plastic, but Lanie stopped her, "One more thing that might help. That piece of plastic I found wrapped around the arm came from the end of an old roll of the plastic."

Steele had a feeling that this might be the ticket they were looking for, "How do you know that?"

"I found a series of numbers that ran along the edge of one side. I was able to track the specific manufacturer through them. When I called they said the numbers were from a sequence used by an obsolete coding system; one they phased out over five years ago. They told me it would take some time to figure out where it had shipped and when, but they would get back to me within the hour."

A thin film; a mist covered Kate's eyes as they implored Lanie for help, "That phone from the bag, Lanie, it's his."

Confusion briefly clouded her face; replaced suddenly by understanding; shock and finally fear, "Oh my god. I didn't know."

"Did you tell them how important that information is; that it was a matter of life and death?" Kate couldn't keep all of the emotion that had suddenly welled up in her out of her voice.

Lanie gazed at her softly and spoke gently, "I did. I told them. They promised to let me know as soon as they find something."

Shaw had to do something quickly to prevent the emotional ledge Kate found herself on from derailing a train of thought that was beginning to look promising, "This guy would need privacy; a place to hold the victims before he killed them; someplace secluded enough where he could dismember them without being discovered. Not to mention the need he would have to store the parts over an extended period. There's no way that could go in at a working shipyard; not even a small one."

Steele seized on Shaw's idea, "What about an abandoned one? Some place that has been out of business for at least five years that used that shrink wrap." She paced a few steps then turned suddenly, "Our guy didn't buy the stuff. He started using it because he found it; left there by the previous owners." Steele's phone was still in her hand and she was on it filling Ryan in on what he should be searching for before she made it out the door.

"Beckett, that would explain the change in his MO," Jordan could feel it; they were closing in on him again. "Lanie, let us know the minute you hear back on the company that purchased that plastic."

She nodded an assurance to Shaw watching helplessly while Kate grappled with the opposing forces of desperation and renewed hope, "Thank you, Lanie."

Lanie hugged Kate once more; tightly; fiercely; comforting herself as much as she was Kate, "Sweetie, you don't need to thank me; just use what I found to get our boy back."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The elevator doors opened to virtual pandemonium in homicide. At a time of night when there would normally be only a skeleton team of detectives manning the bullpen, the room was jammed to capacity with officers. Each of them present because they had chosen to be; had heard the call and come without question. They were there for Castle; Steele; Kate, Javi and Kevin; for the whole 12th family.

Even Captain Victoria Gates stepped out from her office to meet them, "I got here as soon as I could."

"Sir, I thought you were in Mexico on vacation?" Steele was questioning her own recollection about where the captain had been for the last few days.

"I was detective, but when I heard about Mr. Castle, I hopped the first plane back to the states," Gates answered Steele's question, but Kate held her focus. "Agent Beckett, how are you holding up?" the personal inquiry jostled Kate's frayed emotions which were being held tenuously at bay.

Kate flinched at the use of her AG title troubled by how important it had once been to her; how little it meant now, "I'm fine, sir. I just need to find Castle."

"That's exactly what we're gonna do; get you your writer back," the concern in Gates' words and in her face was genuine; her sincerity heartfelt.

"Thank you, Captain," she answered purposefully; the title coming from her out of respect.

"I got it!" Lanie came running from the elevator toward the group gathered around the detectives' desk.

Kevin lunged at his computer; fingers poised over the keyboard, trembling with the force of adrenaline waiting for the name.

"East Coast VIP Marine," Lanie shoved the information out as fast as she could; still running when she reached them.

The team pushed in tightly around Kevin's desk; the room noiseless; still; waiting to see if this would be it; the key to finding Castle, the missing doctor, their elusive killer. After only a few seconds Ryan pulverized the silence yelling out loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, "Main Street and 3rd Avenue, Port Washington on Long Island. They closed four and a half years ago."

Steele stepped away from the group into the middle of the room; taking control; responsibility, "This is it people. One of our own is out there and he's counting on us to come for him. Gear up. Everyone goes on this; everyone. This jackass isn't getting away again."

Steele watched the room erupt in frenetic purposeful movement. Only then did her gaze find Shaw; preparing herself for a challenge she dug in emotionally; prepared to stand her ground, "What do you say Shaw?"

Jordan eyed the detective; hesitated briefly; weighed her options before allowing a slightly self-deprecating smile to cross her lips, "Your house, your team, your call."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X- (Follow on Twitter at Castleficlets)

_They are coming at this from opposing sides, burdened by the past, experience shaping their lives, an unspoken alliance binds them this time, partner, lover, friend, they each have their reasons, this case, getting him back, it's everything to them. _

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N This chapter addresses the culmination of one of the major plot lines – only one week left…Still a lot of story to tell. **_

_**Acknowledgements: Yoda – couldn't have gotten this chapter "right" without your advice, suggestions, and reflections. Thank you for being my betaboy! You are invaluable to my process. **_

_**PAK_321 thank you for sharing your amazing stream of consciousness with me for my story.**_

_**Finally to those who faithfully review - it's chapters like this one where your support rallies me. Many, many thanks.**_

226 Miles

Chapter 24

Time was closing in on midnight when an imposing combined FBI and NYPD contingent reached East Coast Marine. The defunct shipyard sat back from the road; defiant in its abandonment; foreboding in the darkness that had usurped it; night having cleaved away at what little could be seen of the place from the street in the daylight. The location a classic example of a place that makes the fine hairs on the back of the neck stand up in warning for most, yet serves as invitation; a lure beyond resistance for that faction of society that has chosen to exist on the other side of morality's coin. It was the kind of place you see in the movies; a place where bad things happen.

The front entrance was chained shut as one would expect; rust from the metal links dusted the ground beneath it indicating a tangible effort to keep unwanted guests out had been made at the time the business had gone under. The lock too showed the effects of having been exposed to the elements for an extended period. Nothing had been disturbed here; not for a long time.

Steele and Shaw stood side by side; hand held flashlights dimly revealing their immediate surroundings; considering their next move, "There has to be a back way in."

Shaw nodded in agreement as Steele spoke to Ryan and Espo, "Find it. Take two teams with you."

The boys had been waiting; twitching in their own skin as they lingered nearby. They traded looks, but no words and disappeared into the darkness.

The two women stared straight ahead as far as their eyes could reach; the outline of a large metal structure; a warehouse of some kind loomed in the distance, "Think he knows we're here?"

Steele's gaze was piercing, "Yeah, he knows."

"How you wanna play this?" Shaw's continued support and deference served as a confidence boost to Steele.

Morgan walked toward the back of Shaw's SUV which was open and illuminated with the glow of high tech wizardry. Steele awakened the screen of a lap top with a touch; then pulled up the three dimensional schematic of the boatyard they had analyzed back at the precinct. "He may know we're coming, but he doesn't know we're here in this kind of force."

"I need to get close enough to read for heat signatures. That will at least give us some idea of how many people we're dealing with inside," Shaw realized what she was implying, intentionally leaving Steele to make her own inferences; the words themselves too hard to voice.

Steele hadn't missed the message, "You go in hard through the front; lights and sirens; take up position around the perimeter. Get his attention. Meanwhile, I breach with the team through the back entrance."

Listening to her words, Shaw wondered how closely they mirrored those of Jack Spencer the night Steele's world had exploded in smoke and flames. Morgan's face was detached of emotion; unreadable, raising more concern than confidence in Shaw.

The silence Shaw left between them seized Steele's attention; yanking it from the computer screen. Shaw's lag in response time distracted the detective and she found herself looking over her shoulder at the massive collection of officers and agents waiting for orders; her orders. Her scan of the group stalled when she found Beckett all the way at the back of a sea of various police, tactical and federal vehicles; leaning against an NYPD patrol unit; arms crossed; jaw drawn into a harsh line; eyes looking past Steele and Shaw into the darkness behind the fence. She told herself it had been the correct call; allowing Kate access to only the periphery of the raid. She was too close to the situation; too personally involved if Castle was inside. Logic and protocol dictated that she had to hang back and wait.

As Steele continued to observe Beckett her radio crackled garnering her attention. It was the boys updating her on their progress in finding another way in, "Made entry through a back gate on the southwest corner."

Steele's response was immediate, "Hold your position and stay out of sight."

The 10-4 cut through the tension and darkness sending a ripple of unrest passing through the teams waiting for a command. Steele was about to give an order, but stopped short and instead depressed the talk button on her radio, "Was the back gate locked?"

Her finger slipped from the button allowing a response from the team staking out the back of the shipyard, "That's a negative. It was unlocked and standing open about two feet."

"What are you thinking?" Shaw questioned; her observation of Steele ongoing.

"That seem off to you; him leaving the back gate unlocked; standing open?" her face clouded; previously strangled emotions triggered and threatening to surface.

Shaw's concern quickly arced toward apprehension with what she was seeing in Steele. Was it possible that her experience in DC left her overly cautious causing her to second guess every move; each decision? "Not if he was in a hurry. Things didn't go as planned for him tonight. He never intended to leave that bag behind; for us to find Castle's phone. He's in panic mode."

Steele experienced a surge of self-doubt; Shaw saw it, "You up for this detective?"

The challenge by Shaw jarred her free from it, "You just worry about your part and I'll do the same."

"Fine," Shaw backed away from the SUV intending to brief the large contingent of officers who would be following her up the main drive.

Steele broke their eye contact at which point Shaw turned away. Morgan took off at a dead run for the back of the yard. She could feel Kate's eyes following her movements; imploring her. Before she rounded the corner into the blackness of the darkened shipyard, she stopped, looked back at Beckett and almost imperceptibly tilted her head in the direction of the back entrance.

Kate checked Shaw to see where her attention was; at that moment she was off the radar. Looking back toward the fence line, Kate could just make out Steele's waiting form. The self control it took for her to make it look like she was just changing location and not actually up to something was immense. When she slipped into the shadows with Morgan, they bolted simultaneously making up for seconds lost.

Reaching the back, they found the gate easily. Just like Javi had said, it was open as if waiting for them to arrive; an invitation; one that made Steele uneasy.

"Was this gate open when the boys came through?" Kate whispered apparently struck by the same thought.

Steele nodded, "Weird, huh?"

"Yeah, this guy is highly organized; meticulous. Don't think he'd leave this open unless he intended for us to use it," Kate's profile of the killer came into play.

Steele went to her radio, "Ryan, Espo, what's your twenty?"

Static preceded their answer, "There are a bunch of metal barrels about ten yards from the back entrance. We're using them for cover."

Steele locked gazes with Kate, "You ready?"

"Morgan," Kate reached out and held her arm stopping her from taking off.

"Yeah?" Steele thought she knew what was coming.

"Thank you for this," there was far more than just sincerity in Kate's voice and if there was any doubt where it was coming from, the rest was revealed in her eyes.

In that moment Steele knew that Beckett was aware of her past; of DC; what she had lost, what had motivated her to allow Kate to be in on the breach, "No need to thank me, Kate. Just don't get yourself or anyone else killed and we're good."

A slight smiled crossed Kate's face in spite of the situation, "I think I can manage that."

Keeping low, the two women crossed the open space to the barrels inching up beside Javi and Kevin. Neither looked shocked nor displeased to see Beckett arrive with Steele, "Anything so far?"

"Not a damn thing," Javi's tone was frustrated; strained with anxiety.

Steele got back on the radio, "Shaw, light him up!"

"10-4. Headed in now," Shaw's response came through with the onset of sirens and lights.

Steele quickly explained the plan for breaching the warehouse before making an inquiry, "Has anyone checked out the door?"

"No, we waited for you," Kevin told her.

"Be right back," Steele jetted toward the door depending on the darkness to cover her approach.

Javi's urgently whispered call died on the air without reaching her, "Steele! Wait!"

Kevin looked at Kate, "Sometimes it's like you never left."

"I know, bro, right?" Javi offered up a fist bump which Kevin promptly met.

Just as quickly as she disappeared, Steele was back, but she was unsettled; rattled even, "The door is unlocked. No way that's another lucky coincidence."

The boys and Kate answered at the same time, "Something's not right."

Shaw's voice broke through on the radio, "One confirmed heat signature in the center of the building; appears stationary. There are a couple of other signatures that could be people, but I can't be sure; they keep fluctuating. The power company says this place has been unplugged since it shut down, but there's light coming through the windows. I'm thinking there's a generator in there. Could be one of the signatures I'm seeing."

Steele answered, "So we don't really know anymore than we did before."

The slight hesitation picked at everyone as they waited for an answer to come through, "No, no we don't."

"The gate was open, the back door is unlocked; something about this is all wrong," Steele told her as a courtesy; not as a request for validation.

"You got a plan?" Shaw inquired believing that Steele's instincts were the only thing they had to go on at that point.

Steele took a deep breath; commanded her heart to slow its pace; willed her mind to stay in the present. She had an idea, "There are ventilation windows all along the east side of the building. I saw a ladder leading to the roof right beside the door."

"I'll go," Javi offered.

Steele shook him off, "They're really narrow and open on a hinge from the top. We'll be lucky if I fit through. Javi, you cover me from the bottom of the ladder. I'll climb up and see if I can get one open, drop inside and check things out in case there are any unpleasant surprises waiting for us."

Kate found herself suddenly afraid; not just for Castle, but for Steele, "Be careful."

Steele tried to smile reassuringly, but it belied the strain she was under, "Always."

This time when Morgan disappeared into the darkness, Javi trailed her leaving Kevin, Kate and eight tactical officers in a holding pattern.

Kevin relayed the information to Shaw whose own anxiety level had taken a distinctive upward turn, "Ryan, you watch her six. You got me?"

Peering over the top of the barrel he was hiding behind, Ryan could see Steele slipping through a window. When she had completely disappeared, he updated Shaw, "She's in."

In what felt like ten minutes, but was actually more like two, the back door inched open. Javi gave the signal for the team to advance and everyone was inside in less than thirty seconds; including Kate.

The room they found themselves in was cluttered with the remnants of the boat company. Unfinished hulls eerily listed on their sides, that same powdery dust caked everything and sifted into the air with every movement. Each step they took recorded; imprinted in the fine fiberglass dust that had led them there in the first place.

Steele motioned for the two tactical teams to split up and clear every nook and crevice as they worked their way toward the center of the building where Shaw had picked up the heat signatures. Javi and Kevin indicated that they would go wide left leaving Kate and Morgan to team up and move right.

"Never thought we would end up partners," Kate murmured softly registering the ironic nature of the moment.

Steele double checked her gun; confirmed the round in the chamber and before heading out answered, "Who knows? if we actually live through this, we might end up friends." Steele was grinning at Kate as though she found humor in the observation. Her lag into levity vanished as quickly as it had appeared leaving Kate to drop in behind her; it was time to move.

Soundlessly the breach teams made their way toward a huge bay door that stood in the middle of the warehouse. Having ensured that there was no one behind them, there was nothing left to do but meet in the center and push through to whatever awaited them inside.

"Kate, you come in behind tactical," Steele ordered.

Grateful to be part of the plan at all, she nodded her agreement; hoarding the urge that roiled within her; one that begged to be given an excuse; the opportunity, to put the person who took Castle in the ground.

Steele radioed Shaw, "We're about to head into the room where the heat signatures are."

"Affirmative. Simultaneous breach from the front," Shaw informed her.

"Negative. Negative. Wait for my signal," Steele's voice was a command, but Shaw heard pleading behind it.

"I'll give you sixty seconds. If I don't hear from you, we're coming in," Shaw compromised hoping she wasn't making a big mistake.

"Sixty seconds. Affirmative. We're a go," Steele's final words started the countdown for Shaw.

She took point without discussion; was the first one through the door followed closely by Espo and Ryan. The room was enormous and for the most part vacant. The tactical teams surged past her disappearing into all corners; searching for Castle; for the doctor; hunting for the hunter.

"Tactical find our two kidnap victims. They could be the source of those fluctuating heat signatures," Steele snapped out her orders as her vision was drawn to the middle of the room.

The only light they could see emanated from the very center of the vast space where a gurney glowed under its rays; ominous in its entreaty to come closer. Kate's spontaneous utterance of Castle's name the only sound beyond their footfalls. They closed the distance, slowed their pace as hyper vigilance set in. A sheet draped the still form prone beneath it. All eyes followed the path of the tubes running from bags of liquid hanging from IV poles and into the body under the covers.

Kate got there first; her movements appearing to be in slow motion, desperate to know, but afraid to find out. Her hand reached to pull back the sheet. Javi and Kevin waited a few steps away unable to watch anything but her; they held their breath without knowing it.

Steele's eyes continued to dart around the immediate area; searching; desperate to find the source of her unease. Doubt slipped quietly into her thoughts. She began to wonder if Shaw had been right. That their killer had simply panicked and run knowing it was the only play he had remaining.

What happened next seemed to take place in a vacuum. Figuring that her sixty seconds were all but gone, Steele reached for her radio to let Shaw know to stand down. It was then that she saw it; a ray from her flashlight struck the thinnest strand of twine running from under the sheet on the far side of the gurney to a barrel that sat next to it presumably acting as a makeshift table.

A quick read of the label imprinted in bold text on its side told her that at the time it was shipped to the boatyard it held fifty gallons of an epoxy resin used in waterproofing. Instantly, Steele knew what the dust was that covered the floor, coated the plastic sheeting they found and every other available surface in the warehouse. It wasn't just fiberglass, but fiberglass dust saturated with epoxy resin; a highly combustible combination.

A closer inspection removed any doubt from her mind that the barrel was full when Steele's eyes traced the twine to the base of the barrel to where it tied off to what she recognized as an igniter; an igniter with a timer.

Steele lunged for Kate, dropping her radio, failing to call off Shaw, but stopping her from disturbing the trap. Morgan crashed into Kate with momentum that loosed the sheet from her grasp. The only word she managed to force into the room sent everyone back tracking the way they came, "Bomb!"

Morgan wrapped Kate in a bear hug and rolled them both away from the gurney. True to her word, Shaw came through the door, but halted her entry when she saw Steele tackle Kate and Javi, Kevin and the tactical teams in full retreat.

The boys weren't so sure the visual was enough to keep Shaw at bay and began screaming, "There's a Bomb! Stay back!"

Shaw ordered her teams out the front while simultaneously calling for the bomb disposal unit. As she did, two burning questions rested on her tongue. Who was under that sheet and what the hell was Kate Beckett doing in the building?

Steele was on her feet leaving Kate to get to hers, "Sergeant, did you find anyone?"

"Negative. The rest of the building is clear. The other two heat signatures were generators. One is still running and the other hasn't been off line long," the officer in charge of the tactical teams informed her.

Steele had known it all along, their killer was gone and they had just missed him. The only thing left to do was find out who was under that sheet and who was still missing. "Get everyone out of here, Shaw!" Steele bellowed.

"No!" Kate ran back toward the gurney, but Javi and Kevin stopped her before she could get close.

"BDU is in route. ETA thirteen minutes," Shaw yelled to Steele.

Steele had moved to the barrel; knelt down and was inspecting the detonation system, "We don't have thirteen minutes! We've got less than five before this whole place goes up."

Shaw began shouting orders into the radio to get everyone back; vehicles and personnel outside the perimeter of the main fence, "Steele, it's time to go. There's nothing more we can do here!"

Steele ignored her, "Espo, get over here!"

Javi was at her side in seconds, "This looks pretty basic to me like he put it together in a hurry, but I'm no expert."

Espo tracked the twine to where it disappeared under the sheet and under the body, "It's booby trapped. You move the victim under that sheet and it explodes for sure. You mess with the igniter on the barrel and that will probably set the thing off. We wait until the timer winds down and well..."

Steele's mouth twisted into an anxious grin, "You're just a ray of sunshine, Esposito." He returned a gallows smile of his own.

The two were distracted by Kate's voice as she struggled with Kevin, "I have to see if it's him, Ryan. I have to know if Castle is really gone."

Steele gave Javi a nonverbal go ahead. As he stood up and reached for the edge of the sheet closest to where the head would be everyone stopped talking; moving; breathing. His face stoic; Javi braced for the worst case scenario.

"It's not him, Beckett. It's not Castle," his voice cracked under the weight of his own relief.

Kate slumped against Kevin; he held her to keep her from sliding to the ground. "Now get her out of here!" Shaw ordered crossing to Steele and Javi from the doorway.

Javi gingerly slid his fingers across her throat to check the carotid artery for a pulse. He was shocked when he found one, "The doctor is still alive! We need EMS!"

Steele studied the tubes and bags realizing that she was probably heavily sedated as a way to keep her from trying to escape, "Probably knocked out with his cocktail of choice."

"Ketamine and Oxy," Shaw surmised believing Steele was probably right.

Morgan continued to voice her thought process, "If we disconnect her, she might move and set off the bomb. If we don't, she could die from an overdose."

Javi checked the igniter timer, "In about four minutes it won't matter either way."

Shaw had slipped in beside them, "I'm calling this. Everyone needs to evacuate."

Steele stared her down, "Not your party, Shaw."

"It is now," she wasn't going to let this moment become the atonement Morgan thought she owed her friends for surviving that day in DC when they didn't.

Steele wasn't backing down, "Espo, what's most likely going to happen if I cut this twine?"

Espo looked from Steele to Shaw to the timer and back to Steele again; his loyalty never in question, "It won't stop the igniter, but it should sever the connection to whatever is under there."

"Any idea what that might be?" Steele watched as the timer ticked down to three minutes.

Javi gently shoved his hand under the doctor's back; his fingers creeping along the path of the string, "It feels like a grenade. The smaller explosion would set off the barrel when she's moved and that explosion will ignite all of this epoxy dust." Javi had seen primitive set ups like this one take out two or three men at a time when he was in the military.

"Two and a half minutes," Shaw's urgency pushed them to decide quickly as time was running out.

"I cut the twine, reach under, grab and clamp down on the spring assembly on the grenade head. You snag the doc and run like hell," Steele rattled off her plan to Javi as she pulled out a small pocket knife from her jeans. "What do you say, Espo?"

His expression was all the answer she needed, "You realize this place is still going to blow when that timer runs out."

"Yes, but hopefully none of us will still be here," Steele was admitting her plan had its short comings, but no one had a better one.

Steele then turned to Shaw, "Time for you to go, Jordan," she instructed.

Shaw felt like her feet were anchored in concrete, "I can't just leave you here."

"You can and you will. You've got a daughter to think about; a husband to make it home to," Steele knew it was a cheap shot, but she was willing to use anything that might make Shaw leave.

Javi interjected, "She's right, Shaw. This is how it has to go."

"You said it yourself, we're running out of time," Steele pleaded with her while getting herself into position to carry out her role in the hastily pieced together plan. "We'll be right behind you. I promise."

Ninety seconds passed by on the timer; Shaw caved and turned to go; understanding a continued stalemate would only cost precious seconds they would undoubtedly need to get clear of the impending explosion.

Espo and Steele locked eyes; sweat beading on his brow and upper lip, "Hey if we make it out of this in one piece, you should come with me and Ryan sometime to our favorite dive and throw back a few."

Steele grinned wildly; sapphire blue eyes manic with adrenalin; her brain purged of any residual fear about what might happen next, "You buying?"

"Hell yeah, partner," Javi assured her; needing her to know that he considered her one of them.

The instant that Shaw disappeared through the door, Steele's knife sliced through the IV lines connecting the doctor to them. The twine made a slight popping sound as she cut it and the hand she had curved around the grenade clamped down simultaneously on what she could only hope was the spring assembly that would render the grenade inert until she could find something to act as a pin.

On her signal Javi slung Petra Morales over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and began running as fast as he ever had in his life for the front exit. He glanced back once to check that Steele was behind him. When he saw that she had the grenade in hand, he knew that at least the first part of their plan had worked, so he doubled his efforts to escape quickly knowing that they needed to do more than just get out of the building to survive the ensuing blast.

Steele's grip on the grenade handle was so tight that her fingers tingled with the beginnings of numbness. She started to chase Javi intending to follow his exact path through the warehouse and out the front door when the pain in her fingers reminded her that she had to be certain that no matter what, she didn't lose her grip on the grenade even during the explosion of the resin barrel. It was that realization that caused her to change course; sent her running out the back door; the way she had come in; away from where she knew everyone else would be.

Javi broke through the front door at a dead run. He stumbled, but managed to keep his footing; dared a look behind him; trying to locate Steele; she wasn't there. He was counting in his head; estimating how many seconds more they had to put distance between themselves and a building that was soon to be nothing more than flying shrapnel.

Just before the explosion it seemed as though the building itself had taken a deep breath in preparation for its own demise; the air had stilled; all sound had ceased. The concussion waves blew Javi off his feet and tumbling forward slamming hard into the earth. He managed to hang on to Petra Morales with only his fingertips. Once on the ground, he covered the doctor's body with his own and his arms flew up over his own head offering what protection they could.

When the debris began to settle, Javi tried to stand, but was disoriented by a sharp ringing in both ears that was so pronounced that it was blurring his vision. He was immediately surrounded by tactical officers, FBI, and teams from the 12th. As he struggled to maintain his feet with some help from Ryan and Shaw, he watched Petra Morales being moved to an ambulance for immediate transport by waiting EMS.

Jordan and Kevin held him by each arm. Kate stood in front of him attempting to ask him a question, "What happened to Steele? Where is she, Javi?"

When he finally understood what she was asking, he jerked free of the hands supporting him and stumbled a few steps back toward what was now only a hole in the ground filled with trash, "Didn't you see her come out? She was right behind me."

Ryan stepped in front of him, stopping Espo from getting any closer to the burning remnants of what once was East Coast VIP Marine. He roughly grabbed his face, forcing Javi to look at him, "She never came out, bro. She didn't make it, Javi. Steele's gone."

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**She needs to find him, they have been slowly growing apart over time, time to make things right, his boyish ways, his clever mind, the moment of realization, her life, her job, everything, it all means nothing without him by her side.**

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	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N – Patience – I thank you for yours. Sorry it has been a while since my last update, but life has been keeping me busy. I intended this chapter to have another scene, but decided to go ahead and post as a sign of good faith that yes, I will finish it.**_

226 Miles

Chapter 25

After the explosion an argument raged; was she dead? The bedrock of the presumption was summarily disproved; laid to waste by the pain being conveyed through her whole system with each shallow intake of breath; shock waves circulating; lacerating along the path of injury. She wasn't certain of course, but she held fast to the intuition that told her that feeling pain that was both excruciating and ceaseless after death seemed inconceivable; improbable; absurd. And if that wasn't enough, the bruising weight across her spine that held her pinned to the ground further established that luck, of a sort, had been on her side once again; confirming for Detective Morgan Steele; that at least for now; she was very much alive.

Acrid smoke provoked tears from her eyes; they streamed thickly in a vain attempt to try and clear her vision. She had lost her bearings after being inhaled by the explosion; hurtled through debris permeated air and expelled some distance from where she started; discarded into complete darkness behind what was left of the decimated shipyard. Her best theory was that she had landed somewhere along the fence line that led to the water since that was where she had been headed hoping to divest herself of the grenade when she had simply run out of time.

The fight she waged to remain conscious had been and still was of paramount importance and becoming more problematic as seconds crawled by. Somehow Steele had managed to hold on to the grenade even after absorbing assorted bone jarring blows; the first of which came in the form of shock waves affiliated with the enormous blast, another when she slammed into the ground with such force that she swore she could feel bones splintering and one final hit when a large, heavy piece of debris landed on top of her trapping her beneath its immense weight.

When she first registered the sound; their calls for her; Morgan speculated that she might be in the throes of hallucination; where help was near; where her imprisonment was close to an end. As the calls became louder; closer; real, she struggled to answer them, but found it impossible to expand her chest enough to take in the air needed to produce any sound above a whisper. Whatever was holding her down had made it virtually impossible to move and increasingly difficult to breathe. As hard as she tried, all she could manage was a weak, ineffectual, "Here…"

Kate had been the first to determine that an intensive search of the back lot needed to be done immediately after the explosion, "Steele's alive. She made it out the back way. There's no way she would allow herself to go out like this; not after everything she's been through."

Kevin and Javi jogged along beside her passing quizzical looks back and forth wondering exactly what Kate was referring to, "I saw her, Beckett. She was following me out the front and then the place blew."

"Javi, something happened in there that made her veer from the plan. She went this way for a reason," Kate's conviction fired Javi and Kevin with a flicker of hope that shifted their thinking her way.

"Yeah, okay. She's here; has to be," and Espo's calls for Steele became louder and more demanding than anyone else's.

Kevin searched nearby pushing mounds of debris aside, "We need lights back here. I can't see a damn thing."

"Quiet!" a voice the team didn't readily recognize called out in the blackness. "I think I heard something."

Shaw strode up beside Kate and the boys, "Turn all the radios off. I want thirty seconds of complete silence!"

The first fifteen seconds there was only the crackling of the fire consuming the remains of the warehouse. The next ten were filled with the night sounds of crickets, water birds hunting for their next meal, and passing traffic on the surrounding roads.

It was those last five seconds that probably saved her life; for in them Steele went to a place inside herself where only those who have faced death and survived have been; a place where Hail Mary plays are crafted; where seemingly lost causes are granted a last second reprieve. Awareness of the gravity of her situation spurred her on; Steele sucked in air beyond the meager space she thought she had and projected a call for help reflective of the fact that her life was dependent upon it, "Here!"

Having expended the last of her reserves emotionally and physically, Morgan's ears buzzed as the gray of unconsciousness came for her; pulled her away from the scene; leaving her less aware of the moment; her situation; a fate that was beginning to define itself as unavoidable. Time ceased to matter; being found didn't seem so important after all; the explosive in her hand drifted from her thoughts and her grasp.

"I've got it, Steele. You can let go now," a voice she knew, but couldn't quite place assured her.

Trusting in it because she lacked another choice; because she found herself wanting to; her fingers relaxed; releasing the grenade. It was the last thing Morgan did before unconsciousness wrapped her battered body in its protection finally allowing her the kind of respite from the night's events that only oblivion could provide.

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Steele opened her eyes to find herself propped up on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. "Welcome back detective," the paramedic spoke to her in a tone that was orchestrated to illicit calm; soothe the fragile psyche.

Steele looked past him out the back of the truck. Struggling to breathe deeply, she surmised that she had at least one broken rib inside somewhere, "Where's Agent Shaw?"

The paramedic's tone changed to one of admonition; his disapproving facial expression an added bonus, "You need to lay back and let us finish checking you out detective."

Steele cranked herself to a seated position; breath drawn through agonizing gasps as she swung her legs over the side of the gurney pulling the IV out of her arm, "You need to get out of my way."

Morgan jumped down from the back of the ambulance; pain ripped through her chest; doubling her over; freezing her in place momentarily while she struggled to recover. Whatever she had been trapped under had done its worst, "Steele, over here!"

Kate's voice distracted her from the pain, nausea and dizziness that migrated through her. Morgan had managed to completely compartmentalize it by the time she joined the team standing at the back of Shaw's SUV.

Shaw looked Steele up and down; expression reflective of the less than stellar condition she was in, "We just got a call from the precinct. My tech guys found something in the security cam footage. They're uploading it to us now."

The footage, she explained, was from a bank directly across the street from the park where Beckett had last seen Castle. When it finally began to stream across the screen, no one could move.

"There he is," Kevin announced as he watched Castle exiting the park and beginning to walk back in the direction of the precinct.

"He was coming back here," Javi's voice was overrun with anxiety as he continued to watch the scene unfold.

Within seconds a black van with sliding side panel doors pulled up in front of Castle blocking the camera's view of actual events. Seconds later when it pulled away, he was simply gone.

"What the hell just happened?" Javi was having trouble processing what he had just seen.

"Hang on, there's more," Shaw shared what she had been told by her guys; that they should watch the clip all the way through.

"What was that?" Kate asked suddenly.

"What was what?" whatever she had seen, the others had missed.

"Run it back and slow it down," Steele ordered meeting Kate's eyes briefly.

When they did they saw something fly from the passenger side window as though it had been purposefully tossed, "Can you zoom in on that?"

Shaw used the touch screen to manipulate the picture honing in on the area where the object had landed in the street next to the curb. As the film continued forward, they tried to identify the object. As they studied each frame, one by one, a hand reached into the zoomed image and picked it up. Shaw immediately backed the zoom out and couldn't contain an audible gasp when she saw who it was.

"That's our guy. That's freakin' Humpty," Kevin was incredulous.

"Son of a bitch; he was after Castle," Javi added equally as shocked as Kevin.

"Yeah, but it looks like somebody else got to him first," Shaw's gaze searched for Kate, but she had apparently slipped away from the group at some point. "Why would anyone want to kidnap Castle?"

"That's Castle's phone," Steele chimed in briefly distracting Shaw from her search for Kate.

Kevin looked perplexed, "So he never had him at all; just his phone?"

Steele nodded completely certain of it, "He saw the guys from the van ditch it after they grabbed him. He picked it up and kept it thinking it might come in handy at some point."

Shaw and Steele continued to review the footage for anything further they might be able to use to find out who really had taken Castle.

Javi and Kevin stepped away so they could talk privately, "Where's Beckett?"

"She's gone," Javi had no doubt about that. She might be a federal agent now; at least on the surface, but underneath it all; at her center; her heart; she was Detective Kate Beckett and that was who Castle needed most now.

"What do we do, Jav? This thing just went from bad to worse," Kevin asked carefully knowing Javi and how terribly wrong this conversation could go if he felt that he was being asked to be disloyal to Beckett.

"I don't know bro," for the first time since Montgomery's death Javi didn't seem so sure their pact of silence was going to allow everyone to come out of this thing alive.

"You know what almost happened the last time we kept this kind of secret," Kevin didn't really need to remind him, but he did it anyway.

"I know bro," Javi was torn; uncertain what to do. If only she hadn't just disappeared. "We have to find her."

Kevin thought hard about what to do next; his eyes on Morgan and Shaw. He knew what he would do if it was only up to him, "Hey, isn't Bracken in town tonight for one of those eco conferences?"

"Oh, shit. Yeah, it's at some hotel near Battery Park," Javi began walking toward their unit.

"If Beckett thinks Bracken took Castle, she might just put a bullet in him this time," Kevin wasn't joking and he didn't immediately follow Javi to the car. Instead he waited for Javi to notice and turn back around before he continued, "Are we really going to go down this road again, bro? You've seen what these people are capable of. It's Castle man...it's Castle." Kevin took several steps toward Javi to both make his point and to ensure they weren't over heard, "The don't want him, Javi. They want Beckett and what they think she has."

Javi's face was granite; immovable; unreadable. It had finally arrived; their moment of truth; two friends; partners; brothers. They had been on different sides before; had chosen divergent paths along the way and ultimately been okay. If they made that same choice again neither knew if that would still be the case. What they did know was that the decision they made this night would make or break their relationship and directly impact the fates of their two closest friends; a choice whose outcome would bring with it a weight they could end up carrying with them always.

The look they shared was tortured; conflicted, but true. Instinctively they both knew what came next, "We have to do this. We owe them that."

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They have been here before, their paths split last time, the near loss of a friend, secrets, lies, same dilemma, different time, this time, what path will they choose?

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	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N I know it has been a while since my last post. I can only offer my sincerest apologies sans excuses.**_

_**JC- Thank you for the encouragement to get back to it and for the thoughtful reflections on each draft. **_

_**This story is almost done. Chapter 27 will reveal all that remains hidden. There will be an epilogue. **_

226 Miles

Chapter 26

When Kate arrived at the Ritz Carlton in Battery Park she was grateful for her badge. The AG's office carried a weight with it that pried opened doors; sliced through red tape like a hot knife through butter; allowed for a direct approach. As she stood waiting in his suite, Kate stared out the window at the city she loved; a stunning early morning view of Lady Liberty directly in her line of sight drawing her focus as desperation sluiced through her veins, "Where are you, Rick?"

"Special Agent Beckett, to what do I owe the pleasure? Kind of late for a social call so I'm going to assume we have business," his snake oil salesman voice rankled Kate's already abraded nerves.

She spun abruptly from the window to face him; her eyes fired with emotion, "Where is he Bracken?"

The senator looked genuinely perplexed by her question, "What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?"

Kate was in no mood for games; her hand went to her gun; rested there, leaving it holstered; for now, "I'm not going to ask again."

Bracken watched her carefully; the agent was strung out; wound tightly to the point of snapping. He needed to tread carefully, "I can see that you are very upset about something; someone, agent, but I assure you that I don't have any idea what you are talking about. If you will tell me what's going on, maybe I can help."

A sneer traversed Kate's already grim expression as she crossed from the window to the middle of the room where he stood eyeing her, "You are going to tell me where Castle is in the next ten seconds or that scar under your eye won't be the only thing you have to remember me by."

The startled look on Bracken's face was no façade, "Your fiancé is missing?"

Kate battled what her instincts were already trying to tell her, "He's been off the grid since noon Saturday, but you already know that."

The senator raised both hands as if wanting to push the whole idea and Beckett away, "This is the first I have heard of it. I swear it."

Bracken showed no visible sign that he was lying, but Kate knew that there was no better liar on the planet than the one who stood in front of her now, "Why should I believe a word you say?"

The tension that had seized Bracken when Kate approached him slid free as he moved to the room's bar and began pouring himself a drink; whiskey neat, "We made a deal agent. I have kept my end of the bargain; am still keeping it. What about you?"

His profile revealed a jaw line that was pronounced, but lacked any real, identifiable tension to it, "Then explain this." Kate produced the video she had first seen at the boat yard. Her eyes trained on every nuance in his reaction as he took her phone and watched.

"Definitely a professional job," he hesitated as he handed the phone back to her, "but I had nothing to do with it."

Frustration; anger; and the desperation she had been struggling against earlier resurfaced tenfold, "You'll have to forgive me if I don't just take your word for it."

Kate's movements were fast; too fast for Bracken to register and respond to before she had him in her grasp; his right arm twisted behind his back and his wrist compressed forward in a hold that brought him to his knees; the steel of her Glock 22 grinding against the side of his skull.

Bracken grimaced in pain; his heart rate spiked and he began to sweat, but he didn't fight her, "If you think about it, you have no reason not to. You made it quite clear what would happen if any harm came to you or anyone that you care about."

His words; there was a logic to them; undeniably rational, but Kate wasn't in a place to accept that. She placed her mouth next to his ear; her tone low; menacing, "I will shoot you."

Bracken's voice remained steady, but he was clearly rattled, "I don't doubt that; not for a second, but I can't give you information I don't have; not even to save my own life."

Kate's anguish became an almost palpable presence in the room as she struggled with what she was hearing from him and what it meant for Castle, "The night you saved me from the car bomb, I told you that I owed you one."

Kate managed to focus on his voice and face through the rage that was roiling within; rising up; ready to consume her, "I remember."

Before the senator could continue, Kate was distracted by movement directly in front of her, "Federal agent! Drop the gun!"

Bracken strained against Kate's hold; raising himself up enough to see that an agent assigned to his protective detail had entered the room, taken in the scene and was intent upon rescuing him, "Wait!"

Bracken's call had drawn the agent's attention, so he gave him another order, "Put your gun down, son."

The demand filtered through the man; it went against everything he had ever been taught about a situation like this, "Sir, you know I can't do that."

"You can and you will," Bracken encouraged him as calmly as he could, but his voice was ice.

Kate's finger migrated to the trigger. She was trapped and needed to find a way out of the room, but had no idea how.

Bracken began talking again; to her, "After tonight, we're even. I had nothing to do with your fiancé's disappearance. The deal we made is still in play. You're free to just walk out of here. I owe you that much. Go and find him." Bracken reinforced his words by twisting his head to lock his gaze with hers; he was telling the truth; at least about this.

Kate released her hold on him in the same motion that cleared her gun from his head. The agent lunged forward to take Beckett into custody, but Bracken stopped him, "Leave her alone. She was on her way out when you arrived. Nothing happened here. Do you understand?"

"But, sir…," the agent's argument died in his throat under the withering stare of the senator.

"Do you understand?" Bracken demanded an answer.

He eyed Beckett who had holstered her weapon and waited; unmoving for what came next, "Yes, sir. I understand. Nothing happened here."

Kate side stepped her way past the agent to the door of the room not knowing what to do next, but knowing that she couldn't stay here.

Bracken grabbed his drink from the bar and threw back the last of it as he watched her disappear; it burned sweetly and he reached for the bottle to pour himself another. The door clicked shut as the second drink which he consumed as a shot drained down his throat before he pulled out his phone.

"You can wait outside," he told the agent who stood staring at him; dumbfounded by what had just transpired.

Bracken waited a few seconds more, ensuring that he was indeed alone. He drew himself up to the window and gazed out at the view; the very same one Kate had surveyed only minutes before. Breathing deeply; hoping it would steady his nerves and resolve, he dragged his thumb across the screen; selected a number that had no contact information to go with it; then waited. Seconds later a voice on the other end of the phone prompted this question from him, "Kate Beckett was just here. What the hell have you done?"

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The early morning air had taken on a definite chill as it blew in off the darkened waters of the Hudson. Kate stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel gasping for air; attempting to stave off panic that was systemically taking her over. What if she was too late; never got the chance to tell him? If she believed Bracken; that he had nothing to do with Castle's disappearance; she had nothing to go on; it might already be over and all that really remained was for her to know it.

When her cell phone's text alert went off she almost ignored it, but habit intervened and she absently slid the unlock bar with her thumb as she pulled it from her pocket. The message she found stopped her cold; stilled her breathing; twisted her insides.

She had thirty minutes to show up in Battery Park at the Castle Clinton National Monument with the original file. There was no question in her mind what they were after. They wanted proof that she actually had the file Smith gave his life protecting. It was the one thing she couldn't produce because she didn't have it; and worse, she never had. Bracken was calling her bluff.

Kate glanced back at the front door of the Ritz-Carlton barely able to fight off the urge to go back inside. The part of her that was still functioning like a cop stopped her and sent her instead back to the squad car she had borrowed from the shipyard scene. Once inside, she reached under the seat; dug as far back as her arm would extend. Clutching tightly to the edges, Kate pulled out what she had hidden there before entering the hotel.

The file she had put together; the one from her safe in Georgetown; with everything she knew about her mother's killing, Bracken's rise to political heights through extortion, kidnapping and murder, the names she had compiled at the AG's office, and even Montgomery's rookie transgressions would never be enough to save Castle; save them. But staring at it, she held on to hope that it would serve her purpose and get her close enough where she could tell him; finally show him that he was all that mattered; that he was her first; her only choice.

When her phone began to ring, she was still holding it. Though startled from her thoughts, neither habit nor impulse would have her answer it. As she let it go to voicemail she whispered, "I'm sorry guys."

Several minutes later, Kate decided to make one final call. She hadn't spoken to her dad in more than a week. He didn't have any idea that she was in town, but she needed to talk to him; tell him that she loved; missed him; just in case. When his voicemail picked up after four rings, she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. After leaving her message; her breathing was ragged; charged with emotion and she struggled to regain her composure.

Shoving open the car door, Kate stood behind it and jammed the file inside the waistband of the back of her pants; hidden by her jacket as it had been all day. She checked her Glock one last time and confirmed the two extra clips in her holster. She was as ready as she ever would be and she was just about out of time.

When she finished her preparations, but before she closed the door, her phone began to ring again; it was her dad returning her call. Pain rippled across her face; through her entire being as she shoved the phone deep into her pocket. Before slamming the door shut, she tossed something onto the floorboard, locked the doors and walked away from the vehicle toward Battery Park.

When this night was said and done; if they didn't make it out; the car would be discovered and reclaimed by the NYPD. Once that happened there would be no doubt about what she had done; not for anyone who truly knew her. A black leather wallet would be found lying open; revealing what only a select few would find significant; the badge of a former federal agent. They would know that she had picked her spot; made her stand; faced the final battle not as an agent or even a detective, but as Katherine Houghton Beckett, the woman who fell in love with the man who didn't make sense on paper; the woman who said yes to that man and realized only after it was almost too late that the only shot she ever truly needed was the one she had been given with him.

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_Pick your spot, make your stand, something her captain once said, it's her time, she is going into battle, not expecting to survive, the only thing that matters is she will die by his side._


End file.
